Friday, March 27, 2009

Anywhere The Wind Blows...




Merry Meet and Greetings, Family, Friends, Lurkers and Followers!

I have to say, life just keeps getting curiouser and curiouser. As some of you know and I'm sure many of you don't, I'm studying the art of Reiki. Reiki is a Japanese healing technique involving the laying on of hands and is based on the concept that our life energy can be manipulated to facilitate healing. "Rei" means "God's Wisdom or the higher powers" and Ki is life force energy. So, Reiki is actually a spiritually guided healing technique.

The story of how I began on this journey is an interesting one, that seems to get more interesting as it goes on. A month or so ago, I was asked to assist in a healing for a dear friend. For as long as I can remember, I'd always done my own form of "hands on" healing for my pets, but without any formal training. On the evening I returned from the healing, I felt exhausted, yet exhilarated. It was intensely rewarding experience that I felt certain had made a difference. I shared it with Ray, who mentioned that the church sermon that morning (Ray is a music director) had also been about "hands on" healing. At the time, I found it nothing more than an interesting coincidence. A while later however, I turned on the Discovery Health channel and there was a gentleman in China who was demonstrating how he could generate such powerful energy with his hands as to cause enough heat to produce steam! Now, this "nothing more than a coincidence" was beginning to feel a lot more like one of those "psychic nudges" the Universe likes to give me when it feels I'm not paying enough attention to the obvious. In the next day's mail, I received a catalog from a our community school that was offering Reiki I certification.

:::Note to Universe:::

"I dink. I get. Da point" ~ Joe Pesci as Vincent LaGuardia Gambini, "My Cousin Vinny".

So, a week or two later, I am off to my new Reiki class. As I sat there perusing the materials, I realize that I recognize my Reiki Master's name and that of her Wellness Center. Last summer, Ray and I had come upon her studio while making a gardening run and felt compelled to go inside. Well, I have to say, it gave new meaning to the words "sacred space". The energy was peaceful, yet power and she was truly lovely. She had an awesome "vibe", that left such a lasting impression on us both, that Ray immediately knew who I was referring to when I excitedly reported that she was my Reiki instructor!

My initial impression of Reiki was that it was a perfect blend of two of the most significant aspects of my life, magick and medicine. I found that my magickal background gave me a learning edge when it came to this type of healing art.

During the Reiki training, one goes through a series of "attunements" that are similar to an initiation and that help the Reiki practitioner connect to the Universal Life Force Energy. Just before my first attunement, I noticed that four chairs had been arranged to face each in a different direction. When I asked about it, my Reiki Master explained that these were the directions of the Quarters, North, South, East and West and corresponded with the Elements, Earth, Air, Fire, Water and Spirit. Ok, I thought, this definitely sounds familiar! She explained that each student represented a Quarter and an Element and that she represented "Spirit". Then, she reached into the collar of her blouse and pulled out her pentacle to show me an example! Ahhhhh...just as I'd suspected!

During one of our classes we discussed how we might enhance the Reiki experience for both ourselves and our patients. We talked about the use of music, candles and incense and the importance of spiritual cleansing of our sacred space. Some of my classmates asked about the best incense to use during practice and our Reiki Master told us that there was only one incense she ever used and that it was hand made by a Wiccan woman that she'd known for years. She mentioned that she would bring some to class for us to sample, which I'd forgotten about entirely until last week's class. When I saw the brand name, Everything Akasha, on the incense, I realized that this was yet another peculiar...coincidence. The reason why it was so familiar was not because it is also my incense of choice, but because the Wiccan woman who hand makes it is, Mayakalia, one of my first Wiccan teachers! She and my dearest friend, Devyn, own Everything Akasha and taught my first Wicca 101 class 15 years ago and the rest, as they say, is history!

