Every Little Thing She Does Is Magick

In the Still of the Moment....

2011-12-31T14:22:00.000-05:00

Merry Meet and Blessed New Year Family and Friends!

So here we stand, poised at the precipice of a New Year….2012. The Mayans believe this will mark the end of time as we know it.

And I don’t doubt this to be true, although not so much in its literal sense. I think there are profound changes taking place on an astral level that one can sense if they can allow themselves the time to be still and quiet their minds. There is a quickening in the vibration of the Universe. Many are feeling a pull toward a more spiritual existence. I, personally, feel a need to return to a much simpler, less stressful life, even if that means sacrificing the material pleasures that I’ve come to enjoy. After all is said and done, these hold no true value in the big flat screen, high definition, 3-D picture of things, but are merely illusions of happiness that satisfy a momentary desire. Surely they don’t represent a path to spiritual contentment.

The last three months of this year, while more prosperous, have been more stressful than I’d anticipated as well. I find myself experiencing life in glimpses, rather embracing those moments that should be savored. Still, I’ve been trying to appreciate these moments as they come, in smaller ways. Driving to work just as dawn is breaking and watch the sunrise in breathtaking colors that leave me whispering….”Oh God”, snuggling with my dog when I should be rushing to begin my day and dancing as often as I can muster the energy.

These are the kind of things that I never want to experience in a glimpse, but in a state of soul shaking, wide-eyed wonderment that fills my heart with more joy than anything money can buy. The promise that I make to myself in this New Year, should ya know, the Mayan prophesies actually fail to come to pass, is to embrace those moments every day that touch my soul.

For you, I wish more of those moments than you ever dreamed possible.

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Finding Myself

2011-12-04T11:40:00.001-05:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

Ok, so where have I been?

Well, all I can say is that the Gods definitely have a sense of humor.

In the past 6 months, I have changed jobs 3 times. How is that possible in this economy, you ask? Magick!

I've recently taken a full-time job after having worked part-time for the past 8 years. The best I can say is that the money is good and I'm gleaning some useful new skills. The worst I can say is that I feel disconnected from those things that, up until now, I had enjoyed more than I ever realized.

You see, I hadn't really been unhappy with my previous employment. I actually enjoyed what I was doing, the hours worked well for myself and my family, and it paid well by today's standards. So, why did I want to leave so badly? Well, it was a family run business and the family in question operated at a level of dysfunctionality that created a constant exodus of well qualifed and hard working employees.  I had been looking for a job for the last two years and if you've been unemployed in this economy, you know that the job market has been...in a word, pitiful. I began doing magick to move things along...

And move I did! Not once, not twice, but three times! However, none of them suited me and after the third time, which by the way, isn't always the "charm", I realized why. I broke one of the cardinal rules of magick..."be specific!" and of common sense, "if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is".

You see, magick works very, very well. At times, a little too well. If it weren't so, none of us would subject ourselves to the sideward glances and snickering encountered when one learns that we practice the fine art of Witchery.

Here are a few examples of just how well......

I have always loved Victorian homes. I remembered wondering if I'd ever have the opportunity to own one. Well, over this past Summer, we had a beloved friend who is a master carpenter, build us a storage shed in our backyard. It's absolutely fabulous! As I toiled in the Midsummer's heat, staining our new shed, our friend turned to me and said, "Wow, it looks just like a Victorian house!  And he was right! I'd gotten exactly what I asked for! I had just failed to mentioned that I wanted a Victorian home that I could, oh I don't know...actually live in!   I looked towards the heavens murmuring, "Seriously?! You guys are just too funny!"

I also remembered thinking how much I'd love to own waterfront property.

And we were hit with Hurricane Irene....

Needless to say, it was less amusing the second time around!

So, you would think I would have learned something from all this? Well, I believe I have...but as I mentioned the Gods definitely have a sense of humor, not to mention having job skills that include being detail oriented to degree that far exceeds anything the human mind might comprehend. They are Gods, after all!

So recently, when I began, once again, working to find suitable employment, I felt confident that I was specific enough that I left nothing open to interpretation.

I simply wanted a great job, that paid well, with great benefits, close to my home.

Well, I was thrilled when I was presented with a job offer from a company that has a reputation for excellence, offers great benefits, that almost always hires from within and with all the specifications I'd asked for!!!

However, as I reveled in my good fortune, I overlooked a few details that should have sent up red flags. I was told at my interview that there had been "some problems". My interpretation of this was that those problems had since been resolved and that I was walking into a better situation. I had also been told that my boss could be "difficult". Given that I've spent most of my life working in the field of medicine, I've learned that anyone who's job includes holding another's health and well-being in their hands, often possesses a Type A personality. However, "difficult" should have a included, "intolerant of human error". That being said, medicine is definitely a field where human error can have vast implications, so I didn't perceive this to be a deal breaker. I also didn't realize that my coworker was crazier than a bag of rats, worked 10+ hour days and that when she need time off, I needed to do the same. All this being said, it still wasn't the worst decision I've ever made.

The worst decision I made was taking for granted those things that for me...are priceless. Having the time to watch the birds in my birdfeeder, sit down to leisurely read a book or write, garden, spend time with my furry companions and sleep past 5 a.m.

Perhaps I'm being unreasonable. I should be happy that I am gainfully employed in this economy...and I am. I would just be happier if I had added two little words to my request....

"Part-Time"

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Farewell, Irene!

2011-08-29T21:01:00.009-04:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

Unless you live on another planet or in another country, you know that the United States east coast was hit by Hurricane Irene. It was a Category II hurricane that made land fall in North Carolina before making its way up the coast. By the time it hit us here in New Jersey, it was a Category I.

What one must realize is that we are not accustomed to our storms being large enough to be categorized. We get thunderstorms or an occasional tropical storm, which I personally find exhilarating, but nothing like this. The last hurricane I can remember was Hurricane Floyd in 1999, which seemed to pale by comparison.

I must confess, I was a little nervous, but felt certain we were well prepared. I had enough candles to light up the entire Village of Ridgewood on a good day, bottled water, flashlights, batteries, pet food, charged cell phones, ice filled coolers. I sat down with a nice glass of wine and waited for Lady Irene to make her entrance.

It began as gentle rain just before I went to bed and I considered the possibility that the media had probably hyped up the storm like they do every other “weather event”. I woke at about 1:30 a.m. to sound of driving rain and winds that were so strong I felt certain that our windows would implode. And then we lost power. Now, I was no longer a little nervous…I was scared shitless! We all stayed awake until dawn.

As the sky began to lighten, making the situation feel a lot less ominous, my main concern was whether I’d be able to find the manual can opener so that we could feed the dogs and my French press, so that I wouldn’t die and/or become homicidal without my morning coffee. I manage to do both and neither with little effort.

I looked out the window, happy to see that there didn’t appear to be any more damage than one would find with your typical “bad” Jersey storm. There were a few tree branches in the yard, but nothing significant. The patio furniture and the potted plants on our deck were all relatively undisturbed. My rose bushes, that had been ferociously whipped around by the wind the night before, were perfectly secured to their trellises, and had beautiful buds just beginning to bloom. “Pfffttt, Hurricane Irene”, I thought to myself. I knew it was all “hype”. Still, it was very windy and raining pretty hard, but I wasn’t worried. The worst seemed to be over and the meteorologists were reporting that by mid afternoon, the skies would clear and it would be a beautiful day!

I was peacefully sipping my coffee and thinking to myself that all we needed now was the power to go back on and Hurricane Irene would be a distant memory, when I glanced out our patio doors to see the backyard rapidly filling up with murky brown water! I screamed on the top of my lungs for my sleeping husband, as if he would be able to do something to stop it and watched as muddy water rose around our newly built shed and began swallowing most of our lawn! I was struck with an overwhelming sense of panic, but not for fear that our house would become flood ravaged.

You see, we have a fairly large, well established Koi pond in our yard. I’ve been caring for these fish for the past six or more years. These aren’t your common goldfish, but imported Japanese Koi, some of whom hatched in the pond and have grown to about a foot in length. And while I can’t say I feel the same way about them that I do my other pets, they are living beings and have brought both great joy and aggravation to my life….just like my kids!

That being said, over the years, I have had a recurrent nightmare of watching flood waters overtaking the yard, flowing over the top of the Koi pond and seeing all the fish swim out into the muddy water, gasping for breath before dying on the grass. Oh.My.God! It’s awful!!!

I was in tears as I watched the water nearing my pond and realized that my nightmares were about to become a reality!

My mind was racing….there had to be something I could do, but what? I didn’t have anything large enough to hold all 22 fish and even if I did, how would I catch them all?!

Seeing how distraught I was, the kids did their best to comfort me, “get over it, Mom! They’re friggin’ fish!”

Still, I haven’t been practicing Witchcraft this long to back down from a challenge! And I certainly wasn’t going to stand by and just allow this to happen! There’s only “nothing” you can do, if you choose to do nothing!”

I ran out into the deluge and screamed on the top of my lungs, “Cut me a fucking break!!!”, which did absolutely nothing.

I ran back into the house and advised my husband that we needed to begin sandbagging the pond with the extra bags of mulch we had bought. He patiently explained that a few bags of mulch were not going to hold back that much water and that I needed to just “calm down”. Oh yeah, like that was really going to happen! I felt ill! And yes, I know they’re only fish…but they’re my fucking fish!!!

Then things got really weird…

I had recently downloaded a Ghost Hunting app on my IPod that comes with an EVP player. An EVP (Electronic Voice Phenomenon) device monitors voice transmissions from the other side. I had been listening to mine just before the flood hit and had forgotten to turn it off. As I finally began to resign myself to the fact that my backyard was going to end up being the World’s largest Koi pond, I heard my EVP player say the word, “offering” and suddenly, I knew exactly what I needed to do!

I grabbed a bottle of Jamison Whiskey out of the liquor cabinet and ran down the steps to the backyard. The water was about 4 feet deep in most of the yard and had reached the bottom step of our deck, a mere foot or so from the pond. I poured three shots of Jamison into the muddy water.

I ran back in from the pouring rain, completely drenched and passed by my husband while holding a bottle of whiskey. My husband asked, “what the hell are you doing?” Without answering, I ran to the medicine cabinet and grabbed one of the lancets that my father in law had used to test his blood sugar and ran back outside. I’m certain my husband thought that surely I’d gone mad, but if he hasn’t figured that out after 25 years, whose fault is it?

I pierced my finger and watched as three tiny drops of my blood mingled with the rushing murky water.

Then, I held my breath and waited.

We did sustain some significant damage, although have been truly blessed in comparison to what others have lost. The flood waters stopped three inches from the pond and have since receded. The fishies are just fine!

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

My fishes are in there!!!!

Sanity...check!

2011-08-19T10:44:00.002-04:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

So, a few days ago I went in for my annual mental health check. Yes, in addition to one's typical yearly visits to the gynecologist, the internist, the dentist and the, ophthalmologist I in fact, go for an annual chat with my psychiatrist. Just to, ya know, make certain that my level of insanity has been unchanged since the previous year.

Now, most people would be reluctant to admit they see a psychiatrist, but I view this as an investment in my mental health. Now I can imagine what some might be thinking, "mmmmmhmmm, she thinks she's a Witch, she sees a psychiatrist, yeah, she's crazier than a bag of rats!”

“You may be right, I may be crazy, but I just may be the lunatic you’re looking for.” ~ Billy Joel.

There had been some decidedly stressful life events that made seeking out a professional’s help absolutely crucial. As some of you know, I experienced the loss of my entire immediate family, my sister, mother and father, all within 15 months, followed by the adoption of my sister's child after she'd passed away. I had been in the process of working a full-time job and raising my own 5 year old daughter, when my sister's son, my nephew, who was a mere three months younger than my own child, came into our lives. This resulted in the parenting of functional twins while attempting to deal with seemingly insurmountable levels of grief. I began having panic attacks. Who wouldn’t?

If you don't think this sort of thing is enough to prompt a visit to a therapist, give it a try. However, I must warn you, it may stretch your perception of sanity to the brink of its endurance. Gratefully, I haven’t had a panic attack in quite some time, but my therapist likes to check on me every now and again to make sure I’m still a Witch. I think he’d be quite disappointed if he were to learn that I turned in my broom!

All this being said, indulge me a moment while I share a brief description of my psychiatrist...tall, dark and handsome with full pouty lips and a Russian accent. He’s a case for what Sigmund Freud described as “transference” waiting to happen, but I digress.

When I arrived at my appointment, he came out to retrieve me from the waiting room, promptly greeting me with, "how's our favorite Witch" and then, "I think about you at every Solstice!” mmmmmhmmmm…

You see, as with many people who were convinced that they knew me well enough not to expect any Earth-shattering revelations, I sort of blind-sided him during one of our sessions by revealing I was Wiccan. Since then, he’s been completely fascinated!

After a brief assessment to insure that my sanity was status quo, he began asking me about Wicca. He pondered whether a Wiccan and a Witch are one in the same and if not, what the differences were. When asked if I considered myself a Wiccan or a Witch, I replied both, which swiftly prompted him to begin scribbling in my chart. I shared that I’d been interviewed by the Philadelphia News about the whole Christine O’Donnell, “I’m not a Witch” fiasco which led to a discussion of the reasons why Wiccans/Witches were so annoyed by Ms, O’Donnell’s comments. I explained our ongoing struggle to try to differentiate ourselves and our practices from that of Satanism. He impressed me by pointing out that Satan was a Christian construct and very different from that of Wicca. Wicca, from what he knew of it, was a very peaceful, harmonious practice that focused on reverence for the Earth, celebrated the Solstices and followed the cycles of the Seasons and the Moon. I kind of knew already this, but I listened politely as he professionally explained the finer points of Wicca. I was still mentally imagining him at a Beltane festival.

Then he asked, “How do you spell this…Wicca?” as he typed it into his Blackberry. I was both bemused and enchanted as he began reading from Gavin and Yvonne Frost’s “Church and School of Wicca” website. “So why do you think it is that this Wicca is so often confused with Satanism?” he asked. I explained that it had a lot to do with media sensationalism. I then mentioned that, having personally known a few Satanists in my time, not even they actually worshipped Satan. Again with the scribbling?

He then asked a couple of questions that I wasn’t entirely comfortable answering. “Where and how often do you meet as a group and how many people are in your Coven?” Without trying to appear too elusive, I offered simply that we celebrated each Full Moon and that a Coven, in the traditional sense, consisted of thirteen members. He asked if there was some secret way to know another Witch when we met. I told him yes there was, but fell short of adding “but if I told you I’d have to kill you” and instead opted for the more sane, but slightly less truthful answer, “by their pentacle, of course!”

So, fifty-five minutes later I was pronounced sane for another year. On the way out, I mentioned that I was off to finish some masonry work that we were doing on our sunroom. He said, “Well, you are a woman of multiple talents!”

“As long as it’s not multiple personalities…it’s all good!” I replied.

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Mysteries of the Mind...

2011-08-06T18:31:00.006-04:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

So, yesterday I had a decidedly strange, frightening and yet, rewarding experience.

I had received an email a few weeks ago from a counselor at psychiatric facility in our area asking if I would be willing to provide Reiki to one of their patients. The patient, who is on medical disability, had limited resources and couldn't afford the customary fees for Reiki.

Now, I know that there's a line of reasoning about Reiki that suggests that there should be an energy exchange, usually in the form of monetary payment, for services rendered. However, I have always had a real problem charging for healing work and will always offer Reiki, free of charge, to those who are unable to afford the same. I know this may not be consistent with the practice of Reiki, but seriously folks, charging patients who are financially struggling for healing, especially given that I have absolutely no overhead, would be something that would keep me awake at night.

Speaking of things that keep me awake at night, this is where things begin to get a little...strange.

The night before I was to meet my patient, I felt an unease that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Yes, he is a permanent resident in a psychiatric facility and has a history of visual and auditory hallucinations, but that really wasn't a concern. I've interacted with psychiatric patients in the past, I was assured that he was nonviolent and that there would someone present during our session. I actually found the prospect of working with this client...fascinating. Yet, I found myself playing this encounter over in my mind, as I tossed and turned, unable to sleep.

Just as I began to dose off, a disturbing image popped into my mind...

Ok, it wasn't Pope Benedict that haunted my dreams, but seriously who can deny this is the face of evil. What's even scarier, this guy is a major "Spiritual Leader?" ::::shudder::::

No, the image was that of someone younger, with dark hair...but the eyes, the eyes were the same. Almond-shaped, heavy lidded and demonic.

I was startled from my peaceful slumber by a totally unexpected "Holy Crap!" moment! Pun obviously intended.  The image lingered with me for several minutes as I lay there trying to determine what, if anything, might have prompted it. Nothing obvious came to mind. Still, I have been dealing with some stressful life decisions and so I chaulked it up to anxiety or just one of those weird things that happens as we're drifting off. Yes, that must be it. By the next morning, the incident was completely forgotten.

My patient, David, was a young man who has been schizophrenic since the age of 5. He was very pleasant in a socially awkward kind of way. Upon our meeting, I asked him how he'd been feeling, what was troubling him and how I might be able to help. He explained that he was diagnosed with a schizophrenic disorder, that he was a very spiritual person who enjoyed meditation, yoga and who was interested in Witchcraft. He went on to explain that he was experiencing hallucinations in which he saw the "ghost" of his father. His father is still living, but they have had a very bad relationship. He reported hearing things and being unable to sleep because he felt that things were "poking" him. I asked if he'd been actually practicing any Witchcraft and he told me he had been doing candle spells and some healing work on people.

Ok, so the man obviously has a significant psychiatric disorder, but that doesn't mean that he hasn't peaked the interest of some spiritual entities that may be taking advantage of his weakened mental state. It is said that when you begin practicing Witchcraft, you gain the attention of those entities that are drawn to its energy.  I told David that "psychic attacks" while possible, are exceedingly rare. I suggested he discuss these issues with his physicians to see if perhaps he was experiencing the unpleasant side effects of one of his medications. I further explained that he needed to learn to shield himself properly if he was going to continue to practice any type of Witchcraft.

Although, some practitioners prefer quiet, I enjoy having soft meditation music playing during my Reiki sessions. I find it prepares both myself and my patient for the experience.For me, it's kind of like the scent of incense when I first enter ritual space. Even before the Circle has been cast, I'm already there.

When I was ready to begin David's Reiki session, I asked him to lie down and make himself comfortable. I had my back to him as I fiddled with the volume on my IPod. When I turned toward him, I noticed that his eyes, which were piercing blue and almond shaped, were now completely rolled back in his head! Suddenly, the image from my dream the night before came flooding back. My breath caught in my throat and I could feel another "Holy Crap" moment coming on! His eyes remained fixed in this position for the entire hour I was with him, even after he'd fallen asleep. I gotta tell ya, it was friggin' creepy!

When our session ended, he seemed much more calm and happier than when I'd arrived. This was more than enough of an "energy exchange" for me. We chatted a little as I told him the areas that I'd focused on and shared that, in addition to the Reiki symbols I had used, that I'd also surrounded him with some banishing pentagrams, just in case he did have some uninvited guests hanging around.

Afterwards, David left the room and I spoke to his counselor about the possibility of bringing him some Cascaria. Cascaria is a white chaulk made from powdered egg shells. It is used in some practices such as Santeria and Voodoo to aid in protection. I was taught that it can be applied to the palms of the hands, the soles of the feet and the top of the head to ward off unwanted energies..

While I truly believe that David's problem is more psychological, than spiritual, I thought that perhaps this might act as a placebo, should he continue to be convinced that he was under some form of psychic attack. His counselor agreed and thought this was a wonderful idea.

David ran up to me as I was leaving and asked if I had a pentacle that he might buy from me. I told him that I believed I did, but that it would be a gift. He was very pleased!

When I arrived back home, I asked my husband to come out to the deck and to bring some white sage. Given my strange dream and even stranger encounter with David when we'd met, I felt that perhaps some extra precaution might be in order.  I truly felt that it would be best not to enter our home until I had thoroughly smudged myself.   Once inside, I proceeded to wash my hands with soap and consecrated water. I believe it's always better to err on the side of caution and you know what they say......

