Tuesday, March 17, 2009

With Heavy Heart...



Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die! - Mary Frye 1932

Today, I am the bearer of sad tidings. Autumn, had been very ill several weeks ago with a respiratory infection. We treated her with antibiotics and she seemed to be recovering very well, still she was underweight despite a healthy appetite. She was a very finicky eater, so I began feeding her as much as she wanted, as many times a day as she was interested and giving her a high calorie supplement. I have the battle scars and a half dozen half finished cat food cans in the refrigerator to prove it! Over the past several weeks, she gained weight and Saturday evening, she was as cheerful as I'd seen her in a while. She played with the thread as I was sewing and seemed more interested in getting into things than she had been in some time. I was...relieved.

On Sunday morning, when I looked to the usual place that she waits to be fed, she wasn't there. Even though her tastes were annoyingly discriminating, she was always interested in food. I called for her and when I saw her walking up the stairs, I immediately realized something was wrong. She made it up half a flight and stopped. I thought she was just being stubborn, so I went down the stairs to retrieve her. As I placed her on the kitchen floor, she just laid down. I didn't panic, but I was concerned. She wouldn't eat and slept most of the day.

Yesterday morning however, there she was in her usually place, meowing to be fed. She didn't seem perfect, but this was a good sign. I thought that maybe she just was having an off day. She ate very little, but she did eat. While I was hopeful, I had an awful feeling yesterday morning when I left her. Still, she seemed improved from the day before, so I went off to work. When I returned last evening, she was no where to be found. She and her siblings like to sleep in a little crawl space in our basement, so I presumed that's where she was.

I called to her several times over the course of the evening and around 8 p.m. I became really concerned. It wasn't at all like her not to respond at all. Kyla began looking for her and when she found her, she said "Mom, I found her, but she's scaring me". I immediately ran to see what was wrong. Autumn was in the crawl space, but she was very still. I knew she was gone.

We loved her very much and are heartbroken.


In Darkness, Light.


Tracy






14 comments:

Niki said...

Oh Tracy, I'm so sorry! I remember the joy you felt when you first got her. Those little lives we call pets have such a way of weasling their way into our hearts and oh how those hearts break when they leave us. Feel comfort in knowing that you provided her with one of the best places in the world to live (I'd like to come back as one of your pets in my next life!) and that she was truly loved during her short stay with you.

Loads of love coming your way!

Niki

Deborah said...

I'm so sorry. Born again.

Dolly said...

I'm SO sorry to hear about your loss! A pet becomes a member of the family and I can't imagine the grief you're feeling... But remember there is a whole online community of support here for you!

BB

OWLTHENA RHAEVYN said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Your beloved looks like the stray calico that lives under my house I call her Kali for calico. She is a stray, I am not home much do to being on the road, we live out of town but a few homes here along the highway makes it a community. So I feed her when I am home, and she hunts when I am gone. So she has taken up residence here,I know that they can be just like family and so my heart goes out to you and yours!
blessed be

Tracy said...

Loads of love coming your way!

Niki

Thanks Nik. You'd probably be just as finicky as she was too!

Tracy said...

Deborah said...
I'm so sorry. Born again.

March 17, 2009 10:11 AM

Thanks Deb. It's what gives us the strength to move on, doesn't it.

Tracy said...

Dolly said...
I'm SO sorry to hear about your loss! A pet becomes a member of the family and I can't imagine the grief you're feeling... But remember there is a whole online community of support here for you!

Dolly, thank you so much for your kind words. A pet does become a member of your family and their loss is felt just as deeply. We will miss her.

Tracy said...

OWLTHENA RHAEVYN said...
I am so sorry for your loss. Your beloved looks like the stray calico that lives under my house I call her Kali for calico. She is a stray, I am not home much do to being on the road, we live out of town but a few homes here along the highway makes it a community. So I feed her when I am home, and she hunts when I am gone. So she has taken up residence here,I know that they can be just like family and so my heart goes out to you and yours!
blessed be

March 17, 2009 11:19 AM

Lady Owlthena,

I think it's wonderful that you are taking care of her. She will never forget you for it either. I appreciate your thoughtful words.

Blessings,


Tracy

Carol said...

I am so very sorry Tracy, Ray and kids. It is a very sad day!

Lots of love to you guys!

Carol

spottedwolf said...

We lost my best friend of 14yrs before winter. Putting him down was the hardest thing I'd done in years. I felt like a little boy over this....and I cried like a baby. He was our beloved Akita, Jake.

We are truly sorry for your loss.

D & S

Tracy said...

spottedwolf said...
We lost my best friend of 14yrs before winter. Putting him down was the hardest thing I'd done in years. I felt like a little boy over this....and I cried like a baby. He was our beloved Akita, Jake.

We are truly sorry for your loss.

D & S

I appreciate that guys. I am sorry for you loss as well. I miss Autumn very much, but I know that I did my very best to care for her. I am certain you did the same for Jake. No regrets.

Tracy said...

Carol said...
I am so very sorry Tracy, Ray and kids. It is a very sad day!

Lots of love to you guys!

Carol

March 17, 2009 4:44 PM

Thanks Carol. You know how we are with our pets. The loss is felt deeply.

greekwitch said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I know it is like losing a family member. She had a home and people taking care of her. She was loved so she was blessed this way.
Blessed be**
greekwitch***

Niki said...

I have a short thing here that was given to me by the woman that creamated my beloved golden retreiver, Kelly. When I went to the facility to pick up Kelly's ashes, she gave me the piece, warning me to not read it until I got home. Good thing I listend, because I cried so hard, I would never have been able to drive home. I still cry when I read it, but it has given me peace and strength whenever I have needed it, so I share it here with you:

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All of the animals who have been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole or strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had been left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together.

Author Unknown