After my first attunement I, along with two other students, received an e-mail from our Reiki Master telling us that she thought and felt we would be successful Reiki Masters and asked if we'd be interested in going on to Master training. The depth of my connection to Reiki is the closest I've come to anything since the Craft. I can't imagine not allowing my heart to find where this journey will lead me, so yes, I told her, I was interested. Her response, "Many are called, few are chosen".

I would like to say I'm honored, because I am....but right now, all I can think of is..how cool is that?!!

Last week, I received my Reiki I certification!


In Darkness, Light!


Tracy


P.S. And the friend we did the healing for? Thankfully, she's absolutely fine!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Global Warming My...

ASS!!!! There you have it! I've said it! It may be warm somewhere, but it's colder than a Witch's tit here! OH YES I DID!!!

The current weather conditions are 28 degrees and sunny!

It's supposed to be Spring, for the love of nerve!!! Where is the global warming that everyone keeps warning me about! I want to sit for hours on my deck, sipping wine and watching the birdies! I want butterflies!!!! I want to see green trees! I want to see my obsessive lawn neighbors obsessing over their lawns! I want to see bugs! Yes, bugs..buzzing around my head just to piss me off! I want it to be hot enough to whine about how hot it is! I want to hang my coat in the closet and flip it off as I close the door behind me!

I want the friggin' summer!!!! Dammit!!!

This message has been brought to you courtesy of Tracy's long winter psychosis!!!

In Darkness, Light!



Me

Friday, March 20, 2009

It's A Woman's Prerogative to Change Her Mind!

Spring Blessings, Family, Friends, Followers and Lurkers!

This morning I woke up to thoughts of Spring! Ah yes, Spring, glorious spring! Birdies chirping, flowers blooming, warm breezes! You get the point!

As I came downstairs, I could hear the News heralding Spring's beginning and thought, Finally! It seemed as if this friggin' Winter would go on forever!

It's still dark here at 6:30 a.m., so as I opened the sliders to our deck to let the dogs out, the motion lights went on. In that moment, I yelled more loudly than I even expected, "Oh No You Didn't!!" Alarmed, Ray came in to see what was wrong! "Mother...ffff"...he was about to say before I reminded him who he was talking about. We both stared outside in utter disbelief!

Snow!!!

"Oh Yes....She Did!"


In Darkness...Light!

Tracy


Thursday, March 19, 2009

In Darkness...Light!

Merry Meet and Happy Morning, Family, Friends, Followers and Lurkers!

I want to thank all you for the messages of sympathy and encouragement that were sent upon your learning of Autumn's passing. Some of you wrote from near and far, sharing the memories of the tears shed for the littlest souls that once shared your lives and now live forever in your hearts.

One of the things that has saddened me most since Autumn's passing is that the only image I could recall of her was the way I saw her in death. She was so beautiful, and so I found this very troubling. I didn't want this to be my last memory of her.

Last night I dreamt of Autumn. She didn't appear as she had the last time I saw her, but was absolutely...radiant. I immediately felt comforted!

When I awoke from the dream, I suddenly recalled a short verse from a poem that I had written long, long ago. I have often tried to incorporate it into other writings, but no matter how I tried, it just never seemed to fit. Perhaps, it wasn't meant to.

She needs no one to protect her.
She has passed through the darkness
And returned, radiant!

Blessings to you all,


Tracy

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

There hereeeeeee!!!!



The first flowers of Spring!!!!

:::doing the lil' freakin' Pagan dance o'bliss::::

So Mote It Be!!!!

In Darkness...Light!!!!


Me

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

With Heavy Heart...



Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die! - Mary Frye 1932

Today, I am the bearer of sad tidings. Autumn, had been very ill several weeks ago with a respiratory infection. We treated her with antibiotics and she seemed to be recovering very well, still she was underweight despite a healthy appetite. She was a very finicky eater, so I began feeding her as much as she wanted, as many times a day as she was interested and giving her a high calorie supplement. I have the battle scars and a half dozen half finished cat food cans in the refrigerator to prove it! Over the past several weeks, she gained weight and Saturday evening, she was as cheerful as I'd seen her in a while. She played with the thread as I was sewing and seemed more interested in getting into things than she had been in some time. I was...relieved.