In Darkness, Light!!!

Tracy

A Quirky Bunch...

2011-07-28T09:08:00.002-04:00

We humans are a quirky bunch, aren’t we? Intelligent, yet savage. Yet, we fancy ourselves to be the most intelligent and most complex of all the species on this lovely place we call home. But are we really?

I watch a dance of nature unfolding outside my window. Rabbits, squirrels, chipmunks, birds, all enjoying the same food source in peaceful cohabitation. They have learned, even without the benefit of our superior intellect, to coexist for the good of all.

So begs the question…what’s up with that?

Think for a moment about your closest relationship; your best friend, spouse, spiritual partner or significant other. I mean REALLY think about them. Can you honestly say you love every unique characteristic of that person? If you can say yes….good for you!!! Personally, I call bullshit! I would be willing to bet there is at least one aspect of that person’s character that you are not entirely thrilled with. I would even go as far as saying that there are friends in your inner circle that you may love, but also, may actually, from time to time, irritate you to an “un-friendly” degree. Alternatively, there are those that you find more consistently annoying, but still consider friends. I believe the correct term is “frenemies”. Despite this, we still feel blessed to have these people in our lives and we are as content to look past their “imperfections” as they are to look past our own. Given the complexity of our human nature, if we didn’t, our species may cease to exist.

But, I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know, right? You are human, after all. Possessing all the intelligence bestowed on us by the Gods and/or creation?

I’m certain we’ve all been asked at one time or another, “Why do you still involve yourself with that person?” And if I'm to be honest, I’ve asked the same question of others. Obviously, not everyone is going to be as enamored with the same people we are and that includes those relationships that are the most significant to us.

Yet, when we truly care for someone, that question may come from a place of concern for their well-being. If the person seems to be caught in an unhealthy pattern of unhappiness based on their relationship, we may be frustrated because they are not seeing things from our perspective. And the fact of the matter is…they may not want to, they don’t have to and more importantly, it’s not our right to expect them to.

But, that’s what we do when we care, isn’t it? It’s one of our more appealing human attributes…empathy. However, there’s a fine line that exists between healthy concern and the desire to control and at times, that line might blur to the point of being indistinguishable.

The true nature of our concern lies in the intention. Why are we concerned and is there true reason for concern? Is the person in question in danger? Do they seem emotionally or physically unwell as a result of this relationship? If the answer is no, then one needs to examine their own motives and intentions, to determine what, if any, benefit will be reaped from the ending of that relationship. If there is any benefit at all, any given advice may be ill advised or divisive.

As humans, I believe we often find ourselves in the eternal quest for the “perfect” in our relationship/s, as well as in ourselves. Occasionally, we are convinced that we’ve found that perfection. Whether it’s a best friend or a soul mate, group dynamic, there’s one thing I can guarantee, even if it comes close, it isn’t. And if perfection in ourselves is unattainable, what right do we have to criticize the choices someone else makes about theirs?

I began to re-examine some of the more challenging relationships in my life; those that I once believed were over before they began. What I discovered about them and about myself was…enlightening. Those perceived “imperfections” were no more or less significant than my own and I began to see and appreciate the “something beautiful” in all of them.

Now consider the more challenging relationships in your life. Perhaps, you've ended them, finding their imperfections insurmountable. What beauty could you find if you looked past their flaws? If you find none exists….so be it. Personally, I call “bullshit”.

Now….shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you?

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Scientists cure cancer, but no one takes notice

2011-05-13T20:21:00.000-04:00

Scientists cure cancer, but no one takes notice

Blame It On Grandma!

2011-04-30T18:47:00.007-04:00

Blessed Beltane, my beloveds!

Today I am celebrating my carefully calculated, albeit not so delicately orchestrated....natal escape!  Yes, it's the day I came kicking and screaming, ass first, into the World!

My birth, however, was a lot like this past Easter. It almost didn't happen!

You see, my parent's marriage began circling the drain long before it had even been consummated. My mother, was the youngest of seven children, six girls and one boy, who came from a strict Italian upbringing. My father, was a handsome, blond haired, blue eyed, bad boy, with a wild heart and temper to match!  Despite my Grandmother's dire prediction that no good could come of it, my Mother found him irresistible! When they secretly eloped at 19 years old, story has it, that my little Italian Grandma took a broom to him!

For the first 14 years of their marriage, my parents remained childless. The doctors discovered that my mother had a condition that made the possibility of her conceiving highly unlikely. Sad, but probably not the worst case scenario under the circumstances.

The doctors were even more shocked than my parents, when at 33 years old, my mother became pregnant. Despite their less than a perfect union, they happily welcomed my sister, Leslie into the World.   Still, their joy was tempered with a warning that, due to my mother's age and her difficulties conceiving, they should be thankful to have one child.

If my parent's relationship improved after my sister's arrival, it was fleeting at best. And if my sister's birth came as surprise, can you imagine my Mother's reaction when, 14 years later, at the tender age of 41 years, she found herself, once again, pregnant!  Back in the day, this gave the term "advanced maternal age, a whole new meaning!

My Mother was in a state of complete and utter...denial! She consulted two different doctors and took 4 pregnancy tests before she accepted the fact that she was going to have another child!   And I can't really say I blame her! Thankfully, abortion was still illegal at the time or I might not be here to tell the tale!   My father, on the other hand, was beyond ecstatic! You see, he had mellowed with age and looked forward to the "blessed event".

And so, on Beltane, more years ago that I am willing to admit...a Witch was born!

Talk about wielding a wicked broom! Way to go, Grandma!

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

The Easter That Almost Wasn't...

2011-04-24T02:08:00.017-04:00

So, I guess I don't have to remind you that today is Easter Sunday. I, on the other hand, actually did need to be reminded.

For the past 16 years, Easter, for me, has been a formality. I've celebrated it, not because I rejoice in Christ's resurrection, but as a courtesy to those in my family who do. Please don't misunderstand, I am happy for Christ having risen. And I'm happy for all those that are happy that Christ has risen.   I simply don't follow in the same footsteps as those that rejoice.

When I was a child, Easter was indeed a major holiday. Almost as grand as Christmas...or at least, to my child's mind, it felt that way. My Mother would take me for a new Easter outfit every year. I'd wait with the same breathless anticipation of the Easter Bunny as I'd had for Santa Claus. The evening before, we would sit at the kitchen table dying eggs and on Easter morning, I would wake to a basket overflowing with jelly beans, chocolate eggs and a huge chocolate rabbit. But, when it was time for the Easter Sunday Mass, it would be my Aunt Mary that would take me to church rather than my parents. I really don't remember my parents attending any type of formal religious services unless someone married or died.   And while I may have sat patiently through the Mass as a child, it wasn't until I was much older that I actually understood the meaning behind the celebration.

Sure, I enjoy celebrating the Christian holidays. I've always loved the warm fuzzy feeling that the "Spirit of the Season" brings. Given that Christ is one of the Deities I honor, and that I have Christian family, I will still celebrate his birth, but that doesn't mean I feel the need to celebrate all the holidays in his honor. I honor him more often, along with my other Deities, with devotions and offerings on my altar.

In light of my father in law's recent passing, there didn't seem to be a reason for a formal Easter celebration this year. Our Christian family members are scattered too far and wide for us to celebrate together. Our kid's are currently "undeclared" in terms of their religious beliefs, or at least for holidays where there are no actual gifts involved, and have long since outgrown the Easter Bunny. Although, they so bemoaned the tragedy that is their lives without their Easter baskets, that we broke down and bought them each a chocolate bunny.

I must confess that, while at least for me Easter seemed more of an afterthought this year, we will be celebrating it.  We will celebrate in honor of my father-in-law, Mike and all those who find hope and strength in their faith. And while Christ might suggest that a celebration in his honor belongs to everyone, I believe, I've finally reconciled that I no longer consider Easter one of mine.

On March 21st, we celebrated the Pagan holiday of Ostara or the Spring Equinox.  It is also a celebration of the return of the sun and is a time of rebirth.  And although the outfit I wore was not picked out for me by my Mom, it was the one she saw me come into the World wearing!

Easter Blessings!

Tracy

Splendor in the Grass!

2011-04-22T11:22:00.004-04:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

"The grass is alway greener on the other side".

My Mom used to say this often when we were growing up. It's the adage often used during our moments of self-doubt. Whether we are questioning our accomplishments, the choices we've made or the relationships in our lives, what we are doing, in actuality, is holding them up for comparison to see how they well measure up to that of others. At times, this self doubt may be the catalyst for change that motivates us to strive for better. At others, it's the fire of envy that consumes us to the point that we recklessly pursue something that exists only in our imaginations. Unfortunately, we often don't recognize this until we're looking back on what we've left behind.

We've all experienced periods of uncertainty. We wouldn't be human if we didn't. I know I have, probably more times than I can count. But during those times, I've tried to practice the art of mindful stillness, rather than rushing head long into the fire of self-doubt.

The last several months have posed quite a challenge for me. I recognize this as being part of my initiation process. Challenging? Yes. Unexpected? Well, perhaps enlightening might be a better word.

That greener grass I've gazed longing upon? Well, for as much as it might have appeared to be so, upon closer inspection, it was actually astro turf!   Still, there really is no way to fully appreciate those things we have, without actually comparing them to what we perceive might be better.

Better? Perhaps. Or is it merely....astro turf?

We all wear different masks. We change them in order to suit our situation. Some might consider this "shapeshifting".   At what point does the "shape" become a dramatic break in character and the "shift", a sacrifice of one's integrity in order to get ahead. Make no mistake, the truly wise will see through the blatantly disingenuous.

Weeping for some one's plight without empathy for their pain does not translate into compassion. Even the most mediocre actor can master tears. True greatness of spirit comes from sharing and acknowledging one's pain and offering comfort from your own heart. To offer any less is bound to ring hollow, even to ears that are desperately seeking solace.

Working "in the light" as a matter of convenience does not make one a "lightworker".  Healing is a gift when shared freely with those in need, not merely those that are deemed worthy. A true "lightworker" has the ability to put aside their ego in order to elevate others to their higher potential.  They recognize the purpose and meaning in all things.  One cannot elevate the spirits of those that they are walking upon.

Personal prejudice has no place in sacred space. If your group dynamics seems to be more of revolving door rather than a Circle, perhaps it's time to reconsider your place there. While there is always a certain amount of culling involved, if the exodus involves a specific type of person or gender, it may reflect an underlying hostility being carried over from the mundane.

Trust and respect are cultivated through patience, love and with the passage of time.  They allow us to be strong when things are at their worst and yet, humble in our in our strength. Trust, honor and respect are not granted based on who we are or what we believe we deserve, but what we've done to deserve them.

"Forgive and forget".  Ah yes, another of my Mother's "pearls of wisdom". The two have never been meant to be used interchangably. To attempt to forget is to negate those memories that our psyches deem too painful to revisit and yet, there are is lessons held within those painful memories that may protect us from repeating our mistakes. Forgiveness is the act of moving past one's pain to allow for healing, not denying what that pain has taught us.

And the moral of the story..

If it doesn't grow....it isn't grass!

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Fine Tuning the Stereo...

2011-04-15T09:18:00.005-04:00

Merry Meet Once Again Family and Friends!

Declaring one's self a Wiccan or Witch doesn't grant carte blanche in terms of acceptance in today's society. And there's a reason for that...

The Wicked Witch of the West! No, not really. The portrayal of the "Wicked Witch" goes as far back as the Bible, but she's a benchmark example of what many of us grew up believing a Witch was supposed to look like and how they were believed to behave. But it doesn't stop there...

Yes, Witches/Wiccans have a fairly substantial stereotype to overcome in order to gain the same acceptance offered freely to other religions.

Mrs. Patrick Stewart fought 10 years simply to have the right to display the pentacle, the symbol of our beliefs, on her husband, Sgt. Patrick Stewart's headstone. Sgt. Stewart was killed in Afganistan. Love your Freedom, Thank a Vet? Mrs. Stewart didn't want thanks. She simply wanted her husband to be honored in the same manner as those who fought and died along side him.

How many of you who practice Wicca or who consider yourselves Witches are actually "open" about your beliefs? Many of us are, but there are far more who aren't. We can't afford to be. And it's not merely a matter of societal pressures, but often, a battle for acceptance that is being fought within our own families as well.

Why? Why does a religion whose basic tenet is, "harm none, do as ye will", have to struggle so hard to gain acceptance? Fear...well, actually fear based on misperceptions. And let's face it, take a good look at some of these images. Why would anyone go out of their way to learn more about what being a modern day Witch actually means, when they have had these images ingrained in their psyches since childhood? Even the most open-minded among us, upon hearing the word, "Witch", conjure up these images, rather than this...

Yeah, that's me.

However, if you are a tourist, visiting Salem, Massachusetts, the perception of what a Witch is supposed to look like is exactly what you might expect to see. In Salem, the "Halloween Capital of the World" being a Witch is business. You may not see someone dressed as the stereotypical Witch, but I suspect you'd be disappointed if there weren't those playing the part. In Salem, a city rich in Witchcraft's history, being a Witch is perfectly acceptable. That is not to suggest that there are no actual Witches in Salem.

I absolutely love Salem and all those that work so hard to make it the lovely and magickal place it is!

However, many of us, dare I say, most of us, are not in the business of Witchcraft. Being a Wiccan/Witch is an expression of our spirituality. It's a religious and/or magickal path, not a career path. It's the way in which we connect with and honor our Gods, not pay our mortgages. We reside in average communities, living "mundane" lives, for as much as any Witch can consider their lives "mundane" in the traditional sense of the word. Unlike Salem, for most of us, being a Witch is not a means of promoting tourism or stimulating the economy.

Personally speaking, I don't know if I will ever gain acceptance living in a place where prejudices arise based what side of town you live on or how long you've been a resident. And, I certainly don't expect to see businesses sprouting up because Ridgewood has it's own "UnOfficial Witch"...and I wouldn't want them too.

Wife, Mother, Surgical Coordinator, Reiki Practitioner...Witch! Tourist Attraction...not so much!

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

One Witch's, "Violent Torpedo of Truth"

2011-04-12T21:03:00.002-04:00

So, I woke up this morning to this video and I wanted to drown myself in my coffee.

Apparently, a group of Salem Witches gathered to perform a "magickal intervention" to prevent Charlie Sheen from using certain words that are "sacred" to the Craft, those being "Goddess", "Warlock" and "High Priest".

So my question is, when did the "Craft" acquire the exclusive rights to the words, "Goddess", "Warlock" or "High Priest?" Those words have been used for centuries and are quite common place. If you've read J.K. Rolling's "Harry Potter" or have seen the movies, you've obviously heard the word "Warlock", haven't you? Or perhaps you've seen Jennifer Lopez advertising Gillette's Venus Razor with their slogan, "Bring Out the Inner Goddess in You". If you're a Country music fan, than you already know that Conway Twitty is the "High Priest" of Country Music! I actually didn't know this, but apparently it's true! What can I say, the World's a twisted place!

And what's up with the resurgence of the word, "Warlock". I can't begin to count how many times over the years, I've been asked, "so is a Warlock a male Witch?" In some Christian and Scottish traditions the word "Warlock" was the term used for a male Witch. However, the English version of the word "Warlock" actually meant "oath breaker" or "deceiver". I can only imagine that the word was dropped when referring to Witches because of its negative connotations. A male Witch was simply..well, a Witch.

I know quite a few well respected occult practitioners that refer to themselves as Warlocks. Charlie Sheen is obviously not one of them. So, it begs the question, if you are a male, who is open about your occult practices, what is the purpose of using the word, "Warlock?" I mean, the male part is obvious, isn't it? As far as the Witch part is concerned, well...a rose by any other name...

All this being said, I want to explain a little about the video for those who might be unfamiliar. What the Witches in the video are doing is referred to as "casting a circle". A "circle" is a protective place of power. It is the sacred space wherein one establishes their connection to the Gods. It is often considered to be "Between the Worlds" and is "a place that is not a place and a time that is not a time". What they are attempting to do is a "binding" which simply means that they will prevent Charlie Sheen from using words that, at least to these particular Witches, are considered "sacred".

I.Am.Not.Making.This.Up!

So, while we're on the subject of Charlie Sheen violating the "sacred", how bout' those video cameras in ritual space? Shouldn't a place where you are at one with the Gods, be held as sacred? At a time that is not a time, in a place that is not a place, there should be no place or time for watches, cellphones or video cameras. Or at least, this is the way I was taught. And while there may be no hard and fast rules, perhaps there should be.

So, Charlie Sheen presumably used the "sacred" words? Whose words? If you're a practicing Wiccan, perhaps there are words that you consider "sacred", but I'm fairly certain these are not them!

Charlie Sheen may enjoy making a public spectacle of himself. With all due respect to the Salem Witches however, we Wiccans/Witches have enough to do to be taken seriously without riding on the coattails of Charlie's Sheen's "Violent Torpedo of Truth".

Some have speculated that Charlie Sheen has lost his mind. Perhaps he is a little crazy. I suspect Charlie knows exactly what he's doing.

You know the old saying, "Any publicity is good publicity?" In some case, it doesn't always apply.

Consider the Salem Witch Trials. N'uff said.

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

The Curse of Midas

2011-04-07T20:43:00.001-04:00

Merry Meet and Blessings Family and Friends!

So, if you've seen the video in my last blog entry, you know that there was a conference held at Harvard entitled the "Social Transformation by the Power of God Conference". Apparently, there are some people that consider Witchcraft and the practitioners thereof, to be a..."contemporary menace to society".

The video, which has been posted on several internet sites, gets funnier every time I've seen it! I especially like the part where Dr. Pat Francis, wails, "we bleed the blood of Jesus over every altar of false religion".

False religion? By who's estimation? Have these people actually done any research into our religion? Or do they simply enjoy working themselves up into a tizzy of hatred and intolerance in the name of Jesus Christ? I wonder what Jesus would say? Perhaps, I'll have to ask him myself, given that, along with the other Deities on my "altar of false religion", I also have a crucifix.

Many of the Witches who viewed this video rallied a response to block the intent of this conference. That's not necessarily a bad idea. One of the worst things one can do is to assume that the negativity that's being generated here won't be effective because you don't believe it will. Quite frankly, I've seen some pretty nasty things happen to those who arrogantly decide that they, "don't believe in that stuff". Obviously, if Harvard hosted an entire conference devoted to ridding the World of us, we must have provided some fairly convincing evidence as to the power of Witchcraft. I mean, I would hate to think that an institution as prestigious as Harvard would be hosting a bunch of right wing fanatics who've taken up the cross against a religion whose basic tenet is, "An it harm none, do as ye will".

Personally, I felt no pressing need to protect myself from Dr. Francis and her merry band of witch hunters. I certainly didn't feel the need to protect myself from the "Power of Christ". No, I was more concerned by the hatred being bred by these self-appointed "Apostles", who are intent on ridding society of it's "menaces".

And how about those "generational curses" that Dr. Francis and her colleagues are convinced are the result of the practice of Witchcraft. Perhaps they should "bleed the blood of Jesus" over the altars of those who inflict the generational curses that follow sexually abused children into adulthood...anxiety/depression, Post-traumatic stress disorders, suicide attempts, substance abuse, self-mutilation...just to name a few. Children born to sexually abused parents are at increased risk of being physically, emotionally and/or sexually abused.

"Inter-generational transmission of physical abuse is thought to develop as a result of patterning parental behavior experienced as a child; that is, a child who experiences physical abuse as a child is at risk to repeat this behavior as an adult (Zuravin, McMillin, DePanfilis, & Risley-Curtiss, 1996)."

Perhaps those of us who practice the fine art of Witchery should hold a conference to illuminate the real menaces to society, those who hide behind Christ while violating the innocent.

Hey, Dr. Francis...obviously not everything that Christians "touch" turns to gold.

Oh, by the way...we're still here.

In Darkness, Light

Tracy

Proud to be a pentacle wearin, Witchcraft practicin' Menace to Society!

