Sunday, March 7, 2010

Tranquil Endings...

Merry Meet and Happy Sunday, Family and Friends,

So, this past Friday brought us some comforting news. My husband met with his surgeon for his 6 month follow up and CAT scan. And while the tumor he had was benign with rare chance of recurrence(knocking on wood, throwing salt over left shoulder, rubbing lucky rabbit's foot on my ass), the same can be said for lottery wins and lightning strikes. Still, the surgeon was happy with the results and so were we! I love you, Dr. Korst!

The surgeon's office is housed in an outpatient cancer center. Perhaps it's my Reiki training, but I tend to be more sensitive to other people's energies when I'm there. At times walking through the corridors of the building is quite uncomfortable. The energy is heavy, oppressive and yet, there is a quiet tranquility.

And despite my obvious joy that my husband is doing well, my happiness was tempered as I looked into the faces of the people who aren't. A young girl, pale, thin and frail, somewhat jaundiced with a knit cap pulled down covering her bald head. An older woman, some one's grandma perhaps? Her husband clutching her arm, steadying her as they slowly walked the hallway looking for their doctor's office. Her look was the same, sad, confused, frightened. I wanted to offer them Reiki or perhaps just a hug. It makes me so angry! Stupid Cancer.

I find myself doing this a lot. Looking into some one's face, sensing their pain and wanting to offer healing of some kind. I realize this is not always appropriate. Some might welcome it, others I'm certain, might find it strange and intrusive. Reiki is not Witchcraft. There is no religious affiliation attached to it. Still, when one hears "energy work", unless they are familiar with the practice, they immediately seem skeptical or worse..frightened.

Reiki can ease one's anxiety, depression and pain, but it's not going to make a terminally ill patient or their family deal better with the prospect of dying. It's not meant to be spiritual, although some find the contrary to be true. I find it to be a little of both.

I've always felt that everyone should have the kind of experience with the dying that I shared my Dad. We were able to talk openly about his illness and the fact that he was terminal. We were able to laugh and share things that perhaps we waited far too long to say. There were no awkward silences or avoidance of discussion about death. No regrets. It was peaceful acceptance for both of us.

My family has experienced several losses in the past 10 years. My Dad, my sister, my mother and Ray's Mom. Was there something I was meant to learn from it, I often wondered? I gotta tell ya, for a really long time, what I learned was that shit happens and not all of it was good! That said, I've suspected there was something I was meant to share from my experience, in some way, with those who needed to hear it.

This April, on my birthday, I will embark on new and yet familiar journey. I will be taking a workshop to be certified as an "End of Life" Doula. Perhaps you've heard the term "doula" used to describe someone who assists in physical and emotional support during birth. In this workshop, I will learn to provide terminally ill patent's and families with spiritual and emotional comfort during the transition of dying.

Yeah, I know..it's a really weird way to spend my birthday! But, it feels right.

In Darkness, Light!


Tracy

3 comments:

ARIE said...

Hi Tracy,

You wrote "I find myself doing this a lot. Looking into some one's face, sensing their pain and wanting to offer healing of some kind."

This reminds me of an event some years ago, when I accompanied a family member to the oncology department. While I was waiting for her to return from a visit to the doctor, I noticed a woman in her late thirties with tears in her eyes. She looked like the whole world turned upside dowm. At that moment I noticed a pair of pigeons beyond a large window. I intentionally focused on the pigeons and simultaneousy had that womam in my sight, "spliting attendion" and wishing I could pass her the mystery of life and death. After some moments she had also noticed the pigeons. At that moment the circle closed. Her, me and the pigeons. At that instant I felt flooded with divine energy and the message came through me to her. It was not in linear form like words, but in multi-dimemsional form, more like a ball of information. Then her face expression changed and she was not sad anymore. I think I could even detect a small hidden smile.
So how did this happen? What where th incredients of this formula?
1. Spitting attention.
2. Intention. Wishing for something to happen.
3. Connecting to the Divine.

Splitting attention is the basis for reaching higher states of awareness. Without mind-emotion-body alignment such a state cannot be reached. Once aligned Divine energy starts flowing.

By the way the " Pagan Book of Living and Dying" by Starhawk could be of use to you on your April course. Also the Tibetean book of the Dead.

Vow, I believe I've wroten too much...

Anyway, blessings on your path.

Arie

Carol said...

what a nice thing to do Tracy.

happy to hear everything is fine with Ray.

Carol

Tracy said...

Hi Arie,

Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I've often seen the book you mention and have always been tempted to get it. I already have the Tibetan Book of the Dead, but admittedly, haven't gotten around to reading it. I will take a fresh look at both!

Tracy