On Sunday morning, when I looked to the usual place that she waits to be fed, she wasn't there. Even though her tastes were annoyingly discriminating, she was always interested in food. I called for her and when I saw her walking up the stairs, I immediately realized something was wrong. She made it up half a flight and stopped. I thought she was just being stubborn, so I went down the stairs to retrieve her. As I placed her on the kitchen floor, she just laid down. I didn't panic, but I was concerned. She wouldn't eat and slept most of the day.

Yesterday morning however, there she was in her usually place, meowing to be fed. She didn't seem perfect, but this was a good sign. I thought that maybe she just was having an off day. She ate very little, but she did eat. While I was hopeful, I had an awful feeling yesterday morning when I left her. Still, she seemed improved from the day before, so I went off to work. When I returned last evening, she was no where to be found. She and her siblings like to sleep in a little crawl space in our basement, so I presumed that's where she was.

I called to her several times over the course of the evening and around 8 p.m. I became really concerned. It wasn't at all like her not to respond at all. Kyla began looking for her and when she found her, she said "Mom, I found her, but she's scaring me". I immediately ran to see what was wrong. Autumn was in the crawl space, but she was very still. I knew she was gone.

We loved her very much and are heartbroken.


In Darkness, Light.


Tracy






Monday, March 16, 2009

Pagan News 3

A Killer On The Loose..





















Merry Meet and Happy Almost Spring, Family, Friends, Followers and Lurkers!

So, this morning as I'm getting ready for work (that is what I should be doing as we speak!)I'm listening to the News and hear that there is a serial killer on the loose in New York's Inwood Hills Park!

This is exactly the way the report came through, so now I'm listening with true interest and concern. After all, New York is not that far a way from New Jersey and being as neurotic as I am, I already began making mental notes to make sure all the doors and windows were locked before I left for the day. As I continued to listen, I hear that it's not people that are being murdered, but trees. Some idiot has cut down 17 trees in Inwood Hills Park and left them to rot! Ok, so now I'm pissed and relieved all at the same time. I love trees. My husband gave me a Japanese Weeping Cherry tree the year Kyla was born. It was just a sapling when he bought it and so fragile, I had doubts that it would survive a harsh winter. That was 13 years ago and now it's big and beautiful and every Spring is covered with tiny little pink flowers!

Tree fucking murders!!!

In any case, as the story progressed, I also learned that last March, someone had cut down 35 trees. Count em' 35! Ok, so now I'm thinking. Isn't this New York City? The city that "never sleeps?" A visit to New York at any hour of the day or night will prove this to be true.

So, riddle me this? How the hell does someone cut down 35 trees, IN NEW YORK CITY and no one notices? These aren't saplings either. There big ass trees that are about 80 years old. Ok..so they aren't being cut down with a chain saw. They feel it's either an axe or a machete, but still!

Someone knows something!

Tree Fucking Murders!

In Darkness, Light!


Tracy

P.S. I'm still locking all the doors and windows...just in case!

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Still Waiting to Exhale?

Merry Meet and Greetings Family, Friends, Follower and Lurkers!

So, here I stand, faced with a crisis of conscience. Ok well, that's a big whopping lie, because it's not a crisis at all and my conscience has never been clearer.

First, let me say that I am not a vindictive person. If anything, I have often been accused of being too forgiving for my own good. A week or so ago, I received a call on my cellphone from a number I didn't recognize. I was lying down nursing a strained back, so I didn't answer it. I presumed that, if it was important enough, whomever it was would leave a message and so they did.