Witch hunters hold a conference at Harvard

2011-04-01T13:11:00.000-04:00

Begone! You have no power here!

2012 - A Message of Hope

2011-03-31T20:47:00.000-04:00

It's Funny Until...

2011-03-30T21:26:00.001-04:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

So, this morning I signed on to AOL and the first thing that was displayed on my "Welcome" screen was an article about a woman who was fired from her job as a TSA (Transportation Security Administration) agent because she was Wiccan. Apparently, the woman was well respected and had a flawless employment record, until her co-workers learned she was a Witch. Afterwards, she was subject to harassment and claims that she had cast "hexes" upon her co-workers. The article read as follows:

"She was in the top 10 percent in Albany at catching weapons on the X-ray machine. She passed her skills test on the first try. She caught a woman on her way to Vietnam with $30,000 in cash. And she didn't mind working with the passengers -- her training as a massage therapist kept her from being squeamish, as some officers were, about patting down elderly and special-needs passengers.

"http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/03/28/wiccan-tsa-agent-fired_n_841510.html

Obviously, a glowing Personnel record was not enough to prevent her from being fired or from being harassed in the workplace because of her religion.

If you're a practicing Wiccan and open about your beliefs, at some point you're going to encounter the typical decades old jokes, "Where did you park your broom?", "Where's your pointy hat?", "How come you're not green?" or "Are you a good Witch or a bad Witch?"

Comments such as these have probably been circulating since Gerald Gardner introduced Wicca to the general population and are merely some of the petty nuisances that come with the territory. Most of us simply brush them off as a byproduct of ignorance, not necessarily in the derogatory sense, but in that there are still those who are woefully misinformed about the religion of Wicca. However, if this is the extent of the negativity you experience, consider yourself...blessed.

I can't say that I've ever been subjected to the degree of harassment experienced by my Wiccan counterpart. Aside from some friendly teasing by acquaintances, most people have been very respectful.

Occasionally however, I will participate in our community's blog. Many a time the discussion will be purposely steered away of the topic at hand and directed toward my being Wiccan. Recently, the following comment was posted:

"Maybe we should pour a bucket of water on Tracy to see if she melts".

On the surface, this appears to be nothing more than another tired attempt at humor and that's the manner in which it was perceived. However, upon further consideration, I realized that it had much darker implications in that it encourages others, that may be unstable and living within my own community, toward acts of physical aggression. I'm certain that was not the manner in which it was intended, but then again the poster obviously hadn't bothered to think that far before typing.

That said, can you ever imagine walking up to a Christian co-worker and saying, "Hey, how's that second coming going for ya? Hope you haven't been holding your breath!" or "Let's drop a penny on the floor to see how many Jews go for it". It's bigoted and disrespectful and anyone with even a minute amount of common sense wouldn't dream of behaving this way.

Yet, as Wiccans, this is the kind we encounter routinely. We've been more than a little patient...if not a little bored.

So what about this woman's situation made it different than anyone else who has been dismissed from their job or discriminated against in the workplace. Surely not every one's case makes headlines. If she had been practicing a mainstream religion, it would have probably been handled internally, without the need for media involvement. The only thing that made her situation newsworthy is that she's Wiccan and the circumstances of her firing involved allegations of Witchcraft. Oh..those crazy Wiccans!

So, I wonder, how does such a controversial group manage to remain under the radar? Common sense would suggest that if all the rumors you've heard about us and our practices were true, it would be almost impossible for us to avoid attention, and yet, most us do so every day with very little effort on our parts.

I know! Perhaps it's that Witchcraft thing! Maybe the reason why we aren't constantly the focus of media attention is because we've cast a "hex" or two to remain out of the limelight. If you believe that, you might find the truth even more shocking.

Most of us follow a version of the same basic tenets taught by most of the mainstream religions and live our lives accordingly. We are successful at our jobs, at raising our children and are active and productive members of our communities. Despite this, at times our livelihoods are placed in jeopardy, our parenting skills may be called into question, along with our sanity. Our ability to live our lives and express ourselves openly, with the same respect thats given to those of different faiths is compromised, simply because we choose to follow an alternative religious path.

Today, as I listened to the radio, I heard a beautiful advertisement by nycprayer.org that declared, "It's time to pray! Find a prayer meeting in your area!". On Friday evenings I often hear, "Sundown begins at 5:45 p.m. Good Shabas and Shabbat Shalom!".

Seriously, can you ever imagine ever hearing, "Blessings of the Full Moon! Come join us for our public Esbat! Don't forget your robe!?"

I wonder if I can get air time?

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Change. Spelled, "M-a-g-i-c-k"

2011-03-19T08:33:00.008-04:00

Merry Meet and Blessed Equinox Family and Friends!

So, the following question was posed on Facebook, "Do you use the words, "magick" or "magic" and why?" It's a fine question!

Aleister Crowley added the "k" to the traditional spelling of the word "magic" to differentiate it from stage magic, i.e. pulling rabbits out of asses, (ooops, outside voice) I meant, hats...card tricks, sawing women in half...you get the point.

Aleister defined "Magick" as it pertains to the occult arts as, "the Science and Art of causing change to occur in conformity with Will" and so do I.

I have to say that some of the answers to the Facebook query were not at all what I'd expected.

Many of posters said that they used the traditional spelling of the word, when referring to the practice of Witchcraft, in order to avoid, "drawing attention to myself". Really? Wait...What?! To say the least, I was a tad confused.

I believe part of the problem I have in wrapping my mind around this line of reasoning comes from my own conditioning. I kind of eased my way out of the "broom closet" almost as an afterthought. Most people had known me for years before learning that I did things...well, a little differently. I have been very fortunate in that I have had the support of family, friends, co-workers and employers who are open-minded and non judgemental.

That being said, I'm still not getting the whole, "to avoid drawing attention to myself" rational.

Seriously, how often do we use the word, "magic" in our mundane lives when we're referring its traditional meaning? I would think that if someone mentions the word, spelling notwithstanding, it's going to draw a little attention. It's just that kind of word.

"I'm going to do a little magic/Magick".

There are only a couple of possibilities, really. You are either a professional entertainer or a Witch. If you're a professional entertainer, well..you'd more than likely welcome the attention. As a Witch...well, as a Rule of Thumb, it's not always a good idea to use the word where it might provoke..you know, those funny looks we get when it's realized that we're not exactly referring to pulling rabbits out of aaa...hats.

Despite how far many of us have come in terms of acceptance of our beliefs, the majority of us are still, "in the broom closet". How we spell the word that defines our practice isn't going to change how the person behind the door is perceived.

"the Science and Art of causing change to occur in conformity with Will" ~ Aleister Crowley

Shouldn't we really be asking...

"Will change occur with conformity?"

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Witch...are you?

2011-01-15T13:46:00.013-05:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

There are few things I find quite as distasteful, not to mention embarrassing to the Wiccan/Pagan community, than the use of the word, "Witch" for the sole purpose of its shock value. I'm not referring to the overzealous, adolescent Harry Potter or Charmed fan or even the neophyte, who is filled with passion for their new found path. No, I'm referring to those self-proclaimed "serious" practitioners who toss around the title for no other reason than the anticipated reaction.

More amusing, but no less adolescent, is that these same individuals will often allude to their magickal prowess, offering veiled suggestions as to what they may be capable of, should by word or deed, you happen to bruise their delicate egos.

If this at all sounds too familiar (no pun intended) may I suggest finding a more suitable place to put your broom until you have a better understanding of and more respect for, the Craft....and just to be clear, I'm not referring to the movie.

I'm a Wiccan, specifically British Tradition Gardnerian, who practices Witchcraft...with a little rootwork thrown in for good measure. I consider myself a Witch. However, this is NOT what one learns about me upon first we meet. When discussing my beliefs with anyone whom is not Pagan, but whom I perceive to be open-minded, I prefer to use the term, "Wiccan". It's not that I'm opposed to referring to myself as a "Witch". I've used the word often with great fondness. Unfortunately, at times there is nothing that slams an open mind shut quicker than hearing the word spoken aloud.

I believe that if we are ever going to change the way we are perceived, we first need the opportunity to educate. If someone recoils in fear (or laughter) when you say, "I'm a Witch", chances are they are going to hear very little of what you say afterwards.

Many Wiccans have chosen to drop the word "Witch" when describing themselves simply because of the stigma associated with it. Personally, I see no need to change the way I define myself in order to make others feel more at ease, nor do I feel the need to wield the word like a sword to convince myself of my own abilities. Those who can, do....without unnecessary pretention.

Despite the degree of acceptance the Wiccan religion has attained, there are still people in third World countries being beheaded for the practice of Witchcraft. That's not to suggest that this might actually happen here any time soon, but there's a nut born every minute whose intentions are a lot scarier than anything I might conjure up! Case in point, the Westboro Baptist Church...nuff' said.

The Pagan community has struggled for years to be taken seriously. Every time an article is written, a documentary or horror flick is filmed, whenever someone claiming to be Wiccan or a Witch portrays themselves in an unfavorable light, it reflects on the entire community as a whole.

A truly knowledgeable and proficient occultist doesn't need to play the "Witch" card as a means of control over a bad relationship, to rebel against one's parents or to intimidate their coworkers. This might also include boasting about whom might be on the receiving end of your next Full Moon's spellcasting. In fact, if you've been wielding a "Witch's Blade" anywhere outside a properly cast Circle, I would suggest you find an alternate use for your other magickal tools as well. I hear a cauldron makes a lovely planter.

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

A New Year's "Pffft"

2011-01-02T10:20:00.003-05:00

Happy 2011 Family and Friends!

I suspect I'm supposed to be writing something about the New Year's beginning or last year's ending. Pffft!

Years begin..other's end. Some of those things that we wish wouldn't follow us into the New Year are going to, whether we want them to are not. Some are bad memories, relationships or unresolved issues that had no intention of leaving us behind merely because the year did. Some of those things are a process of learning or of grieving and require the passage of time before we can let them go. They were not meant to be interrupted.

There are some things however, that we really don't need to drag along into the New Year, do we? There's a reason for the adage, "out with the old, in with the new". It's sorta like cleaning out your closets. There are things that no longer fit the person we've become and instead of letting it go, we hang on by means of some emotional attachment.

Still, we may find new pleasure in things that we'd forgotten...those classics that withstand the test of time. Some will be worth revisiting, while others are just taking up the space better utilized by that which serves to enrich the person we've become.

Personally, I intend to continue with what worked best for me last year. I will find inspiration where the wind takes me, passion in that which draws me to the flame, allow the waters of knowledge to flow through me and trust in the Earth to keep me grounded. I will find pleasure in all those things that nurture my Spirit.

I will *try* to meditate more, learn as many new things present themselves, dance as long as I'm breathing and say I love you as often as I can.

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

For Tyler...

2010-12-12T17:15:00.008-05:00

Happy Yuletide Family and Friends!

It feels rather odd saying that given the nature of this entry.

Recently, a very gifted young man by the name of Tyler Clemente jumped to his death from the George Washington Bridge after his fellow classmates secretly videotaped him engaged in an act of intimacy and posted that video on Youtube. Tyler was gay.

I can't even begin to imagine his parent's agony, especially now during this holiday season. Apparently, they were unaware that Tyler was homosexual.

A few weeks after Tyler's death, I made it a point of talking to my kids about their sexuality. Oh yeah, I went there! Turns out, it wasn't the awkward conversation one might expect.

You see, we are very fortunate that our kids share a lot more than we ever did with our parents at their age. I feel grateful for the level of trust they have in us as parents.

As Wiccans, we believe that all acts of love and pleasure are sacred and to whom that love is shared is not necessarily determined by gender, societal pressures or by mainstream religious beliefs. Our kids, while not practicing Pagans, have grown up in an atmosphere that embraces sexuality as an expression of love, beauty and devotion, rather than a source of fear or embarrassment.

We didn't want our children to be overwhelmed by feelings that they didn't quite understand and wanted them to feel assured that we would love and support them whatever their sexual preference. We also made it clear that the rest of society, as yet, may not be quite as accepting of their choices as we are. We further explained that, much like being openly Neopagan, choosing to openly practice an alternative sexual lifestyle was not for the faint of heart. Still, we didn't want them to view their sexuality as a source of fear or anxiety, but instead, was a natural expression of who they are. Most importantly, we wanted them to be safe.

I've thought often about Tyler Clemente, as well as the other children who've taken their lives for the same reasons. As a parent, my heart breaks to think that he felt that taking his life was better than having those in it learn that he was gay. How different things might have been had he shared his "secret" with those people who loved him. I also can't help but wonder if there was something in his background that prevented him from sharing the same. Was it his religious beliefs or perhaps something in his upbringing that caused him to feel that the truth being revealed was worth dying for.

Adolescence is a time of transformation. It's neither easy, nor painless.

I implore you as parents, speak to your children. Listen to them with open minds and hearts. They may tell you things that you never wanted to know or that go against your moral or religious beliefs. If what you hear is difficult for you, just imagine how hard it may be for them to share. They need to know that not everyone will be on their side, but not everyone's opinion of them matters.

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

The Dance

2010-11-25T20:05:00.005-05:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

I had a love/hate relationship with my sister. I say that because that, in fact, was what it was. There is no better way to explain it. She was intensely jealous and vindictive. Yet, despite an undeniable sibling rivalry, she was also extremely protective of me.

I always wished we could have the kind of fairytale relationship that exists between some sisters and their younger siblings, but it simply wasn't meant to be. Our relationship was complicated, often violent and at times, god-awful to the point that I hated her more than I could any enemy. Yet, when she died 9 years ago, she took a piece of my heart with her. Given the nature of our relationship, it seems only fitting.

Today is Thanksgiving and I've been thinking a lot about my sister.

She and I always spent the holidays together and when we did, we danced. It didn't matter what holiday we were celebrating, we danced! I've missed that so very much! The dancing. And the laughter. And the times when we put every other inconsequential emotion behind us.

I've felt, for a very long time, that these were mere moments, lost in time and then today, when my heart really needed those missing pieces...unexpectedly, I danced. I danced with wild, reckless abandon, out on the deck, in the rain. Not with my sister...but with my own daughter. We laughed and danced and it took my breath away.

My heart, will be forever thankful!

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

The Mystery of Faith

2010-11-20T17:32:00.018-05:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

Yesterday was a weird day. Ok. Allow me to rephrase. Yesterday was a weirder day than usual.

Firstly, I got about 3 hours sleep because my husband and I were awake and talking until 3 a.m. We were grappling with a difficult decision and 3 a.m. seemed as best a time as any to have this conversation. Yet, despite our efforts and lack of sleep, we still hadn't resolved anything by morning.

I dragged my ass out of bed, much earlier than I ever wanted to, but it was Saturday and on Saturday mornings, I dance. I dance to stay healthy. I dance because it keeps me sane. I danced as if my life depended on it!

At the end of the class, a woman who I'd seen before, but to whom I'd never spoken, walked up and introduced herself. She asked me my name and then held out her hand offering me a brightly colored wrist band. If you are unfamiliar, these are the popular, half inch wide rubber bands, with a word or slogan written on them. I just assumed that the wrist band said, "Zumba", since this was the class we'd just taken, but instead, it held a single word, "Faith".

On a good day, I usually avoid accepting something like this because what usually follows is an admonishment that if I don't accept Jesus Christ as my personal savior there will be a table in Hell with a place card bearing my name. I held my breath and awaited the sermon. "I just wanted to give these out", she said. "To those that might need them". Not at all what I expected! I welcomed both the words and the gift.

You see, as I drove to class this morning, still struggling with the wee morning hour's unresolved dilemma, I called upon those who guide me when I'm beginning to feel that I'm losing faith that the answer I seek will be found.

As a Christian, I'd been taught that if I prayed long and hard enough, God would intercede on my behalf and the only thing I needed to have was "faith". And so, during those times, I prayed just as I'd been taught and when that didn't happen, I pleaded, begged and whined.

What I learned however, was that faith alone wasn't always enough and when I questioned why, after putting my prayers in God's hands they still went unanswered, I was told that, "God works in mysterious ways".

:::Cue annoying buzzer sound:::

Wrong answer!

So, why do millions of Christians "keep the faith", despite numerous unanswered prayers, and I didn't? I believe the reason is that their faith comes from the acceptance that this is all part of "God's Will" and I just considered it false advertising!

You see, I grew up believing the stories of Christ's miracles...a virgin birth, arising from the dead, turning water into wine. So naturally, I had faith that my prayers, which obviously required a lot less effort than, ya know...walking on water, would be answered. When that didn't happen, I began to wonder who I needed to pray to get a refund!

While I can't really say that I've given the concept of "faith" much thought of late, I do believe my perception of the word has changed.

The Wiccan path is one of personal responsibility, so there really hasn't been a need for groveling and begging for Deity to intervene on my behalf. In fact, I've seen more evidence of the existence of the Gods in my life than I ever have before. I believe this comes from the realization that the Gods really don't owe me anything! I've learned that one has to be willing to work on mundane level to manifest their goals before they can expect the Gods to offer any assistance and even then, the choice to do so is there own.

So, does that mean I never ask for help from the Gods? I mean, they are Gods, isn't that why we worship them? Not so much.

My faith lies not in what the Gods are willing to do for me, but in the acceptance that at times they will help me to my feet and at others, will allow me to fall on my ass. After all, they are not the all loving, benevolent beings from my days as a Christian, but instead, have qualities that often mirror the many dark and light aspects of our own personalities. I have also come to understand that they will not venture into the realm of my own personal journey, if the difficulties I encounter, no matter how painful, will ultimately result in my gaining the wisdom and strength to face the next challenge. For this, I am grateful.

I believe that I have relationship with Deity that is based on honor, service and devotion and so I often see their presence in the "mysterious ways" that things have a way of working out just the way I need them to. I've also learned that the gifts of the Gods, while ever sweet, are indeed gifts and are not to be confused with obligation.

Perhaps...therein lies the mystery.

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

The Joy of Being....

2010-10-08T12:00:00.008-04:00

Ah, a Witch in October!

It's kind of like being...a Turkey at Thanksgiving! It's the time when we, as Witches, are most often cast into the public eye. The media, which have been more than happy to pretend we don't exist all year long, come out of the wood work clambering to jump on the Halloween bandwagon with some article or documentary that includes an interview with a "real" Witch. Unfortunately, the media has little, if any, interest in discovering what those of us who refer to ourselves as Witches are really about, unless of course, there happens to be some kind of ritualistic murder, grave desecration or equally heinous crime. Then we may be suspect, but it's usually the Satanists who get the blame! No, in my humble opinion, their primary interest lies in finding the one person who is willing to step out of the proverbial broom closet into the spotlight, and whom most closely resembles the Hollywood "Witch" stereotype. And, find them they do! Unfortunately, despite our attempts to reassure the general population otherwise, this only serves to confirm what has been suspected about us all along...that we are part of the lunatic fringe!

I gotta be honest though, we do attract our share of crazies or those seekers who are simply interested in Witchcraft or Wicca for its "cool" factor. And, we Witches do all sorts of interesting things, don't we? We dance under the full moon, cast Circles with sharp, pointy knives, go through tons of incense and attend amazing clothing optional festivals! It is pretty cool, actually! Sadly however, many of these path seekers have little in the way of actual experience or knowledge of our historical background. And while it may be fun to "dress the part", unless you really know your Craft, the last thing you want to do is publicly discuss an already misunderstood practice with those people who are more interested in, "what kind of broom do you ride?".

So what do they really do in October, those Witches? Well, I'm sure like most people, many of us will do the usual stuff one does on Halloween,.rifle through our kid's Trick or Treat bags for the best candy, watch scary movies or perhaps, attend a Halloween party or two.

Many of us however, will also be celebrating the Festival of Samhain. Samhain, pronounced, "sow-un", is the Wiccan Sabbat honoring our beloved ancestors and those Witches of good character who have gone on before us. It's said to be the time when the veil between the Worlds is most thin.

