Thursday, July 28, 2011

A Quirky Bunch...

We humans are a quirky bunch, aren’t we? Intelligent, yet savage. Yet, we fancy ourselves to be the most intelligent and most complex of all the species on this lovely place we call home. But are we really?

I watch a dance of nature unfolding outside my window. Rabbits, squirrels, chipmunks, birds, all enjoying the same food source in peaceful cohabitation. They have learned, even without the benefit of our superior intellect, to coexist for the good of all.

So begs the question…what’s up with that?

Think for a moment about your closest relationship; your best friend, spouse, spiritual partner or significant other. I mean REALLY think about them. Can you honestly say you love every unique characteristic of that person? If you can say yes….good for you!!! Personally, I call bullshit! I would be willing to bet there is at least one aspect of that person’s character that you are not entirely thrilled with. I would even go as far as saying that there are friends in your inner circle that you may love, but also, may actually, from time to time, irritate you to an “un-friendly” degree. Alternatively, there are those that you find more consistently annoying, but still consider friends. I believe the correct term is “frenemies”. Despite this, we still feel blessed to have these people in our lives and we are as content to look past their “imperfections” as they are to look past our own. Given the complexity of our human nature, if we didn’t, our species may cease to exist.

But, I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know, right? You are human, after all. Possessing all the intelligence bestowed on us by the Gods and/or creation?

I’m certain we’ve all been asked at one time or another, “Why do you still involve yourself with that person?” And if I'm to be honest, I’ve asked the same question of others. Obviously, not everyone is going to be as enamored with the same people we are and that includes those relationships that are the most significant to us.

Yet, when we truly care for someone, that question may come from a place of concern for their well-being. If the person seems to be caught in an unhealthy pattern of unhappiness based on their relationship, we may be frustrated because they are not seeing things from our perspective. And the fact of the matter is…they may not want to, they don’t have to and more importantly, it’s not our right to expect them to.

But, that’s what we do when we care, isn’t it? It’s one of our more appealing human attributes…empathy. However, there’s a fine line that exists between healthy concern and the desire to control and at times, that line might blur to the point of being indistinguishable.

The true nature of our concern lies in the intention. Why are we concerned and is there true reason for concern? Is the person in question in danger? Do they seem emotionally or physically unwell as a result of this relationship? If the answer is no, then one needs to examine their own motives and intentions, to determine what, if any, benefit will be reaped from the ending of that relationship. If there is any benefit at all, any given advice may be ill advised or divisive.

As humans, I believe we often find ourselves in the eternal quest for the “perfect” in our relationship/s, as well as in ourselves. Occasionally, we are convinced that we’ve found that perfection. Whether it’s a best friend or a soul mate, group dynamic, there’s one thing I can guarantee, even if it comes close, it isn’t. And if perfection in ourselves is unattainable, what right do we have to criticize the choices someone else makes about theirs?

I began to re-examine some of the more challenging relationships in my life; those that I once believed were over before they began. What I discovered about them and about myself was…enlightening. Those perceived “imperfections” were no more or less significant than my own and I began to see and appreciate the “something beautiful” in all of them.

Now consider the more challenging relationships in your life. Perhaps, you've ended them, finding their imperfections insurmountable. What beauty could you find if you looked past their flaws? If you find none exists….so be it. Personally, I call “bullshit”.

Now….shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you?

In Darkness, Light!