Later, when I listened to the message, I realized it was from a woman that was hired as the practice manager for an office I had managed several years before. And while I had long since moved on at the time she was hired, I learned through a relative who still worked with her that you couldn't speak my name in her presence without her becoming enraged. I had also learned that she enjoyed reading my blog in order to ridicule my personal life and what she believed was my lack of mental stability. Now, ya gotta know, I can count on one hand the number of times I'd actually met this person, so I found this behavior bizarre, if not a tad amusing.

One of my chance encounters with this woman came, however, at one of the most difficult and painful times of my life, on the evening of the death of my mother. My mother, who was 84 years old and had suffered from emphysema for many, many years, was in the end stage of her disease. I had spent most of day at her bedside at the hospital. My mother couldn't speak, could barely breath and was suffering from dementia. Yet, I could sense she knew who I was and that I was with her. When I looked in her eyes however, I sensed something else...fear. I felt so helpless! In my heart, I knew that this would be the last time I'd see her alive, I was terrified to leave her. Still, I had a 5 year old at home and I needed to care for her as well. The nurses assured me that they would call me immediately if there was any change. I kissed her forehead and reluctantly left for home.

A few hours later, I received a call informing me that my mother was crashing and that they had been "working on her" for 45 minutes. Working on her? Why wasn't I called!? There was no further intervention that would restore her life's quality, but instead, would merely prolong her suffering! We had signed a "do not resuscitate" order during one of the last of many hospitalizations at the recommendation of her physician! What the fuck were they doing?!

We arrived at the hospital as quickly as we could, but my mother was already gone. I was heartbroken and furious, all at once. I don't think there has been a moment quite as devastating as walking into my mother's room and seeing the woman who gave birth to me, hooked up to a monitor that was measuring her for signs of life. I stared in disbelief at the flatline across the screen and just as I did a little blip appeared on the monitor. Artifact, I was told. Bullshit!, I thought. I truly believe she realized I was there. I looked up as the nurse spoke and there, standing next to my other family members, was this woman who couldn't tolerate my existence. I truly felt that her presence there was not to comfort, but instead had a morbid, spectator-like quality, as if she found some twisted satisfaction in my suffering. I was already disoriented and grief stricken, but now also felt as if one of the most sacred moments in my life was being violated as well.

My mother's life was not the only thing that ended that night. Family bonds were irrevocably broken by the hands of guilt and greed, none of which involved myself or this woman. The day following my mother's death, I was accused of being "rude". Rude!? My mother had just died! Even if I would have allowed myself to be remotely distracted by this woman's presence, I wouldn't have wasted the last precious moments that I had with my mother being "rude" to her or anyone else.

Needless to say, along with my mother, anyone who caused me additional pain on that night, no longer exists to me now.

So there I sat, in utter disbelief, listening to this woman's nauseatingly sweet voice cooing her request for some work related information into my cell phone! I'll be honest, I got as far as "Hi Tracy, long time no hear!" "Listen, the reason I'm calling is..Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah..blah..blah. Then..."Think you can you get back to me?"

"Maybe, Lynn." "Hold your breath till I call".

"Never attribute to malice that which can adequately be explained by stupidity"

In Darkness, Light!


Tracy

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Please don't eat the...



Cat!!!! What did you think I was going to say?! Please people, keep it clean! This is a public blog, for the love of nerve!!!!

Ahem! Having said that, I was upstairs reading when I heard Ginger crying her little dog heart out. I couldn't imagine why she was so distressed. When I came down, I found Peachy had decided that Ginger's food bowl would be a good place to take a....oh hell (pun intended) cat nap.

She tried for about a good hour to find a comfortable sleeping position. She finally gave up and followed me back upstairs, where she took over my bed.

Pussy Cats....ya gotta love em! }:)

In Darkness, Light!


Tracy

Friday, March 6, 2009

Random Acts of Joyful Noise...

Breath of Life...


She breathest life into the frozen Earth..

Awakening those who have slumbered..
Warm against her breast...



Photo courtesy of Tracy Frasche 3/6/09

Monday, March 2, 2009

And Still...She Sleeps...