You might find us sitting before a crackling fire, under a beautiful crescent moon, the scent of incense carried on the night's breeze. Fallen leaves swirl around us, as we huddle close, keeping each other warm. Gazing across the Circle, we look into the many beautiful faces of those friends who have become Clan. A steady drumbeat echoes the sound of their voices, the flames illuminating their tears, as they chant the names of those loved ones who have since crossed the veil.

I know that for some, this might sound like a strange practice. Yet, every Sunday millions of Christians attend religious services in which they reenact Christ’s Last Supper. They are invited to receive the Holy Eucharist and partake in the “body and blood of Christ”. Now, if by some quirk of fate you’ve never heard of Christ or this practice within the Christian mass, it does sound a lot like cross between Sanguine Vampirism and Cannibalism. And yet, it is an acceptable religious practice in our society. For Christians around the World this is just a normal part of their religious beliefs. Of course, we are familiar with Jesus Christ and understand that it’s neither of these things, but is symbolic of taking Deity into one’s self. It’s a beautiful sacrament, but no more so than the Wiccan “Great Rite”, the symbolic sacred marriage of the God and Goddess.

And, what about the practices of other mainstream religions. In Judaism, ritual circumcision is a practice that has been passed down from generation to generation. It is believed to be the first Commandment given to God by Abraham. "And on the 8th day he shall have his foreskin circumcised" (Leviticus 12:3). And, yet for those of the Jewish faith in our society, this is a perfectly acceptable practice as well. For someone unfamiliar however, it might very well be mistaken for the same type of genital mutilation that is common place in some Muslim countries.
Yet as Wiccans/Witches, if we were to engaged in something even remotely similar to that which is practiced by either faith, it would be perceived as something “evil”. But…I digress.

For most of us however, being a Witch is not just cool, it's, well...life. And it's a life that includes not only beautiful moonlit rituals, but all those little mundane aspects that most people define as "normal". Getting kids off to school, food shopping, going to work...walking the dog. But, cleaning dog shiii..um, poop off one's shoe hardly ever gets ratings.

Most people aren't interested in "normal" anyway. Normal is boring! They want drama! They want scandal! They want to hear about all those things they just know we're doing behind closed Coven doors! Orgiastic rituals, devil worship and blood sacrifices! Oh My!!! Now that's entertainment, my friends! Sorry to disappoint, but personally, my life simply isn't that...um, entertaining.

So, why would any sane person refer to themselves by a name that strikes fear in the hearts of some and induces uncontrollable fits of laughter in others? Why would one subject themselves to those cocked head, quizzical expressions that our dogs oft times give us when they are trying really, really hard to figure out what the hell we're talking about? What would possibly compel a seemingly (And I said "seemingly") normal wife and mother living in the suburbs of New Jersey to declare herself a "Witch" and endure the stigma of 400 years worth of misconceptions?

Courage!

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

This entry has been cross posted in part by C.L. Ross at http://clross.net/

"Do Witches Go To Heaven?

2010-10-04T18:37:00.027-04:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

So, now for some happy news! I recently had an article published on Witchvox! It was the first I'd submitted and was quite pleased that it had been accepted!

For those unfamiliar, Witchvox, also known as "The Witches' Voice" is a World-Wide Networking resource for well...Wiccans and Witches and Pagans! Oh My! So, if you're looking to connect with people of like minds, a group to practice with or events of interest that might be taking place in your area, this is the place you want to visit!

That being said, one of the perks of having an article published is that I've gotten some really great feedback via private email. One such email however, posed a moral and ethical dilemma for me, both as an occultist, as well as a parent.

The email came from a boy my son's age, who had a predicament of his own. He told me that he felt he had the "power" and wanted me to teach him to be a Witch. His great, great Grandmother was a White Witch and he wanted to be one too. Despite his desire however, he was afraid that God might not allow him into Heaven if he practiced Witchcraft. His question to me was, could he become a Witch and still go to Heaven? Seriously, I'm not making this up!

Ya gotta know, it was close to Midnight when I read his email. I wasn't sure if I was even awake enough to give him the answer that he needed or more importantly, the one that I felt was the most spiritually responsible. I sat there, half asleep, staring at his email and thinking, "Crap! This is really hard!"

My first instinct was to gush with excitment as I shared my passion for the Craft. I wanted him to know that I became interested in Witchcraft when I was much younger than his 14 years, and that even as a little girl, I wanted to be a Witch. I wanted to tell him that I would have gladly given up a place in Heaven, if it meant fulfilling my dream!

Then my maternal instinct kicked in and I just couldn't do it. Yes, all that would be true, but was it my responsibility? This kid had obviously been taught to believe in the Christian concept of Heaven and Hell and I wasn't about to negate the teachings of his parents and/or his Church. It saddened me, however, to hear that he was so fearful that the God he was taught to love was a vengeful God that would deny entry into Heaven if he were to follow his heart.

I began to recall my own humble beginnings and those dark nights of the soul when I questioned my Christian upbringing, which trust me, was hardly an "upbringing" at all. I found myself confused by the underlying sense of foreboding as I contemplated the possibility of betraying the beliefs that, although I felt no connection to, were all I'd ever known. I was reluctant to confess, even to myself, that I'd never been a Christian...really. And while I still had an affection for the person known as Jesus Christ, I couldn't claim to be a fan of some of his cheering section. After all, these were the very same people who kept assuring me that should I practice Witchcraft, not only would I lose my reservation in Heaven, but that I might consider dressing for a MUCH warmer climate! Yet, my heart beckoned and I followed, and for the first time in my life I understood why I'd questioned my faith. See, now I'm gushing!

So what words of wisdom did I impart on my little friend? Well, I told him that Witches read...a lot! And that most Witches spend years studying to learn to be Witches. I told him that the first step to being a Witch was learning as much as he could before deciding if being a Witch was really what he wanted to do. I explained that huge responsibility came with practicing Witchcraft, as we were always mindful that our actions were not causing harm to ourselves or others.

I told him, "I believe that the Gods judge you not by whether you call yourself a Witch, but by what's in your heart". I couldn't help but think how much anguish I would have been spared had someone said these words to me when I was trying to make my own choices.

And although I'm personally skeptical, I threw in the good ole' "Threefold Law". Somehow, I think his great, great, grandma would have wanted me to!

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Hold On To Your Broomsticks...

2010-09-23T11:23:00.009-04:00

Blessed Equniox Family and Friends!

What I am about to tell you may shock you. Then again, for those of you who actually know me...probably not.

In light of the recent "Dabble-Gate" scandal caused by Delaware Senate Candidate Christine O'Donnell's confession that she had once practiced...well, something (she claims it was Witchcraft...but, some of us would beg to differ), I felt compelled to share a few of my thoughts of my own about acceptance.

Many Wiccans have come forward to to defend the reputation of our religion. What has offended so many is not that Christine O'Donnell claimed to practice Witchcraft. That in and of itself would nary cause a stir amongst our community. No, what I believe really has many Witches/Wiccans flying off the broom handle, so to speak, is that during her brief stint as a Witch, Ms. O'Donnell claims she inadvertently picnicked on a blood tainted Satanic altar, thus linking Witchcraft to Satanism.

For years, Wiccans have been trying to distance themselves from any association with the practice of Satanism. The notion that Witchcraft and Satanism go hand in hand is a misconception shared by many. You will most likely hear what Wicca is not, long before you hear what it actually is. "Wicca is not Satanism". "Wiccans do not believe in the existence of Satan". "Satan is a Christian construct." And my personal favorite, "to give evil a name lends it power". And I know, I've assured many concerned folks of these very things myself.

With all due respect however, aren't we being just a tad hypocritical. Is it just me or doesn't this smack of the same intolerance that we've been striving to overcome for these years? It seems to me that what we are in effect doing, is making it glaringly obvious that we are intolerant of someone else's beliefs, to the point that we are going through hell (pun intended) and high water to clarify that WE are not THEM!

No, we're not Satanists. But we're also not Buddhists. I mean, think about it. Do you hear us so vehemently defending our comparison to any other religion? Many of us have found our way to Wicca after being raised in a more mainstream religious background, yet if someone were to suggest that we were practicing Christianity or Judaism, it would hardly be worth mentioning. Yet, compare a Wiccan to a Satanist and all hell breaks lose...literally!

Now, I would be the last person you would hear say, "Oh, those poor misunderstood Satanists" or that Satanism has just gotten a bad rap. Satanism has gotten it's reputation because many people are repelled by their principals, practices and ya know, the whole association with Satan thing. The fact that Satanists don't actually worship Satan makes little difference. Satanists recognize themselves as Deity and hold only their own life perspectives as holy. It is a religion based solely on the "Self". They believe in fully living out and indulging in, their innermost lusts and desires.

"Satanism respects and exalts life. Children and animals are the purest expressions of that life force, and as such are held sacred and precious..." ~ religioustolerance.org.

Surprised? I was. I was taught to believe that Satanists sacrificed children and small animals to Satan. Not so much.

Back in the day, when first I began practicing Wicca, I participated in an online Pagan-Christian discussion forum. I remember one of my very first conversations was with a woman who belonged to the the Church of Satan. I recall asking her, with my uppity neophyte attitude, why anyone would want to practice Satanism. I was surprised when, rather than telling me where to put my broomstick, she calmly and politely shared her reasons and suggested a website or two, should I want to a better my understanding of her beliefs. After participating for a while, and being bashed by many of the more experienced Pagan practitioners on the Board, it became readily apparent that not only was she one of the more intelligent posters, but also one of the more respectful as well.

I have to admit, I was actually nervous to visit the sites she suggested, but curiosity got the better of me and eventually I did. Can you imagine how surprised I was to learn that I actually agreed with 9 1/2 of the Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth! Shocked yet? See how many you agree with...

http://www.churchofsatan.com/Pages/Eleven.html

There are many religions whose beliefs and practices I can't embrace. I don't enjoy the fact that some of the African Diasporic religions engage in animal sacrifice. I don't agree with the Jehovah's Witness who refuses a life saving blood transfusion for their child because it's against their beliefs. And the Scientologists? What more can I say?

Yet, I don't need to agree with what anyone else chooses to believe. I am secure enough in who I am and in the Path I follow so that I don't feel I have to hold up for comparison the differences between us. All I need to do is accept that the path they've chosen is much different my own.

All this having been said, I've met a few Satanists in my time. Not many, but those I've met, I've actually liked! No, I can't say I agree with with their beliefs and you definitely wouldn't find me attending one of their....umm, picnics, yet I don't feel an overwhelming need to cringe when I hear my religion spoken in the same sentence as theirs.

The Scientologists? Well, I'm still a work in progress...

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Who's Asking the Question?

2010-09-21T08:29:00.037-04:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

So, you may have seen or heard the drama being fueled by Delaware Senate candidate, Christine O'Donnell's admission that she "dabbled" in Witchcraft in High School. If you have heard nothing of the aforementioned, I've included the video for your viewing pleasure.

Now, for those of us who do more than just "dabble", it's blatantly obvious that whatever Christine was doing was not Witchcraft.

"To Know"

That said however, her admission has spawned a barrage of articles, interviews and commentary by everyone who has an opinion on the same, including the Wiccan community. And can you blame them? Quite frankly, our beliefs come under scrutiny so often and we are interviewed so infrequently, that we are often at the mercy of whomever it is willing to speak for us. If someone claiming to be a Witch or Wiccan makes an outlandish statement that portrays us in an unfavorable light, it reflects negatively upon us all.

Yesterday, AOL featured an interview with a young woman claiming to be a Witch, who was raising her son as the same. Personally, I know many people that are raising their children as Pagans, so for me, this was not exactly newsworthy. For the most part, her interview was a positive one, with the exception of her admission that her son was "ritually" conceived. Now, if any newlywed couple were to admit that their child was conceived when they made love on a public beach while on their honeymoon, the most you might hear is, "oh those crazy kids!" If you're a Wiccan however, and mention that your child was conceived during a ritual? Oh. Holy. Fuck! Oh yes, I went there!

"To Dare"

http://www.parentdish.com/2010/09/20/interview-with-a-witch-mom/

Now, if you were to "give it a Google" and search the sexual practices of Wiccans, I'm certain you can find something about sex magick being performed during ritual. However, if this is performed at all, it's usually between a married or partnered couple in a private setting. What is more common is something referred to as the "Great Rite". It's the sacred marriage of the God and Goddess and it's performed symbolically. It involves plunging a sharp, pointy ceremonial knife into a cup of consecrated beverage of choice, most often wine, juice or water. The athame (see sharp, pointy knife) represents the God, the cup, represents the Goddess.

Isaac Bonewit's once said, "Everybody talks about the Great Rite, but no one ever does anything about it." We miss you, Isaac!

"To Will"

Christine O'Donnell went on to explain her babbling....I mean, dabbling:

"I was in high school, how many of you didn't hang out with questionable folks in high school? But no, there's been no witchcraft since," she said, shrugging off her dalliances with the dark arts.

"Now let’s put that to rest and move on to what we’re going to do," she said.

I was raised Catholic. Given all the accusations of child molestation and cover ups surrounding the Catholic Church, one might say that I hung out with questionable folks too! Talk about dalliances with the dark arts! But....I digress.

Can we really blame Christine O'Donnell? Actually, perhaps we should be thanking her. You see, there are about 3 million of us in the United States that practice Wicca, who don't consider ourselves "questionable folks" and now, we have the opportunity to engage in a little education. We have careers, own homes, support our families and are active, productive members of society and of our communities. No, we don't engage in blood sacrifices. No cannibalism. No Satanism. And while I can't obviously speak for all Wiccans, no ritual child conception. If we were, in fact, "questionable folks", I suspect we would be interrogated, I mean, interviewed, a lot more often.

No, in fact, you really don't hear much about us at all. Unless of course someone opens their mouth and puts their foot in it. In this case, I believe both the Witch and Ms. O'Donnell are on equal "footing".

"To Keep Silent"

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Only the Finest!

2010-09-19T01:14:00.007-04:00

Merry Meet and Autumn Blessings Family and Friends!

This is the time of introspection. A time to venture inside ourselves to see where we've been, what we've done and where we are going. And so, I shall.

I find myself looking back over the past ten years and can't believe how much I, my life and relationships have changed. I'm not talking about the usual kind of changes that occur in all of our lives, but those, "nothing will ever be the same" kind of changes that have us completely rethinking what we had envisioned our future would be like.

Some of these changes have been so mind-numbingly painful that I wondered if I could ever adjust to this new way of "being". Nor did I want to. Ahhhh, but life doesn't oft give us that option, does it? We are offered little in the way of choices. We either rally in the face of adversity or crumble under the weight. For me, the latter was not an option. There were others depending upon my weaving a new life from the tattered strands that were left dangling. Not only for them however, but for myself as well. I found tremendous comfort in the love and support of those whose souls, near and far, that had become a part of my own living tapestry.

Fast forward....really, really fast. What have I done? Where have I been. How well have I adjusted? In some ways, better than I ever dreamed possible. In others...well, isn't there always a hand pulling on those loose strands, just to keep things....interesting?

Yet, I have been blessed! Ten years ago, I would have thought myself truly mad to make such a statement. Yet, it's as if I've glimpsed into a mirror and there, beyond my own reflection, I see the souls of those who's lives have since become a are part of my own. A new and beautiful tapestry has emerged from strands once broken and has been woven into an exquisite cloak surrounding me!

My life is different. Profoundly so. Both figuratively and literally! And yet, if someone would have told me how much my life was yet to change, I would have thought them truly mad! Most, if not all, of those changes have been indeed positive. In many ways, I am living the life I dreamed of as a child, despite being taught that "real" Witches didn't exist. I have discovered hidden interests and gifts that in this fifth decade of life, have only recently decided to emerge. I have seen relationships end that I believed had stood the test of time, while those with the most tumultuous beginnings have taken root to become strong and loving branches in our Tree of Life. I find myself pulling my new tapestry in more closely now, as I bid farewell to those people and things that no longer serve our greater good. I have realized that there is Divine guidance at work in my life, in the knowledge, patience and inspiration of my teachers, in my practice and yes, even in those, "suck beyond all definition of the word" moments that were the most difficult colors to weave into the new fabric of my existence.

The Autumn Equinox is upon us. And again, I find myself dancing on the threshold of change, in both the growing darkness and light yet to come. I look forward with a mixture of breathless anticipation and sweaty palmed trepidation. I am already beginning to see the signs of wear beginning in the old tapestry. Some will require and be worth repairing, while other will unravel completely with new colors taking their place. I must accept that my new "Cloak of Life" may not look exactly like the old, but will still have been woven with the finest of threads!

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Fate, Henry and the Enchanted Rabbit

2010-09-17T09:39:00.006-04:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

So, yesterday morning, I had planned to get to work early. I was pretty well on my way too. I'd gotten up early, got everyone fed and was out the door on time. I was feeling pretty productive!

I work about a mile and a half from my house, so giving myself 15 minutes to get to work is usually plenty of time. As I stepped outside however, I was met by a glorious Fall morning! I made it all the way to my car door, before taking out my cell phone, calling my coworker and telling her I was going to be late. I started walking.

I remembered thinking that there must be some reason why I made the decision I had, but couldn't imagine what it might be. Then I met...

The Rabbit. As I made my way down one of the more busier streets along my walking route, I spotted something small and furry moving along the sidewalk. At first, I thought it was a chipmunk and expected it to scurry away when I approached. As I got closer however, I came face to face, literally, with a tiny baby rabbit. He perked his little ears as I approached, hopped right over and looked up at me. He was breathtakingly cute! "Hi, baby!", I said, as I watch him nibbling the grass along the sidewalk. As I stood there, completely smitten with his cuteness, I realized however, that he was a mere foot or so away from the road and suddenly, my "maternal instinct" kicked in. "C'mon, Rab", I said and scooped him up in my hands. He was so soft, tiny and helpless. I was amazed that he didn't struggle to free himself as I carried him to the house farthest from the street. I deposited him carefully on the lawn. I turned back once more, just to make sure he was safe, when I found that....he was hopping after me! My first thought was, "rabbits imprint on the first person they come in contact with like baby ducks do?" Great! Now what do I do? I couldn't very well take him with me to work, could I? Could I? I must confess....I considered keeping him! I envisioned walking back home, finding a nice safe, comfy cage and.....

Wait, what was I thinking?! This is a wild rabbit! I couldn't keep him!!! Ray would kill me! Still....I found myself powerless against his cuteness! I was seriously enchanted. NO! I'm not his Mother and I am not keeping him!!! So, I picked him up a second time, but this time...he screamed! Really. Loud!! You would have thought I was killing him! "You can't come! I'm already late for work!!" Yes, I had this conversation, in public, with a rabbit! I carried him, once again, up my neighbor's walkway and tucked him safely behind a bush. Then I hurried down the steps as fast as I could, looking back only long enough to make sure he wasn't following me!

Good deed for the day. Check! Still, now I was going to be even later than I expected. I had to really rush if I was going to make it to work by at least, 9:30.

I hurried along, still thinking about my cute baby rabbit, when I saw two things that really disturbed me. Firstly, I saw the truck belonging to the Handy Man service that, if you'd read my last entry, you know I'm not a fan of and then I saw...The Dog! "It's going to be one of those days, is it?", I thought.

He looked like a miniature German Shepherd, sans owner. As I approached, I said, "Are you by yourself?" He looked at me, tentatively approached, smelled my hand, growled menacingly and ran from me. I scanned the neighborhood, hoping his owner was nearby, but there wasn't a soul around. He began running. Into the street! A car was coming, but luckily was traveling slow enough to stop when he ran in front of their car. Oh no...I couldn't watch!

"Come here", I yelled to the dog. And he did! "Sit", I told him. And, he did that too. Should I try for "Stay?" Three times the charm! I could see he had two identification tags on his collar, but he wouldn't let me close enough to read them. At that point, I didn't want to leave him alone, but I had to get to work! Dammit!

I decided the only option would be to call the Ridgewood Police from my cell phone and have them see if they could find his owner. I was assured that Animal Control would be there shortly, but the dispatcher told me I would need to stay there with the dog. I looked at the time on my phone. Yeah...I was going to be really late.

