"Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun and Baby, when it's love, if it's not rough it isn't fun!"
Thank you Lady Gaga for introducing these colorful lyrics into my daughter's vocabulary!!!! (I can't lie, I love this friggin' song!!!)
After running around on Friday evening, we decided to stop in at a local pub for dinner.
Our dinner conversations have gotten considerably more interesting since Kyla and Justin are turning 13 years old. They are beginning to have more active social lives and every day brings home a plethora of the school day's activities and anecdotes. I'm really happy that they are enjoying themselves, although I'm somewhat concerned about how fast they are maturing, as any parent would be. I didn't know half the stuff that they do when I was 13!!! I ordered a glass of wine and began to peruse the menu. In mid sip Kyla turns to me and says, "I have to ask you something...what is a lap dance".
:::insert visual of me trying not to snort wine out my nose:::
"Excuse me?", I replied after I composed myself. "What's a lap dance?", she asked again. I was on a game online and people were talking about it, but no one would tell me what it was", Kyla replied.
Ok, so I was pretty impressed that my kid would trust in me enough to ask me this question, rather than "googling' the answer and hitting on images that might scar her for life! I also made a mental note to find out why lap dancing was being discussed online with my 13 year old!
I said, "Well, you know, ummm, it's kind of like, well...you know how, when someone dances...like in a club..and ummm. Ok, this wasn't going very well, was it? That said, I believe if your kids are going to trust you, you have to be as honest as you can with them. If they think you're sugar coating the truth or talking down to them, they'll never believe you when you really need to teach them something important. Since I've never been one to beat around the bush anyway (no pun intended), I told her, "listen, you know what a stripper is right?" She shook her head in acknowledgement. I said, "well a lap dance is when a stripper kind of dances on a guy's lap for money". I thought that was a fairly accurate, if not a tad evasive answer. "Oh", she replied. "Like a ho!"
::::insert visual image of me choking on wine AND snorting it out of my nose.
Enter Justin. Justin prefers interacting with adults much more than he does with his peers. As a result, he is very intelligent and has developed a rather extensive, yet colorful repertoire of phrases. He decided that last night was the time to bring me up to speed on the latest slang that has entered into his Middle School volcabulary.
Let's see...there was "p'owned", as in "ooooh, you got p'owned", which I believe replaces, "owned", which I believe had been "you got served", which I believe kind of means someone made you look like an ass! Then there's "WTF" which probably needs so further clarification, but just in case, it used to be an online acronym for "what the fuck!". Even that's been upgraded or downgraded to "da fuck!?" for those times when, ya know, using "What" or "WTF" is overkill. My personal favorite however, had to be...are ya ready..."I don't give a soaring fuck!"
::::again, wine, nose...you get the picture::::
I remembered some great advice Justin's teacher offered me right here on this blog. "Rest up", she said, "The teen years are coming".
The waiter came by to ask if there was anything else we needed. I said, "Yes. Can I get more wine?!"
It's going to be a long and interesting journey, but at least the music's good!!!
In Darkness, Light!