As I hung up and looked back at my little friend, I wondered what would happen when Animal Control arrived. How would they catch him? Would they use one of those steel poles with the slip collar? He was going to be so frightened! And then what? Would he be taken to the Animal Shelter if they couldn't contact his owner? I thought about pets that were accidentally euthanized after being brought to the shelter. "Ok", I thought....this is the part where I get bitten.

I placed my purse on the ground and plopped down next to it. The dog was about a foot or two away. I began talking softly to him.....repeatedly assuring him that he was a "good boy" and hoping I was right! He eyed me, suspiciously. Note to self: Carry dog biscuits on person at all times. Then I said, "Come here". And he did! He crawled over on his belly lay next to me. At that point, I was finally able to read his collar! His name, I learned was "Henry". I leaned in a little closer, hoping he wouldn't bite my face off and was able to read the address on the collar. I realized the number was only one house away from where we sat!!! Then to my profound dismay, I realized it was the same house with the Handy Man's truck in front of it!

"Oh Henry", I said. "You can't be serious! I got to my feet and called to the dog. "C'mon Henry....I'm taking you home!" He followed me obediently, looking up at me for direction as he walked beside me. As we got to the front door and I rang the bell, I looked down at Henry who was staring up at me expectantly. "I can't believe I'm doing this, Henry! You owe me!" Just then, a woman answered the door. "Hi", she said, questioningly. I looked down at Henry. "Hi", I returned. "I believe this belongs to you?". I explained that I'd found him running around the street and that I had called Animal Control before I'd found her house. She explained that he wasn't really hers. She was "babysitting" for a relative. He must have to gotten out of the backyard. I told her he was a really good boy! She was very pleasant and extremely grateful for Henry's return.

Second Good Deed of the Day. Check!

As I left Henry safe and sound with his "sitter", I walked down the steps, digging around in my pocket for my IPod. Again, a time check revealed that my ETA had well passed. I questioned my decision to walk, about all that had happened thus far and wondered if perhaps fate had been at play. As I pushed the ear buds into my ears, I realized that my IPod had been playing the entire time. The song that was playing....

"What Goes Around, Comes Around" ~ Justin Timberlake

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Pleased To Make Your Connection!

2010-09-11T08:42:00.010-04:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

So, if you've read my last entry you know that we had a new stove delivered. This writing however, is not about appliances, but about people.

My phone rang early last Friday afternoon. It was the delivery man calling to tell me that he would be arriving sooner rather than later with my delivery. He had a fairly heavy accent which I found difficult to interpret over the phone. About 10 minutes later, I saw the delivery truck pull up and I opened the door to a very pleasant gentleman in his mid 40's, who had a lovely Russian accent.

It wasn't his accent however, but his first words that struck me. "I'm not a bad guy, am I?". This rather odd introduction took me by surprise and I wasn't sure how to respond. He then asked if I'd mind locking up my dogs. Despite my reassurance that they were friendly, he politely insisted. Then he showed me the scar on his forearm that he received from another customer's "friendly" dog. I agreed, albeit reluctantly.

You see, whenever I receive a delivery, have our gas meter read, or otherwise open the door to a stranger when I'm home alone, I find comfort in the fact that there's usually a large dog or two in close proximity. This gentleman's initial question, "I'm not a bad guy?", did very little to put my mind at ease.

As we chatted and I expressed my concerns about how we might get the new stove through the narrow doorway, he stopped and said, "You know, you're a very nice lady'. Again, I felt uneasy. Not threatened..just uncomfortable. I glanced at the clock to see how soon it would be before my husband would be home. A little later he went on to say, "You know, the last customer made me feel as if he were buying ME instead of the merchandise!" Ahhh..now I understood! The comments that I found so strange, were actually his way of expressing his feelings of being treated disrespectfully by another customer. It wasn't anger I heard in his voice, but something else. It was sadness. I felt horrible! Horrible that he had been treated badly and horrible for my own reaction to his words, that were obviously spoken in kindness, rather than with any sinister intent. I did understand. A few weeks earlier, I experienced something quite similar and no less unpleasant.

We had a few projects that needed to be done at home and I called on a local "Handy Man" service to give us an estimate for the work to be done. My intention was to give the job to someone here in the Village, rather than an out-of-town service. Well, when the idiot...(oooops, outside voice), man came by to give me the estimate, he was rude, dismissive and behaved as if he were doing me a favor by hiring him. He chatted on his cell phone, ignored me as I pointed out the various projects, and finally interrupted me while I was speaking to ask, with smug arrogance, "Where did you get our name from again?". Needless to say, the work went elsewhere. Thanks, but I don't really need another, "Man Around The House".

Both these experiences however, were not without merit. They helped me better understand an incident that occurred some 15 years before, but that has bothered me ever since.

We had hired a moving company to move us into our current home. We had used them in the past because they had always been professional and reliable. However, on this particular day, they sent over a man who presumably had been treated badly by previous customers. Either that or he was a few moving trucks short of at fleet. In any case, he decided that this day would be the day that he would vent his frustrations...on me!

As he oversaw the men that were bringing in our belongings, I couldn't help but overhear his conversation. "I know these people", he said. "They're rich and nasty. They don't know what it's like to really work". He purposely spoke loud enough for me to hear his comments. "And her? She's a nothing but a rich bitch!" Oh no he didn't!! Surely, he wasn't referring to me??? His co-workers appeared visibly embarrassed by his behavior.

"Who is this guy?", I wondered. I was certain I had never laid eyes on him before today! His commentary went on for the remainder of the afternoon. He had a multitude of complaints and made rude comments whenever I was in earshot. My husband was at work during the move, so I was at home alone. Despite fact that he had other men working along side him, I felt vulnerable. He was bitter. His anger..palpable.

Rich? He would have probably been shocked to learn how wrong he actually was. We'd spent most of our savings buying our home and when all was said and done, we had just about enough money to pay the movers! As far as my being a "bitch" well, in this case, he was close. After he'd left, I locked the door and called his supervisor to ask how well they screened their employees for mental disorders. Then I wrote a letter to the owner of the company detailing what took place and why we wouldn't be using them again in the future.

Yesterday, I judged a man who was merely complimenting me for treating him well and I did so, as a result of fear. The handy man and the mover? Well, perhaps the handy man had heard my name around town or read something that had been written about me. Trust me. You can't be a Witch in this town without someone having an opinion and it's not always good. Still, I was a potential client and a future referral source. Yet, his ill-mannered disposition lost my business. The mover? Well, perhaps he did have some psychiatric issues or perhaps he was just tired of people treating him as if he was a piece of furniture.

Think about how long it takes to get to know, I mean really know someone. Yet we judge and are judged by others all the time. Often at first glance. Is it an inherent flaw of humankind? We judge based on social class, religion, weight, race, and at times, solely on the opinions of others.

What we are missing? What is it that we fail to see when we are looking at the shortcomings in others. Are we afraid that we see too much of ourselves in some or perhaps not enough of ourselves in others? What I believe we are really missing is the "interconnectedness" that exists between us all. When our lives cross paths, the judgements made in those initial moments can can impact us in greater ways than we can ever imagine.

The Witch, the Delivery man, the Mover and the Handy Man. Before those fateful days, none of us had ever met, nor may we ever meet again. And yet, how we reacted during those brief, chance encounters may have altered the course of our lives forever. Did the Delivery man learn to feel appreciated for his work? Did the Mover lose his job? The Handy Man, most definitely lost a client.

Fear may lead us to misjudge, but there is no excuse for ignorance.

"Judge not, lest ye be judged".

In Darkness, light!

Tracy

.

And A Little Pinch of Buddhism!

2010-09-10T09:18:00.006-04:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

So, I'm discovering that some of my most successful magick comes about when I'm not thinking about magick at all. Seems strange, doesn't it? Allow me to explain.

We remodeled our kitchen several years ago. New appliances, counter tops, tile flooring...you know, the works. I noticed in the last month or so however, that the enamel was beginning to peel off our stove. Very odd, I thought. The stove isn't really that old and it's obviously made to withstand heat, so I couldn't imagine why this would happen. I casually hinted to my husband, "I think we need a new stove." To which I received the classic "husband" response, "No we don't! The stove works fine! Just because it's peeling, doesn't mean we need a new stove". Hmmph! Is that so!

Well, I couldn't really argue with the fact that it was working fine. Yet every time I looked at it, sitting there....peeling, it irritated me! And each time I would repeat to no one in particular, "we need a new stove". You know, in a distracted, pissed off kind of way.

So, a week or so of this "stove mantra" goes by and one evening after work my husband nonchalantly mentions, "I don't think the stove is working". Oh really??? "Do tell!?" "Yeah", he said, "it's taken about an hour to preheat to 400 degrees". Now, If you listened really closely, you might have heard my heart breaking....but, probably not!

I must confess that I owe a debt of gratitude to my stove! Firstly, because it served me well all these years (no pun intended) and secondly, because I believe it taught me a little about the Buddhist philosophy of "detachment!" You see, in wishing an untimely demise upon my poor stove, I had absolutely no real heartfelt attachment to it, so I wasn't wasting or distracting energy from the outcome by overly focusing on it.

This, I believe, is one of the most difficult things to master when it comes to the practice of magick! It's not that I didn't care about my stove, I just didn't care enough to form any strong emotional attachment to it either way. I know, what you're thinking. "Who forms an emotional attachment to their stove?". Hey, ya never know! Seriously...Google "Stove Fetish". The World's a twisted place!

Think about it though. We have our purpose, intention and the will that drives us to manifest what we need or want. But, all this comes with a heartfelt desire and that is by far the most difficult thing to detach from when we focus on an outcome! We obviously want our magick to be successful. And as hard as we try not to be emotionally attached to the outcome, there's going to be that little voice in our head hoping that we get what we want. If we didn't give a rat's ass, we wouldn't be doing the work in the first place, now would we?

So, here I sit waiting for my new stove is being delivered. And my new goal? To learn and practice, as much as I can, the art of "detachment". Today, I'll also be playing the New Jersey Lottery, and do my best not to give a rat's ass if I wake up a millionaire! So Mote It Be!!

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Sushi....For the Good of All!

2010-08-26T20:39:00.004-04:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

So, I practice Magick most often when someone else is in need rather than for myself. Surprising? My regular practice consists mainly of daily devotions to my Patroness, Hecate, the Elemental Guardians and in honoring my Ancestors and Spirit Guides. This seems to make a World of difference in terms of the success of my own magical endeavors.

For the most part, I would rather work in the mundane and save the real energy for those situations in which my Magick would be most effective. The problem, I find, lies in the accumulation of energy behind the Magick when I finally let it fly...so to speak.

We have friends that own a Sushi restaurant here in Ridgewood. The owner, Andy is from Tokyo, is classically trained and his expertise is unquestionable. When we moved here almost 16 years ago, there was only one sushi restaurant and now, we are inundated! If it were not for the fact that my husband and I have become "sushi snobs", we would probably have never discovered this gem in the heart of all the other sushi restaurants here! Toro Sushi stands out because it's quality and authenticity. My motto is, "you can never be too good when it comes to sushi". It is, after all, raw fish!

All this being said, Ridgewood tends to be a ghost town during the Summer. Many people vacation for months at a time, rather than the average week here or there.

Tonight, when we visited our favorite sushi restaurant, the owner, Andy was sitting outside and place was empty! Our waiter, Mike, told us it had been like this all week! "Oh no", I thought. This would never do! We ordered our dinner and as we waited to be served, I began doing an incantation to bring in more patrons. Given how well it works for finding parking, I thought it could work equally as well for sushi! I had to be realistic however. Given the low volume of residents in the Village at this time of year, I knew I had my work cut out for me!

A few minutes later however, people began arriving....and arriving...and ARRIVING! It was only then I realized that Andy was by himself and was now swamped with sushi orders! Oooopsies! I felt a little guilty, so I called our waiter over and asked him to feel free to delay our dinner while Andy caught up with everyone else's order!

Dinner, as always, was awesome! And while I felt the overwhelming need to apologize, the look on Andy's face made it clear that it wasn't necessary!

Gotta love a little Magick!

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Paganism becoming more mainstream, experts say - AnnArbor.com

2010-08-26T09:17:00.001-04:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

Despite it being wishful thinking for some, it appears that Paganism isn't going anywhere~

Click the title to read further. (I knew you knew that...just sayin')

Paganism becoming more mainstream, experts say - AnnArbor.com

"The Most Famous Person You've Never Heard Of"

2010-08-12T13:14:00.007-04:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends,

Yesterday, Philip Emmons Isaac Bonewits, lost his battle with a very rare form of cancer.

I listened to the sound of the rain falling outside my window. A brief shower the meteorologist reported, that would end later that morning. It seemed only fitting that it would rain steadily throughout the day. I watched the candle flickering on my altar. A light to guide his soul on it's journey to the Summerland.

The first time I'd met Isaac was 3 years ago during our New Year's Eve celebration. Friends of ours were planning to announce their engagement and being friends of Isaac and Phaedra's as well, asked if they might invite them to join us.

Wait, allow me to ponder the question. Would Isaac Bonewits, author of some of my favorite books on the study of Wicca, Witchcraft and Magick and one of the most influential people in the neopagan community be welcome to celebrate New Year's Eve at our home? Seriously? Give me a moment to think this over. Ok, moments up!

To say I was a little nervous about meeting Isaac Bonewits would have been an understatement. Yet when he called me that afternoon for directions to our house, it was as comfortable as chatting with an old friend. I, on the other hand, was certain that I babbled something incoherent that didn't even resemble directions. After I'd hung up, I couldn't even remember what I'd said, but I was sure that Isaac would be lost somewhere in Ridgewood trying to find my house.

I have never been easily "star struck". My husband and I had chatted with Tony Bennett while having dinner in Manhattan and with Nell Carter in the lobby of a hotel when we were on our honeymoon. But, this wasn't Tony or Nell, it was Isaac Bonewits and I couldn't think of anyone I wanted to meet more!

And yet, there was someone that I was sure would want to meet Isaac just as much as I did. My son, Justin. Justin was just beginning to explore an interest in Paganism and one of the very first books I had given him to read was Bonewit's Essential Guide to Wicca and Witchcraft. While I thought it might be a tad advanced for a beginner, I knew that Isaac's humorous writing style combined with Justin's love of history would be a perfect combination of education and entertainment.

That said, I made the mistake of mentioning to Justin that Isaac and Phaedra might be stopping by that evening. He could barely contain his excitement and haunted me, relentlessly, throughout the day for an estimated time of Isaac's arrival.

Later that evening, as the hour grew late with no sign of Isaac, I knew Justin might be disappointed. I explained that Isaac and Phaedra had important plans and may not make it. They were to be married earlier that day.

The celebration was well under way and we were caught up in the merriment, when I heard the front door open. We have an "open door" policy in our home, so that anyone that's been here before is welcome to just come in. When I didn't hear the doorbell ring, I expected to see the familiar face of a late arriving friend. As I looked up to see who it was, there stood Isaac and Phaedra!

After a few moments of being in his company, I realized that whatever trepidation I had about meeting this wonderful man had completely vanished. He was sweet, shared openly his wisdom, knowledge and infamous wit, as well as anecdotes about his life. His wife, Phaedra, was a gentle soul, whose eyes filled with love when she looked at him.

Suddenly, I realized, I'd completely forgotten about Justin! I called for him to come down from his room. There was someone I thought he'd want to meet. As I introduced my son, Isaac shook his hand and said, "Hi Justin! I'm the most famous person you've probably never heard of!". Oh, but of course, Justin had heard of him!

I'm sure there are those reading who've never heard Isaac's name before today. As I write this, I find myself struggling to put into words just who Isaac was. Yes, he was "North America's leading expert on Witchcraft and the occult". He's was an author. A scholar. A songwriter. A Druid Priest. He was the one and only person who ever received a degree in Magick from an accredited university. He has been one of the most colorful, notoriously witty and influential people in the Pagan community. And all this accurately describes who Isaac was. An yet, it just doesn't seem to say enough about the man who gave so much of his heart and paved the way for us to follow ours.

Isaac Bonewits 1949-2010
Thursday, August 12th, 2010

Philip Emmons Isaac Bonewits, founder and Archdruid Emeritus of of Ár nDraíocht Féin: A Druid Fellowship, one of North America’s leading experts on ancient and modern Druidism, Witchcraft, magic and the occult, and the rapidly growing Earth Religions movement, died today after a short struggle with cancer.

Mr. Bonewits first came into the public eye when he graduated from the University of California at Berkeley with a Bachelor of Arts in Magic and Thaumaturgy (1970). During his tenure there, Mr. Bonewits worked with many renowned professors including Nobel Prize Laureate Owen Chamberlain. The work he did for that degree became his first book, Real Magic: An Introductory Treatise on the Basic Principles of Yellow Magic (1971).

In 1983, he founded and became the first Archdruid of Ár nDraíocht Féin: A Druid Fellowship (ADF) an international fellowship devoted to creating a public tradition of Neopagan Druidry. In 1995, he retired from a leadership role due to complications from eosinophilia-myalgia syndrome. ADF has grown to become the best-known Neopagan Druid group based in North America. At his death, Mr. Bonewits held the title of ArchDruid Emeritus.

During his forty years as a Neopagan priest, scholar, teacher, bard, and polytheologian, Isaac Bonewits coined much of the vocabulary and articulated many of the issues that have shaped the rapidly growing Neopagan movement in the United States and Canada.

Mr. Bonewits was internationally known as a speaker who educated, enlightened and entertained two generations of modern Goddess worshippers, nature mystics, and followers of other minority belief systems, as well as explained these movements to journalists, law enforcement officers, college students, and academic researchers.

His personal papers will become part of the American Religions Collection at the Library of University of California at Santa Barbara.

One of his most influential contributions was the Advanced Bonewits Cult Danger Evaluation Frame (the “ABCDEF”), developed in 1979 as a response to the Jim Jones People’s Temple tragedy. It has been translated into many languages and used around the world to evaluate how dangerous or harmless an organization might be. It was the first such scale to use theories of mental health and personal growth to judge rather than theological or ideological standards.

His other books include Authentic Thaumaturgy (1979, 1998), The Pagan Man (2005), Bonewits’s Essential Guide to Witchcraft and Wicca (2006), Bonewits’s Essential Guide to Druidism (2006), Neopagan Rites (2007), and Real Energy (2007), which was co-authored with his wife, Phaedra, as well as numerous articles, reviews and essays. As a singer-songwriter, he released two albums, Be Pagan Once Again (1988), and Avalon is Rising (1992).

He is survived by his wife, Phaedra, his son from a previous marriage, Arthur Lipp-Bonewits of Bardonia NY, his mother Jeannette, his brothers Michael and Richard, and sisters Simone Arris and Melissa Banbury.

My Body, my Blood...

2010-08-01T11:59:00.021-04:00

Merry Meet Beautiful Family and Friends!

This is the chant that we'd sung under an amazing starlit sky, before a roaring fire, in the presence of all those beloved people that I call...Clan.

Last weekend, we celebrated the Sabbat of Lammas. Lammas is the first of three harvest festivals on the Wiccan/Pagan Wheel of the Year. It represents a time of reflection and sacrifice, of reaping what has been sown and of thanks for that which will sustain us during the darker months ahead. Technically, for us, Lammas heralds the beginning of Autumn.

This ritual was especially poignant for me in that it was the first in which I circled with my daughter, Kyla. Of my two children, Kyla has shown the least interest in Paganism.

My daughter was baptized Catholic. Her christening broke tradition in that it didn't take place in a church, but was instead performed in our backyard on a beautiful Summer's day. While neither my husband nor I were active in the Catholic church, we agreed to christen our daughter more to appease her grandparents, rather than because of any deep connection to Catholicism. To consider doing otherwise would have simply been ungodly! Some believe that should a child die prior to baptism, their soul would remain in limbo for all eternity. Charming sentiment, isn't it?

As a kid, I could remember going through the motions of communion and confirmation. But communing with whom and confirming what? I had absolutely no idea! It was horribly stressful! Neither of my parents were very religious and I never truly embraced Christianity. The only reason I was doing any of it was because it was more (or less) a rite of passage for a loosely defined Christian growing up in our house. I however, felt as if I was an outsider looking in on something I had no significant connection to.

At an age much younger than Kyla's 14 years, I would have gladly sold the house right out from under my family to have been invited to participate in a REAL Wiccan ritual! I was completely and utterly enthralled with anything to do with Witches or Witchcraft. Little has changed since then, with the exception that I wouldn't sell the house out from under my family. I don't have to. Now the rituals are held here!

All this being said, you can imagine how thrilled I was when I casually asked Kyla if she wanted to participate in our Lammas Rite and instead of declining, she asked to borrow a robe! I could have sworn I heard the Elementals singing!

There were other kids her age who were participating as well, that having been raised Pagan, are very well versed in ritual etiquette. I worried that Kyla might feel awkward or out of place having never been this involved before. Again, she impressed me with a better understanding of the history and symbolism behind the Sabbat than I expected!

I have to face the undeniable truth however. Kyla may very well have participated in our ritual in hopes that she would attain honorary Wiccan status, thereby entitling her to celebrate the Wiccan holidays with a day off from school. That remains to be seen. But, Mom's not that kind of Wiccan! I take my beliefs very seriously and one ritual does not a Witch make!

I will say this much for her. The girl invokes and banishes a mean pentagram! Better than some people I know that have been practicing for years, so I'm definitely hopeful!

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Just A Little Push...

2010-07-23T08:08:00.017-04:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

So, yesterday morning, for reasons still unclear to me, I recalled an incident that happened when I was a child. I guess I was perhaps 5 or 6 years old, give or take a year.

There was a girl my age by the name of Theresa who lived in the house next door to ours. She wasn't my favorite playmate, but her Mom and mine had been friends for years and so we played together often.

On this particular occasion, Theresa and I were playing in her backyard. The yard consisted of a small patch of grass next to a driveway covered by jagged, gravel rocks about the size of quarters. I can't recall what prompted her on that day, but for whatever reason, Theresa pushed me, hard, and I fell backwards onto the sharp stones. The palms of my hands had broken my fall and while I wasn't physically injured, I remember being hurt, emotionally, by her actions.

Sitting on the ground, brushing away tiny pieces of rock and dirt from my sore hands, I looked up at Theresa who was staring down at me with a self-satisfied expression of triumph. Being a timid, non-confrontational child, the thought of defending myself or of retaliation never entered my mind...nor, did it have to. What happened next became one of those inexplicable moments that burned itself into my memory.

As I rose to my feet, brushing off my clothing, I turned toward Theresa. Just as I did, I watched her falling backward onto the ground EXACTLY as I had only moments before, as if pushed by unseen hands. "You, you pushed me!!!", Theresa wailed from the ground below me. "I'm telling my Mommy!". But I didn't! I couldn't! But, how could I explain what just happened and more importantly, who would ever believe something that I couldn't believe myself! At that moment, a voice came from somewhere behind me. It was Theresa's mother. "She did not push you!", her Mom yelled from the window. "God punished you for pushing her!"

God's punishment? Really? Well, perhaps not in the Christian sense of the definition. I do believe, however, that on that day, in that moment in time, I was given a rare gift. Not the gift of karmic retribution for a child's unkind act, but of a glimpse into a World that exists beyond what we recognize as reality and a first knowledge of those that have our backs from beyond the veil.

Over the course of time, I have gratefully been on the receiving end of guidance and/or protection by those who walk between the Worlds. At my request? Perhaps. At others, not so much. It's on those occasions that a little "shove" in the right direction or when necessary to get someone's undivided attention is most welcome.

Possessing all the frailties bestowed upon humankind, I must confess that I have encountered situations in which my anger and frustation have gotten the better of me and I've danced the fine line of magickal ethics. Let's be honest, shall we? As mere mortals, our hearts are often in conflict with our heads. It might take a house falling on us to recognize the difference between what we want to do and what we should do. Thankfully, those instances have been few and far between, but hey, at least I admit it! In working with Hecate, or more aptly, in my devotion to her, I have seen lessons that bore her mark that were perhaps more harsh than anything I might have conjured up, but that were perfectly succinct, leaving no question as to their teacher!

I've since learned that it's not always necessary for me to push back quite as hard as I'd like to. I am comforted by the knowledge that there are those that walk beside me that are willing to do the pushing when I'm vulnerable and just need a little time to brush myself off!

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Even God Makes Mistakes...

2010-07-09T08:30:00.011-04:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

I consider myself a Steward of the Earth. As "new agey" as that may sound, it is by far, the most accurate description. So when events such as the gulf oil spill take place, and I see the carnage left in it's path, it leaves me feeling helpless and frustrated. But, not hopeless. Never hopeless. I believe that the Earth will take care of it's own and while there may be casualties along the way, the balance will be restored. Cause' the Mother's awesome like that!

And while I may be able to do little on my own to contribute to the clean up efforts, I continue to do what I can within my own sacred space.

We are in the midst of a brutal heat wave here in New Jersey. Temperatures have topped 100 degrees, with nothing more than a few sprinkles of rain for weeks. Our town is under water restrictions which I'm finding much more painful to accept and comply with when I look upon the herbs and plantings, that I have so loving cared for, withering in the unrelenting heat.

I stepped outside a few days ago and the humidity enveloped me like a shroud. The sky was perfectly cloudless without even a hint of breeze. I noticed a Robin attempting to drink from our pond and as I watched, it fell over. I ran to see if I could help and found it huddled under the shade of a bush, shielding itself from the brutality of the Sun's rays. I thought it might fly off when I approached, but it remained still, beak open, it's breathing labored. I quickly fetched my watering can and filled it with cool water. I gently poured tiny drops into it's mouth and over it's wings. As I did, it tilted his little head back to drink. I was relieved. When I returned later, it was gone. When I turned to go back into the house, I noticed it lying at my feet, eyes open wide. It had died. I was heartbroken. Nature can be so cruel, or so they say. Who are "they" anyway?

My husband would say, that I'm interfering with life's natural order. And perhaps, that's true. But, how does one know when to let nature take it's course or to give our best efforts to sustain it?

We humans become ill every day. At times, through no fault of our own, at others, by assaulting our bodies with our own personal gulf oil spills. And yet, when we develop diseases that threaten the preciousness of life, we pump it with toxins and resort to extreme measures to sustain it's quality, even long after that possibility no longer exists.

Is this not interfering with life's natural cycle? And why is life's importance determined by the order of species? What makes some species less worthy of life than others?

Humankind. The greatest creation of the Gods or a wonderment of evolution? Perhaps a little of both? So long it's been debated. I've yet to decide, nor am I certain that it really matters. In order of species, we are Masters of all we survey. I bear witness to the miracles of modern medicine and technology every day. And yet, yet...we have been the single most destructive force to the planet that continues to sustain us, despite the aggressiveness of our malignancy.

Perhaps my efforts are, as my husband suggests, tampering with with life's "natural order". Perhaps allowing nature to take its course is what, in the big picture of things, I'm supposed to do.

Me? I'm going to continue screw with nature! I will water my herbs when the Mother sees fit to withhold rain. I will feed birds and animals in my sacred space when she blankets the ground with snow. I will continue to aid all those sentient beings that allow me the honor of living amongst them, in the place that was "home" to them long before we decided it was "ours". For me it's more than a labor of love.

I consider it penance for being one of God's greatest mistakes.

In Darkness, Light,

Tracy

Crazy Little Thing Called Love!

2010-07-05T08:26:00.006-04:00

Literally!

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

So, I've encountered one of the stranger and dare I say, darker aspects of social networking. Oh, it was bound to happen. As much as I have enjoyed reconnecting with childhood friends, there are really good reasons why some people don't stay in touch for 30 years!

In this year past, I've reconnected with a couple of male acquaintances from High School. One out of sheer curiosity, (it was rumored that he was....ummmm, deceased) the other, because I truly wanted to believe that with age comes wisdom, and to that end, offer the benefit of the doubt.

You would think I would know better by now! Oh, I still believe that wisdom comes with age for most people. For others, insanity gets there a lot quicker than wisdom could ever hope to!

The first, was a guy I dated for about a week and a half during my freshman year in High School. I had been forewarned that he was "strange", but decided that I shouldn't judge his character based on sheer rumor. Suicide attempts, drug overdoses, strange obsessions with male teachers finally led me to the conclusion that the doubt definitely outweighed the benefit!

In the first 15 minutes of reconnecting with him, he sent me a Facebook "gift" with a little note that read, "I send you a yellow rose of friendship, because alas, you are betrothed to another". Yes, lovely, I admit, but considering the brevity of our High School relationship and the fact that we hadn't kept in touch for 30 years, it seemed rather odd. I learned that he had been married and had a child. He sent me a photo of his wife, that I suspect was not really his wife at all. He further told me that he was a sanguine Vampire, who only slept during daylight hours. For those unfamiliar, a "sanguine" Vampire derives energy from feeding on human or animal blood, as opposed to a "psychic" Vampire who feeds off human energy. This, I found this all quite befitting of what I already knew of his personality. "It's all good", I thought. Seriously! I'm a Witch. Who am I to judge!

In the weeks that followed however, his behavior began taking on a decidedly possessive turn. He became agitated by the fact that I wasn't commenting on every status update or spending my entire time online chatting with him. His frustration was obvious in the increasingly antagonistic comments made to my posts. Finally, when he sent me an email asking why we weren't chatting regularly, I explained that I really didn't spend a lot of time chatting with anyone. That's what "Status Updates" were for. He became irate, demanding to know why I "sought him out, only to ignore him". He suggested that if I weren't going to chat with him or anyone else, I should cancel my account. I "clarified', in retrospect, perhaps a little too harshly, that it wasn't I who "sought him out" and that it was unrealistic to assume that I would spend every moment I was logged on chatting solely with him. "Remove" and "Block". He later confided in a mutual friend that he had been in love with me since High School. Who knew!? I thought he was gay!

The second, was someone that I knew quite well in High School and beyond. I had ended the friendship several years ago when I realized that he was hypocritical, judgemental and if you disagreed with his perspective, at times, menacing. When a "friend request" arrived from him recently, I hesitated for a few days before accepting. In retrospect, waiting a few more weeks would have saved me the trouble of hitting the "block" option.

You see, this man had been courting a twisted, 30 year long obsession with his High School sweetheart. She and I had been best friends back in the day and it was I who had introduced them. They established a long term relationship that began the Summer before High School and that ended shortly after senior year with a broken engagement. And although it was his choice to break the engagement, he continued to blame her for it's ending and for his past 30 years of romantic failures.

Upon accepting his friend request, he shared with me that he wanted to make amends to those people that he'd hurt in the past. He also shared that he was seriously ill, a fact that he only wanted to a few people, myself included, to know. In the first 15 minutes, he mentioned his High School sweetheart three times. He made it abundantly clear however, that she was not one of those people he wanted to share the news of his illness. It was perfectly obvious however, that his reason for contacting me had absolutely nothing to do with making amends, but was intended to fish for information about her. A few days later, not only did I learn he'd contacted her, but was attempting to use his illness as a means of it rekindling their relationship.

She however, had recently remarried, so I knew he was going to be seriously disappointed. When he learned of her marriage, he began sending me rambling messages, referring to she and her new husband by vile names and accusing her ruining his life. Despite my repeated attempts to put things in a clearer perspective for him, the line between truth and fantasy continued to blur. He had absolutely no intention of closing the door on the past and any suggestion of him doing the same angered him. I didn't realize how fatal his attraction actually was until one of his messages described, in detail, his delusions of premeditated murder! I couldn't hit the "Remove" and "Block" functions fast enough, but not before warning him that I had copied his messages to her and that if he contacted either of us again, I would forward them to the authorities in his current State of residence.

My experience with Internet communication has led me to to conclude that one can tell, usually within the first 15 minutes, whether the person with whom you are chatting is crazier than a bag of rats. A diagnosis not found in any text on Abnormal Psychology, but accurate, to say the very least. Of course, I admit, I have also encountered a few exceptions my self imposed "15 minute" theory.

I recently decided that if I have to think twice before "friending" someone on Facebook, that's one time too many.

My status has been updated thus far to read, "Tracy's Facebook Page is now a "Psychopath Free Zone". Of course, there are always exceptions!

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Running with Athames...

2010-06-02T19:11:00.005-04:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

So, few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of participating in a workshop called Protection and Security Magick with Author, Jason Miller. The workshop was based on his first book, "Protection and Reversal Magick".

I had read "Protection and Reversal Magick" when it was first released and I loved it! It wasn't until I reread it in preparation for his workshop that I realized how much this book has influenced me and the way I practice.

I realized that a lot of the subject matter was second nature to me and that it was a wonderful way of validating the way I've been practicing. As far as the topic of the book itself, "Protection and Reversal Magick" is concerned, I remember a time, back in the day, when I didn't feel even remotely vulnerable to magickal attack. I was a novice, practicing as a solitary, and believed that all Witches adhered to the "Threefold Law". For those unfamiliar, the "Threefold Law" states that anything you do, for good or ill, will return to you times three. The "Threefold Law" however, was created to raise the comfort level of the general population and help those with the fear based, "all Witches are Evil" mentality, to sleep better at night.

It wasn't until I began mingling within the Pagan community that I was confronted by "the darker side". No, I'm not referring to "Black Magick". I'm talking about simple human nature. Just your average, run of the mill, egos and eccentricities. I would say that all Witches/Pagans were above such things, but then I'd be lying.

As most of us know, Magick is essentially an emotionally driven practice. Therein lies both the blessing and the curse, so to speak. Think about it. At the heart of every desire is some very powerful emotion. Those emotions however, can also be a source of magickal attack. Jealousy, greed, love, hate, especially when combined with emotional immaturity or psychological instability, are powerful enough on their own to impact negatively on the target of those emotions. And as we are all aware, those emotions are not exclusive to the Pagan population. Anyone can perform magick and many unintentionally do. Unintentional, perhaps, but make no mistake, not ineffective.

I have found that my most serious magickal misfortunes weren't the result of pissed off Witches, but of my own missteps. One of my harshest lessons came the first time I worked with Hekate. Despite having no experience or personal connection to her, I asked, or rather demanded, a monumental favor, without offering anything in return. Thankfully, she took my blatant inexperience into consideration and the effects while unpleasant, were short lived. This is where a little intuition and dare I say, common sense would have been quite useful. Magick requires both.

I must confess, I've also occasionally found it quite easy to become complacent. No one wants to believe that there are people or entities lurking in the shadows waiting to launch a psychic attack. However, believing one has been cursed can be as effective as a curse itself. Jason Miller referred to this as being similar to the "placebo" effect. One need only believe that they are cursed to develop all the signs and symptoms of the same. Dorothy Morrison, in her book "Utterly Wicked", suggests that believing that one is being psychically attacked, can cause the perceived "attack" to take on a life of it's own.

Still, as the saying goes, "just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean people aren't out to get you". Even if you believe you're the most popular Pagan on the Earth, there may come a time when you irritate someone or something by just being you. On those occasions, your best line of defense is a good offense. Personally, I take nothing for granted, nor do I overly concern myself with the possibility of magickal attack. I've learned from experience, at times, the hard way, that shielding properly, honoring one's Deities, as well as knowing and honoring the entities we work with is the best way to avoid psychic misfortune. The manner in which I honor these beings, I leave solely up to my own intuition.

Despite what some might like to believe, it goes without saying that there are serious implications to practicing magick. By it's very nature, you are drawing attention to yourself on both an astral and physical level. Dependent upon who's taking notice, not all will have your best interests at heart. However, if what you call magick consists mainly of something that you read in a book, you are no more practicing magick than if I'd read a book on automotives and then decided to rebuild a carburetor. Yeah, you might be able to find all the parts, but unless you really know enough, all your doing is getting your hands dirty or at worse, the car might blow up. Getting your hands dirty magickally is not necessarily a bad thing. Having things blow up? Not always the best case scenario.

Practicing the esoteric arts without having a good defensive strategy is a lot like running with an Athame. It's just an accident waiting to happen!

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

THE MOST IMPORTANT VIDEO YOU WILL NEED NOW AND EVER PART ONE

2010-05-30T08:37:00.001-04:00

My Knight in the Shining SUV!

2010-05-21T08:21:00.004-04:00

Merry Meet and Happy Morning Family and Friends!

"I'm late, I'm late.....I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!"

Ok, so yesterday I had one of those mornings that, no matter how much good intention went into the planning of my day, the Universe had better things in mind!

Technically, I'm supposed to be at my desk at 9 a.m., so at five minutes before, when I still hadn't dressed, I had to face the reality of the situation...I was going to be shamefully and tragically late!

The day held all the promise of being a spectacular one. Bright sun, warm breezes. I found myself envisioning sitting on my deck with a good book, blissfully communing with the Elements! The thought of being confined to my desk all day was truly blasphemous!

I begrudgingly made my way through my morning ritual, pausing occasionally to listen to the birds singing outside my window...my best intentions thwarted by singing birdies! They are such a terrible influence on me, you know!

Since there was nothing I could do change my obvious state of tardiness, I did the next best thing. I called my office, told them I wouldn't be in for the next half hour and proceeded to walk the mile and a half to work! I was already late, after all!!

As I popped on my IPod and headed out the door, it occurred to me that being "time challenged" may not be such a bad thing. I set out thinking that I would enjoy every moment of my glorious walk in the sun!

A few minutes into my journey, I noticed a woman coming towards me on the same side of the street. I recognized her as a neighbor who visited us often when her children need to sell cookies or gift wrap for the school or church. She usually waves a cheerful greeting as she passes by on her morning walk.

As she approached, I took off my headphones, thinking that I would wish her a "Good Morning". Apparently this was not to be the case. She glanced in my direction, put her head down as if we were strangers and kept walking. Perhaps she didn't recognize me?", I thought. This seemed highly unlikely since we've spoken often enough. It indeed seemed very odd! Could it be that she'd heard "rumors" around the Village about my being, :::gasp::: a Witch! Those Witches! You never know where they'll turn up! I guess I'll have to watch for a future decrease in cookie sales!

As I came up upon one of our busier intersections, I watched as the cars whizzed by without even thinking of stopping. We have a State law here in New Jersey that a driver must stop for a pedestrian in the crosswalk. It seemed unlikely that this would occur before the end of time and my mind wandered back to the encounter with my "neighbor". "So perplexing!", I thought.

It was then I noticed that a handsome man in a silver Lexus SUV had stopped to allow me cross. Unfortunately, the driver's coming from the opposite direction had no intention of doing the same. I watched as they sped by, chatting on their cell phones, completely dismissing the fact that the other driver had stopped for me. I was suddenly startled by the blaring of the SUV's horn! As I turned in the direction of the sound, I realized that the gentleman, my Knight in Shining SUV, was giving the other inconsiderate drivers a none too subtle warning! He had turned the front of his own car into the oncoming lane of traffic, forcing them to stop and allow me to cross!

One of the reasons that I'd been so late on this particular morning was that I'd spent extra time performing my devotional to Hekate. I asked that she reveal to me those mysteries which would provide me with greater wisdom and understanding.

This morning the mysteries of the light and dark side of human nature were revealed. A neighbor became a stranger...a stranger, a Prince!

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Pagan police win the right to take time off for festivals | Mail Online

2010-05-11T07:11:00.000-04:00

Pagan police win the right to take time off for festivals | Mail Online

Exquisite Witness...

2010-05-02T21:04:00.005-04:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends:

This weekend marked a growth spurt, of sorts, for me. Firstly, Friday, April 30th, was my birthday. As I mentioned earlier, I celebrated in a most unusual way. Instead of the traditional cakes and candles, I began my training to become certified as an "End of Life" Doula.

A "Doula" is typically someone who provides emotional support to laboring mothers. An "End of Life" Doula is someone who assists in the emotional and spiritual transition of someone who is approaching the end of their physical life. In essence, I celebrated the beginning of my life learning how to assist the dying in the last moments of theirs.

This wasn't the only milestone I'd reached however. This Sunday morning past, I took my first solo trip to New York City. I know there are people for whom this is a natural occurrence. They travel there for business or pleasure. For them, hopping on a train or bus is merely part of their daily routine. For me however, this was a major accomplishment in my quest towards independence!

On occasions when I do go into the City, I'm usually traveling with my husband, who is more willing to brave the traffic. This Sunday however, he needed to work and I needed to be at my workshop, so I was on my own. I have to say, it was both exhilarating and nerve-wracking all at the same time. With each leg of my journey however, from catching train here at home, to transferring trains at the next stop and finally arriving at New York Penn Station, I felt more empowered!

The course itself however, proved to be much more emotionally challenging than I'd anticipated. We were asked to share the memories of our most significant losses, describing in depth the feelings associated with them. I found myself reliving my sister's death in vivid detail, weeping openly as I shared much of the grief that I believed had long since passed. I soon realized that there were still some wounds that were not well healed.

We were then asked to enter a meditative state and imagine how we would feel if we had just learned that we were facing death. Who would we want to share the news with. What would we want to do before we died? What plans did we want carried out? Were we frightened by the thought of dying? As you might imagine, there was nothing at all fun about this exercise!

I learned that I wasn't afraid of dying. I was more concerned with leaving! Would Ray be able to raise my children alone? How would my death effect them? What about my animals! "Fuck this!", I thought. I'm just not going!" I was then struck with a profound sadness that left me exhausted and feeling that perhaps this might not be right for me. Although I certainly have had enough experience with death and dying, this brought it to a whole new level of personal intensity.

Then we talked about what it meant to be an "exquisite witness". To be truly present in the moment of death. It's not simply being there as a life slips away, but a personal ritual celebrating all the cherished moments that this person lived. It's about helping the patient and family create a "vigil plan" to be carried out in the last moments of life and to bring peaceful closure. It's both exquisitely beautiful, yet heart-wrenchingly sorrowful. Hence the name.

The instructor explained that the "End of Life" Doula program is only a pilot program and not offered everywhere. It is a complimentary service provided by select hospice programs in New York and New Jersey. The course was not inexpensive and I was disappointed that I might be training for something I wouldn't have the opportunity to practice. Then he went on to mention that the hospital that he works for in New Jersey offered a Doula Program.

At that point I raised my hand and asked, "do you mind if I ask what hospital you work for in New Jersey?" He responded, "I work for Valley Health Systems" "Valley Hospital? In Ridgewood, New Jersey? Where I live!" Ahhh, ya just gotta love the synchronicity of life!

A friend of mine wrote me yesterday with these words of encouragement...

"It is a awe-inspiring gift to work as what I call, a "Shadow Walker." However, it comes with it's own balance, sense of timing and does not surprise, since you are the Dark mother's child, you are called to it".

And, while I questioned whether I have the strength to be present when a life ends, it is this strength, this courage born of healing from my own personal experiences that has brought me to this place. I have no doubt it will serve me well. So, when I am called to be a "witness" to this soul's new beginning, I will be honored.

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Lashing Out!

2010-04-28T19:49:00.005-04:00

Merry Meet Once Again, Family and Friends!

Ok, so I have a confession to make.

:::smirking::::

I'm imagining at least one of you breaking a sweat!

Breathe...it's not that kind of confession!

I am prone to bouts of...VANITY!!! There I've said it!!

Ahhh...I feel so much better. I bet you're wondering, "Tracy, what the hell are you talking about?" And I'm going to tell you!

Recently, I had a long overdue appointment with my eye doctor. I finally realized when I actually couldn't see, that it might be time to make an appointment.

At my recent visit with my opthamologist, she asked me if I was having any problems, to which I immediately responded, "other than the fact that I can't see?" Then I casually mentioned the maddening loss of eyelashes I'd been experiencing. Now, we're not talking one or two eyelashes. We're talking enough lashes to leave a quarter inch bald patch on my lash line. I know...I know! Who actually notices, right? Probably no one unless I specifically point it out, but I found it really annoying and especially so when I tried to put on mascara. The opthamologist asked if I had ever been diagnosed with an infection of my eyelids or if I suffered from allergies to make-up? I hadn't experienced either. Then she asked, "Have you considered Latisse?"

Latisse, as some of you may know, is a prescription medication that is specifically for people who have inadequate eyelash growth. The medication has been used for about the last 20 years for the treatment of glaucoma. One of the side effects of the drug however, has been that it causes eyelashes to remain in the growth phase, resulting in really, long friggin' lashes!

"Sure", I told her. I'd seen Brooke Shield's pimping the product on TV, but wasn't it rather expensive? My opthamologist said that the other patients loved it, that it had been marketed long enough so that it's safety was well documented and suggested I give it a try.

I could feel a bout of vanity coming on!

Ok, so I've been using the Latisse for a little over two months. They say that full results are seen after 16 weeks? 16 weeks? That may present a problem.

At this point my lashes, without mascara, are becoming unusually...dare I say, freakily long. With mascara, well...judge for yourselves!

My husband thinks I'm beginning to look like a Llama!

I Love Llamas!!!

Coming next.....Confessions of a Make-up Slut!

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Sacred Union...

2010-04-25T18:40:00.012-04:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

So, this weekend we attended one of my most favorite Sabbat celebrations! Beltane! Simply speaking, Beltane is the time when we celebrate the marriage of the Lord and Lady. Depending on one's geographic location or tradition, Beltane is often celebrated on either April 30th (my birthday, go figure!) or May 1st. I can assure you the earlier date did absolutely nothing to detract from the festivities!

I had picked up a little bug and was uncertain if I would be able to make this year's gathering. After agonizing for the better part of the of the day, I realized that I would have definitely felt a whole lot worse had I missed it!

The ritual was being held at the home of the High Priest and High Priestess who were officiating that evening. Their home is infused with so much loving energy, that one only needs to arrive at their doorstep to realize that they have indeed entered, "sacred space".

After several hours of merry-making which included the Maypole Dance, the sun went down, the Beltane fire was lit and we prepared for ritual. We lay our blankets side by side on the cool grass around the Circle, snuggling against the night's chill, as the flames illuminated the faces of the many friends who have become family. Our High Priest's words described it perfectly..."loving intimacy".

When it was time for the Elements to be summoned, the participants brought their own individuality to the rite. The East was summoned by several children dancing and carrying wands, whose brightly colored ribbons swirled in the breeze. The South, by a young woman who danced while twirling a hoop of flames around her waist, in the North, a sensual belly dance was performed.

It was a young, pregnant woman who summoned the Element of Water however, who's words I found most poignant. She approached each of the celebrants asking us to cleanse our hands by dipping them into a bowl of consecrated water. As she did so, she told a story of her grandfather, who had died only a few days before. She talked about his life, about how happy he had been that he was expecting his first grand-daughter. It's was difficult to listen without tears. She made it clear however, that while she grieved his loss, she wasn't sad. His life had been rich and full. He was 102 years old at the time of his passing.

As she spoke of her grandfather, the night air was suddenly filled with the sound of dogs howling. I remembered reading that dogs often howled to portend a death but also, were considered psychopomps (Spirit Guides) that not only ushered souls into the afterlife, but also the souls of newborns into the World. I felt that surely her grandfather was there with her as she honored him by sharing the story of his life. It was strangely comforting.

For our mother to be, Beltane is a time to look forward to the birth of her daughter. For the God and Goddess, a sacred union that would bestow blessings of abundant new life upon the Earth.

Not only does Beltane signify the date of my own birth, but a birth into a life that is much different than that to which I was born. It's signifies a birth into a family that while different as well, holds just as much love. And, into a Path that allows me to see the World with with the wisdom that comes with age, but with the eyes of a child, never ceasing to find it's beauty and magick.

It was indeed a splendid celebration of loving intimacy and of memories, without tears!

Blessed Beltane!

Tracy

One Love | Playing For Change | Song Around the World

2010-04-24T08:35:00.000-04:00

Lady Liberty League

2010-04-23T08:01:00.000-04:00

Lady Liberty League

Fishing for the Truth....

2010-04-17T15:13:00.006-04:00

Merry Meet and Happy Weekend Family and Friends!

As the parent of two 13 year olds, I have discovered a phenomenon that I wanted to share. I believe it may very well be instrumental in establishing the lines of communication with your children. Now, I must confess, there is no scientific data on which to base this phenomenon, as it is purely experiential.

That being said, I would highly recommend taking your kids out for sushi! Why sushi? I know, not everyone is a fan of raw fish and rice, and there may very well be other foods that work just as well, but from my own experience, there is definitely a substance in sushi that acts as a truth serum for my 13 year olds!

Allow me to explain. As parents, Ray and I feel that it's important to have dinner together as a family every evening, if at all possible. Sadly for many, hectic schedules have made this a thing of the past. On the weekends however, when neither of us wants to cook, we'll often go out for sushi. It's probably one of the only things we will ever all agree on!

About the time the second sushi roll is served, the kids are well into describing events of their day. Kyla will often initiate this with some amusing anecdote involving her friends or something that happened in school. Justin usually sits quietly eating his sushi, testing the waters only after Kyla's revelations have sufficiently shocked us into submission.

We've heard their views on everything from teen pregnancy, bisexuality (apparently in vogue these days), homosexuality and drug use amongst their Middle School peers, to the more mundane topics such as TV, music artists and movies. Apparently, Megan Fox is considered "smokin' hot" amongst both sexes, while Justin Bieber's music causes bouts of nausea in the same. Thus far, I've discovered two very important things about my kids and myself. I actually agree with them about Megan and Justin, but more importantly, they are far more mature and know more stuff than I did at their age! And..now I also know what's been keeping me up at night! That's one more thing than I ever wanted to know!!

Now, I am absolutely THRILLED that my kids have this level of respect and trust in us as parents to have allowed even a glimpse into their Worlds. Still, there was a time, long, long ago, that I actually considered myself...unshockable!

Oh, and might I suggest ordering a drink or two with dinner or perhaps bringing a bottle of your favorite Sake. Believe me, you will definitely be grateful for having taken the edge off by the time dessert has arrived and you might actually, ya know, sleep.

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Tales from the Cryptic...

2010-04-14T19:22:00.009-04:00

Merry Meet Again Family and Friends and LURKERS:

I want to share something that should be nothing more than basic common sense. Apparently for some, however, common sense is much more elusive than for the general population.

This is a PUBLIC blog! Now, I know what some of you are thinking, "Yeah, Tracy, we know! Don't get your panties in a twist!" Of course you do! Blogs usually are, right? Not necessarily. Some blogs are open to only selected readers by the author's choice.

This Blog, however, is most definitely open for public reading and I prefer it that way. My life is a fairly open book and I enjoy sharing my experiences with those who are interested in reading.

For the more intellectually challenged lurker however, discovering that they are actually able to read my Blog, for them translates into discovering details about my personal life that I wouldn't want anyone else to know. Seriously! I shit you not! There are actually people this blatantly ignorant!

Now, I know this may all sound very cryptic, but let it suffice to say that, reading my Blog doesn't offer anyone secret insight into my personal life and if there was something I didn't want to share or felt was inappropriate, the last place you'd find it is a PUBLIC venue.

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Of Memories and Mirrors...

2010-04-13T14:03:00.016-04:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!!

Have you ever recognized yourself in something that has been written? A word, a phrase or perhaps a song? Of course! Haven't we all? Someone describes characteristics and often these will resonate with some aspect of our own personality. It's like a mirror we look into and for better or worse, we see ourselves looking back. It's the reflection of our inner voice...our conscience. The difficult part comes when that reflection is too clear or far too accurate and we are ashamed of, or unhappy with, the person we see.

Our memories are often that way as well. Our pleasant memories about ourselves or others are the easiest mirror to look into. It's those that aren't so pleasant or that are difficult to examine in the harsh light of day, that we tend to push into deepest recesses of our mind. We may reconstruct their accuracy until they bear little resemblance to factual events, but we are simply making them more tolerable for our psyches to deal with.

The other thing about our memories is that, most often, they are a shared experience. So even if we choose to alter the course of their reality, there's often someone that has shared them with us that would be more than happy to refresh our memories. Their escape is....fleeting. As much as we'd like to convince ourselves or others that history can be rewritten, this is nothing more than our own personal delusion. We can grow, learn and change from the mistakes or accomplishments of our past, but they are a part of our akashic record.

And while we may be capable, in our own minds, of redesigning the landscape of the "Memory Lane" of our past, it's merely a detour to avoid the Mirror.

In Darkness, Light,

Tracy

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far from the....Broom?

2010-04-11T15:59:00.004-04:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

So, people have asked why my kids are not being raised Pagan. Believe me, it's not that I wouldn't love to raise them Pagan, but we've always felt that it should be their choice and one that they make after careful consideration. Anyone who walks this Path knows it's not for the faint of heart.

My son has always been an avid reader with a great passion for different cultures, customs and religious beliefs. I thought surely he would follow in my footsteps. I would sometimes refer to him as "my Pagan child", because for a while, he was really interested in learning about Paganism. My daughter Kyla, not so much.

Kyla wasn't exactly thrilled that Mom was a "Witch". She had the same media driven misconceptions that many people do. Despite my best efforts to explain that not all Witches were the same as those she'd read about in books or saw on TV, she was not easily convinced.

When she began spending more time with our Pagan friends, the term "Witch" took on an entirely new meaning. A Witch became someone who was an author or a nurse, someone that did animal rescue, or who was a musician, like her Dad. As she got older, she learned that a Witch could also be a physician, a neurobiologist or a physicist. She met a new group of friends whose parents were raising them Pagan. Still, she didn't participate in any Pagan celebrations and had no interest in practicing herself.

Recently, Kyla has been walking around and every now and then would casually say, "deja vu". Fearing that I would be perceived as the "uncool" parent, it was a while before I got up the nerve to ask what this meant. I assumed it was some new teenage phrase that meant something entirely different than what I thought or perhaps it was a song that I had yet to hear more times than I ever wanted to.

The other day, while she was scrounging for a snack, I heard her say, "deja vu". Finally, I asked, "Kyla, what does that mean, "deja vu?" She turned to me with the exasperated expression of a typical 13 year old, rolled her eyes and said, "Mom, you don't know what 'deja vu" means? Seriously?" To which I replied, "I know what I think it means, what do you think it means?" Again, with attitude, "You know, it's "deja vu" it's like, when you feel as if you did something before". Ok....now, I was intrigued, especially given how often I'd heard her say it! "When does this happen to you?", I asked. She replied casually, "Oh, ya know, a few times....a day." A few times a day?!

It is common belief that psychic and paranormal phenomenon will begin to manifest around the time a child reaches puberty. I recalled having deja vu when I was a child. I know how strange a sensation it can be. Kyla seemed unfazed. I had done some reading on the subject years ago and there were some different theories on the deja vu experience.

It usually occurs between the ages of 15 - 25 years old, it's prevalent in people with epilepsy disorder (Kyla has never had an epileptic event). Many parapsychologists associate it with past life memories. I shared this with Kyla. She wasn't impressed. It was just, and I quote, "a weird thing that happens". Case closed.

Then....she began randomly predicting what songs were about to play on the radio. Ok...the first time, I thought, "Lucky guess!" It was Lady Gaga, you can't really listen to the radio without hearing at least one of her latest hits. But then, it began to happen with such uncanny accuracy and I finally had to admit she was actually doing this! My first reaction, "Holy Crap!!!!" We need to play the lottery!!!!

It's gotten even more interesting. I had been sitting at the computer reading Facebook one morning, when suddenly, something whizzed by me. My hands froze on the keyboard and I yelled to my husband, "Ray!!!! I think I just saw....an orb!" "What's a "norb?, he yelled back. Oh for the love of nerve! "Not a "norb!" An "orb!!!" An "orb!!!' He came into the living room, "An orb? Oh yeah, I saw one last night", he replied matter of factly. Information he didn't see any reason to share, I guess!

Kyla came downstairs upon hearing the conversation and asked, "what did you see?" "An orb", I replied, and went on to explain that an orb was considered to be a form of spirit energy. Then she said, "Ya know, I'm seeing these weird, "shadows" out of the corner of my eye" My initial reaction was one of alarm and I immediately thought I should take her in to see our opthamologist. Then she said, "I think....one was a man. He was wearing a big hat". "You think "one" was a man?" The hair on the back of my neck stood on end!

Last night, I watched a show called, "Psychic Kids, Children of the Paranormal". It's actually a docu-series that deals with the difficulties that kids with paranormal abilities encounter. As I watched, I realized that MANY of the things that Kyla has been experiencing, not just recently, but for years, were unbelievably similar to what these kids were dealing with. I asked her to come and watch with me. She saw the similarities herself and was a little freaked out. "I don't like this", she whined!! I explained that it was a gift and one that she could cultivate and perfect.

"Great", she said. "What am I supposed to do with this gift?" To which I replied, "Be a more powerful Witch than I could ever hope to!"

She was quiet for a minute and then asked, "Does this mean I get to take the Wiccan holidays off from school now?"

:::Sigh:::

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Pansies with a Purpose!

2010-03-21T17:59:00.004-04:00

Merry Meet and Blessed Spring, Family and Friends!

So, today I spent the afternoon planting Pansies. For me, this is nothing new. I plant them every Spring, waiting patiently until they arrive at the garden center. I confess, I am...a Pansiefile. Aside from being cheerful, they are also very economical. Here in New Jersey, the Pansies that I've planted today will continue to bloom until the end of June.

That being said, these are not just your typical Pansies, these are Pansies with a purpose!

Each planting season, I will plant hundreds of flowers until my home is completely surrounded by them, creating a floral sanctuary. What I like to refer to as "My Secret Garden". Every year, after I've worked from sun up until well after sun down, I realize that I should have charged all these flowers with magickal intent so they will manifest in blessings as they grow. Ya know, as any accomplished Witch might consider doing! Every Spring, after the last plant is in the ground and I'm covered head to toe with dirt, I think, "why didn't I cast the spell on the Pansies! Dammit!!

Last night, we celebrated the Spring Equinox with a lovely ritual in which we planted seeds that will manifest our intentions as the Wheel of the Year turns. Perhaps, it was a cosmic bitch slap, but this time, as I planted my own Pansies, I remembered to charge them with magickal purpose and intent!

It was a lovely day. The sun was warm, with a cool Spring breeze. On most occasions, I would toss on my IPod and dance around the yard as I'm working, perhaps sipping a little wine. Not today. Today, I listened quietly to the songs of the Mother (thank you, Arie!).

As I began turning the Earth and pulling last season's decaying roots from the planters, I looked at my freshly manicured fingernails and considered finding my gardening gloves. Then, I thought better of it. I welcomed the sensation of the soft, moist soil in my hands, smelling it's richness. I quieted my mind and listened to the melody of the song birds and watched the sparrows and chickadees flying in and out of the feeder.

As I gently coaxed each plant from their flats, I held them between my palms, close to my heart and filled them with intent. Health, prosperity, protection, stability, happiness, contentment, love, wisdom, knowledge, well-being, for my family, for my friends, for myself and anyone else who might need it. For those that I knew had specific needs, I selected plants that I named solely for them and charged those with blessings of healing, both physical and spiritual.

After a long day of planting, I usually look over what I've accomplished and see beauty. Today, after a long day of planting, I looked over what I'd accomplished and saw love.

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Blessings of Spring!

2010-03-20T08:55:00.005-04:00

May your blessings grow with the returning light!

Toro Sushi Bar II returns to Ridgewood!

2010-03-19T21:05:00.003-04:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

Yes, I am giving a shameless plug to our friends Amy and Andy, former owners of Sakae Japanese Restaurant. Amy and Andy have returned to their home town of Ridgewood, New Jersey and opened Toro Sushi Bar II at 24 Chestnut Street, Ridgewood, N.J. (201) 445-0011.

If you were a fan of the former Sakae Japanese Restaurant and/or like my husband and myself, are confirmed sushi snobs, you will find that Toro Sushi Bar II offers the same exquisite authentic Japanese cuisine as they had in the past!

The food is consistently amazing! We would highly recommended it!

Tracy Frasche
The UnOfficial Witch of Ridgewood

New Jersey State Board of Education approves Pagan/Wiccan holidays for the 2010-2011 school year

2010-03-17T15:39:00.003-04:00

Oh yes they did!

::::Doing the little Pagan Dance O' Joy with reckless abandon!!!!:::::

New Jersey State Board of Education approves Pagan/Wiccan holidays for the 2010-2011 school year

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New Jersey Board of Education has Wiccan/ Pagan holidays on the agenda for meeting

2010-03-11T06:57:00.001-05:00

New Jersey Board of Education has Wiccan/ Pagan holidays on the agenda for meeting

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What the Fox!

2010-03-09T07:07:00.005-05:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

So, lately, every time we let our dogs out, they bark their friggin' heads off. Oh, I know what you're thinking, "Trace, they're dogs. It's what dogs do!" Yeah, I know, but this isn't just dogs being dogs, it's really annoying, and I'm sure my neighbors would agree!

Our property backs up to a wooded area called the "right of way". It's actually an access road for our utility company, but for all intents and purposes, it's a place where people walk their dogs. My husband and I assumed that with the leaves having fallen off the trees, our dogs just had a better view of passing canines and they're just defending their territory.

I would often notice our Daphne, kneeling forward on her elbows, tail wagging furiously, seemingly playing with something that isn't there. I was beginning to wonder if she'd lost her mind!

Then, my husband spotted a red fox run through our neighbor's yard and disappear into the "right of way". Ah, it was all beginning to make sense. We've heard their haunting cries on summer nights. I gotta tell ya, it's really creepy! Daphne has a very red coat, so I can see how a fox might mistake her for one of their entourage.

A few nights ago, I'd let the dogs out (you're singing Snoop Dog in your head, aren't you?) and sat down to read. They immediately began their infernal barking! I was livid pissed! It was then Ray told me a strange little "tail" that he'd heard in the supermarket.

He had run into a neighbor who said that there was a "family" of fox living in the right of way. Seriously? With all the foot, not to mention paw traffic, can they really have found a place to have sex and actually raise an entire family? And more importantly, are they paying taxes?

But wait, it gets worse. The woman said that a neighbor a few doors down was actually feeding them! She said if she didn't, they "trashed" her yard.

OK, you guys know me. If anyone were to do something like this, it would most likely be me, but not even I'm this..ummmm, brave. Call me crazy, but doesn't it stand to reason that the fox will eventually become more dependent on their feedings and the kindness of humans? If the feedings were to stop, wouldn't it make sense that they would look for other people willing to feed them? And aren't fox known to carry, Oh, I don't know, RABIES!!!! Just askin'

Since the fox sighting, I've been especially careful with Ginger a.k.a. Tootie (our Yorkie/Chihuahua). I can see how a fox might mistake her for a rabbit! I have been known to coax her inside by yelling in a weird falsetto voice, "Oh My God, Tootie! The fox is going to get you!!" I'm sure my neighbors think it's hysterical! Ray just cringes in embarassment!

A few nights ago, when Ginger wanted to go outside, so I decided to go with her...pajamas and all. I kept watch as she roamed the yard, not really expecting anything, but just in case.

I was enjoying the cool night air, gazing at the stars, when suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted something red creeping slowly out from the shadows and it was heading right for...OH MY GOD! Tootie!!! I swear, my heart stopped! I hauled ass down the steps, my feet never touching the ground! Poor Daphne spun around looking dumbfounded! Ginger had a look of anticipation, as if she was thinking, "Mom's going to kill Daphne? Cool!" I'm sure they both thought that I'd lost MY mind!

Wow! Way to harsh my mellow!

Somewhere, I'm sure there are a family of fox laughing their tails off!

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Tranquil Endings...

2010-03-07T07:19:00.007-05:00

Merry Meet and Happy Sunday, Family and Friends,

So, this past Friday brought us some comforting news. My husband met with his surgeon for his 6 month follow up and CAT scan. And while the tumor he had was benign with rare chance of recurrence(knocking on wood, throwing salt over left shoulder, rubbing lucky rabbit's foot on my ass), the same can be said for lottery wins and lightning strikes. Still, the surgeon was happy with the results and so were we! I love you, Dr. Korst!

The surgeon's office is housed in an outpatient cancer center. Perhaps it's my Reiki training, but I tend to be more sensitive to other people's energies when I'm there. At times walking through the corridors of the building is quite uncomfortable. The energy is heavy, oppressive and yet, there is a quiet tranquility.

And despite my obvious joy that my husband is doing well, my happiness was tempered as I looked into the faces of the people who aren't. A young girl, pale, thin and frail, somewhat jaundiced with a knit cap pulled down covering her bald head. An older woman, some one's grandma perhaps? Her husband clutching her arm, steadying her as they slowly walked the hallway looking for their doctor's office. Her look was the same, sad, confused, frightened. I wanted to offer them Reiki or perhaps just a hug. It makes me so angry! Stupid Cancer.

I find myself doing this a lot. Looking into some one's face, sensing their pain and wanting to offer healing of some kind. I realize this is not always appropriate. Some might welcome it, others I'm certain, might find it strange and intrusive. Reiki is not Witchcraft. There is no religious affiliation attached to it. Still, when one hears "energy work", unless they are familiar with the practice, they immediately seem skeptical or worse..frightened.

Reiki can ease one's anxiety, depression and pain, but it's not going to make a terminally ill patient or their family deal better with the prospect of dying. It's not meant to be spiritual, although some find the contrary to be true. I find it to be a little of both.

I've always felt that everyone should have the kind of experience with the dying that I shared my Dad. We were able to talk openly about his illness and the fact that he was terminal. We were able to laugh and share things that perhaps we waited far too long to say. There were no awkward silences or avoidance of discussion about death. No regrets. It was peaceful acceptance for both of us.

My family has experienced several losses in the past 10 years. My Dad, my sister, my mother and Ray's Mom. Was there something I was meant to learn from it, I often wondered? I gotta tell ya, for a really long time, what I learned was that shit happens and not all of it was good! That said, I've suspected there was something I was meant to share from my experience, in some way, with those who needed to hear it.

This April, on my birthday, I will embark on new and yet familiar journey. I will be taking a workshop to be certified as an "End of Life" Doula. Perhaps you've heard the term "doula" used to describe someone who assists in physical and emotional support during birth. In this workshop, I will learn to provide terminally ill patent's and families with spiritual and emotional comfort during the transition of dying.

Yeah, I know..it's a really weird way to spend my birthday! But, it feels right.

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Until They Remove All Uncertainty!

2010-03-06T08:33:00.021-05:00

Merry Meet Family, Friends and Fellow Ridgewoodians!

Well, if you've read my last post, and some of you obviously have, you know that Kyla was on the receiving end of inappropriate commentary by someone who is employed by the Ridgewood School System. This morning, I received the following Youtube video emailed to my blog with the following comments:

here is the beloved angel at 10
very nice

I'm sure whomever sent it expected that this was something I would be too embarrassed to share. It obviously shows Kyla being well...a 10 year old child, as the poster acknowledges, and behaving with all the maturity of the same. Am I happy to see Kyla flipping off the camera? Of course not, she should know better! Does that give this person, an adult, the right to insult my 13 year old daughter for no apparent reason? I'll let you be the judge.

It really takes a special kind of person to attempt to redirect the attention away from their own innappropriate behavior, onto a child. There are obviously people working with our children that feel they are entitled to treat them however they see fit and guess what? This is what your astronomical tax dollars are paying for!

Here is the status update that was posted on Kyla's Facebook that same evening.

Kyla: Ouch...just got dissed by someones mother
-_- not to happy..

Kyla is feeling angry
via BuddyPoke
Thu at 5:18pm via BuddyPoke

Nice? Nice is ruining a child's self-esteem with mean-spirited insults.

I never claimed that my child was an angel. She was however, a child that called a friend looking for homework help and was subjected to insulting, libelous and demeaning comments made by that child's mother..an employee of the Ridgewood School System.

Again, I always give people the benefit of the doubt, unless they make complete and utter asses of themselves and remove all uncertainty.

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

"Woe betide the creature that fucks up in my garden".

Who Is "Aiding" Ridgewood's Children?

2010-03-04T18:41:00.006-05:00

Merry Meet Family, Friends and Fellow Ridgewoodians!

Tonight, I received a very disturbing phone call from my daughter, Kyla. She had been chatting via web cam with friend in order to get some help doing math homework. During the conversation, the friend's mother, who is a Teacher's Aide at our local grammar school, came into the room and asked who her daughter was talking to. Her daughter responded that she was talking to Kyla, who needed help with her Math homework. The Teacher's Aide responded, "She's too lazy to do homework. She hasn't done homework since the 4th Grade".

Oh really? Is this really the kind of person that we want "aiding' our children in the Ridgewood School Systems? Are these people actually qualified to work with children or do they just know the right people? Aren't they supposed to be trained to encourage our children to do their best?

Kyla was been receiving in support in Math since she was in 4th grade. This was an extremely hurtful comment to make to a child who was asking for help. It is especially inappropriate, as well as insensitive, coming from someone who is employed as an assistant to our Ridgewood teachers.

Now, I'm sure this "Aide" will "deny, deny, deny", but this was a comment made via web cam conversation. Kyla both heard and saw who was making the comment. That said, it wouldn't be the first time this person lied to protect their own ass by claiming that the child had "mistaken" what was said.

When Kyla was in 4th grade, she had a teacher that was new to the Ridgewood School system. On the first day of school, we asked Kyla how she liked her new 4th grade teacher. She said she liked her, but that many of the children were crying. Crying? Why would children be crying on the first day of school? This wasn't Kindergarten! These children were 8 or 9 years old! Kyla told us that many of the children didn't understand the math and that the teacher was becoming impatient with them. My husband, who has been a teacher for 25 years, and I found this somewhat disconcerting, but decided to take a "wait and see" approach given that it was the first day of school. We felt that a period of adjustment for both teacher and students would be appropriate. In the months to follow however, there were an increasing number of similar incidents in which this teacher's behavior was upsetting Kyla. We hadn't had any incidents with any of Kyla's teachers before or since. They all described her as a "pleasure to have in class". We thought it was best to address this issue as it was beginning to significantly impact Kyla's learning experience. We expected that, following our initial meeting, there would be no further incidents. Instead, we ended up meeting on two more occasions as a result of this teacher's behavior.

The "finale" came when Kyla was asked to make a correction on some work she had handed in. Kyla made the corrections, but when she handed them to the teacher, the teacher turned to her "Aide", and in the front of the entire class commented. "Look, Mrs. C, second and third graders know how to punctuate, but this 4th Grader doesn't". Kyla came out of school crying. She was upset and embarrassed. My husband and I called the Principal and made another appointment to meet with the teacher and her Aide. Prior to our meeting however, I spoke to several of Kyla's classmates, just to make sure that there wasn't a misunderstanding or misinterpretation of what was said. All the students confirmed Kyla's version of the events and told us how "sorry they felt for Kyla" and how badly they would feel if they had been on the receiving end of this kind of treatment.

Upon meeting with the teacher and her Aide, Mrs. C, we were told by both, "that's not exactly what was said". I made it clear that several children corroborated Kyla's story. My husband asked, "Well, if that wasn't "exactly" what was said, what was?". Neither the teacher, nor her Aide, could recall. How convenient!

I really think that with the taxes we are paying to live in Ridgewood we deserve better than someone who demeans our children. I certainly hope this isn't what Ridgewood considers the "Gold Standard" in Ridgewood Public School Education.

In any case, not only have I emailed this "Teacher's Aide", thanking her to keep her derogatory and libelous commentary about my child to herself, but I copied the same to the Principal of Travell School as well as the Superintendent. I feel it is imperative that they be aware of the integrity and character of the people we have "aiding" Ridgewood's teachers.

Tracy

Life Begins Anew!

2010-03-01T20:49:00.005-05:00

Merry Meet and Happy March Family and Friends!

This evening as I was leaving work, I was struck by how chilly it was. I know that shouldn't come as any great surprise with February just coming to a close, but stepping out into the bright sunlight and seeing the snow melting all around me...I expected something more. I expected warmth! I expected...Spring!

I snuggled into my car seat and cranked the heat up to 80 degrees! At least, it would be Summer in my Volvo!

I arrived at my doorstep a few minutes later and as I shivered, fumbling with my key in the lock, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. I thought that surely it was my imagination playing tricks on me. I walked back down the steps and there, to my absolute amazement, I found crocus pushing their way up through the melting snow!

::::Doing Lil' Pagan Dance O' Joy::::::

Happy New Beginnings!

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Some Things Are Sacred!

2010-02-25T13:39:00.004-05:00

Merry Meet and Happy Thursday, Family and Friends:

Last night, I watched a long awaited segment of the National Geographic Channel's "Taboo" documentary series. For those of you who aren't able to get National Geographic where you live, the series follows the diversity of cultural practices such as body modification, healing, Voodoo, burial rites, sexual practices, etc. It's really quite interesting. I believe you can follow this link and either download or purchase episodes. I would highly recommend it.

http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/series/taboo

Last night's episode however, made me cringe! The episode was about "nudity", specifically ritual nudity. A Wiccan group from Australia agreed to hold a ritual in which they were filmed practicing skyclad a.k.a "nekkid" for the series. The actual translation of the word, Skyclad, means "clad only by the sky". Quite beautiful, in my humble opinion.

Let me begin by saying that I have absolutely no problem with nudity in general. The human body is a beautiful thing. What I do have a problem with however, is with this group's choice to have their ritual filmed, under any circumstances.

The fact of the matter is, that there are many, many people who still don't understand what the Wiccan practices are and there are some they aren't meant to. Some practices are purposely reserved only for those who practice within formal covens. They are sacred.

There still exists an unfavorable mindset regarding our beliefs and what we do and this kind of programming only serves to enhance people's misconceptions by dangling (no pun intended) just enough information to make it tantalizing. Ritual nudity in certain Wiccan traditions is not a well guarded secret. Anyone can research and learn that certain groups do, in fact, practice ritual nudity.

"Many traditional covens work skyclad or nude – not to emphasize sexuality but to let psychic energy flow unhindered, to help members accept their own bodies as natural and good, and to point up the fact that all are social equals in the circle" pg. 45, Coven Craft by Amber K.

Perhaps, the reason why there are still so many misconceptions about Wicca and Neopaganism is because there is an element of secrecy surrounding it. For some, the fear of persecution because of their beliefs is still very real. There are documented cases of those that have lost their jobs and their children, simply because they are practicing Pagans. What is worrisome, however, is that this particular group's half hour segment provides hardly enough information to arrive at an informed opinion about the various Wiccan traditions and their practices. There are also rituals that are open to the general public in which the celebrants and participants are fully clothed. And it's, ya know, television. If something is misinterpreted, there really isn't the opportunity to clarify what one has seen. And again, it's television! Which means that these episodes have been edited to the networks advantage to allow for the the best overall ratings. Seriously? Ritual nudity? Who wouldn't be curious?! That's definitely going to be an attention grabber, especially for those looking to join in the proverbial "Witch Hunt".

Many Wiccan traditions have one area in which they are unified, that being, preserving the integrity of "The Craft". We want to insure that our practices remain as they were passed down and not become watered down until they are unrecognizable from the beauty of their origins. We hold them in our hearts as sacred rites. When people or groups such as this allow their rituals to be filmed, they weaken that unity and integrity. More importantly, how much of a real education is the general public getting about Wiccan practices? There is a wealth valuable information that could have been shared that is far more interesting than whether one is " naked in their rites".

This morning as I drove the kids to school, I felt the need to caution them lest they get any negative feedback from last night's episode. I could hear it now, "So, does your mother really dance naked under the full moon?".

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Did the New Jersey Board of Education really approve Wiccan/Pagan holidays for their calendar?

2010-02-24T11:36:00.001-05:00

Did the New Jersey Board of Education really approve Wiccan/Pagan holidays for their calendar?

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Sleeping With Ducks....

2010-02-24T06:56:00.002-05:00

"Until one has loved an animal, part of their soul remains unawakened."

Beauty and the Blizzard

2010-02-10T16:58:00.004-05:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

So, we're currently in the throes of a blizzard! There's about a foot on the ground and counting. This morning, I was looking out the window watching the snow fall, thankful that I had filled the bird feeder the day before. I worry about the birdies managing to find food in this weather!

As the snow was falling at it's heaviest, I spotted a beautiful little guest eying up the feeder and I grabbed my camera to see if he would allow me a photo op. Just thought I'd share!

Cheerfully Anticipating Spring!!!

Tracy

The Words of a...

2010-01-31T09:18:00.008-05:00

:::GASP::::

WITCH!!!

:::mini rant warning:::

:::sarcasm font on:::

If you have concerns or questions about Wicca or Witchcraft, please, for the love of nerve, don't buy into the whole "Hollywood" crap! Feel free to ask, most of us would be more than happy to answer. And contrary to what some might like to you to believe, I'm not going to paint some rosy ass picture designed to make those who have misconceptions feel more comfortable or accepting of my choices. In the end, you'll believe what you want to believe.

Just for the record however, no, we don't perform human or animal sacrifices. We neither worship Satan, nor believe in it's existence. Satan is a Christian concept. We believe that giving evil a name lends it power. There is enough evil in the World without the designation of it's own personal deity.

What about Black Magick? Magick is neither Black nor White. Have you ever been livid pissed to the point that you wished someone got exactly what they deserve? Well than you have practiced negative magick!! Know the old saying, "be careful what you wish for?" Words have power and so does the intent behind them. So, yes...do be mindful of what you wish for and where and to whom it's directed.

We hold the Earth and all her inhabitants as sacred. We celebrate the Seasons and the cycles of life. That pentacle we wear? Represents the elements of Earth, Air, Fire, Water and Spirit.

Yes, we believe in God, most likely more than one. I didn't have to "find Christ". I know exactly where he is...on my altar along with the other Deities that I honor!

We don't proselytize. We're not a cult of crazies intent on kidnapping or brainwashing your children. That's your job!!

If you adhere to any of the misconceptions stated above, guess what...you could never consider yourself a Wiccan and we wouldn't either!

So, perhaps you're wondering why I'm ranting or why I feel the need to justify my beliefs.

Well, I'll tell ya. Every once in a while, someone will read my Facebook page or something else I've written and say, "ya know, I think Tracy is a Witch?" Ya think?

Facebook, MySpace, Twitter are all wonderful venues for people who've yet to meet to become acquainted. My friends and coworkers, my husband, my husband's friends and colleagues, my children and their friends, have all "friended" me on Facebook and in doing so, have the ability to glimpse into the parts of my life that I most happily share.

Obviously, people are going to be curious about what the term "Witch" actually means, what I do or what I believe. Curiosity is a good thing. Curiosity inspires us to learn and if given the opportunity, I will most happily teach. Ignorance born of fear however, paralyzes the mind with preconceived notions. There are still plenty out there who, upon hearing the word, "Witch" immediately close their minds, lock the door and throw away the key.

Therein lies the danger. Refusing to learn fosters and perpetuates ignorance. People have occasionally criticized my choice to be so vocal about my beliefs. "Aren't you worried about how this will effect your children?", I've been asked. Well, it probably has effected my children much in the same way their religion has effects theirs, with the exception perhaps of a lot less guilt or fear of spending eternity in a much toastier climate. Oh, and they don't seem to be tortured in school quite as much. After all, one can't argue that a little well placed fear can be quite healthy as well!

And on that happy note, I will leave you with the following words of wisdom;

“Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.”
Marie Curie (French Physicist), twice winner of the Nobel Prize, 1867-1934)

In Darkness, Light

Tracy

"Mom, my stomach hurts"

2010-01-17T12:41:00.009-05:00

Merry Meet and Happy Sunday, Family and Friends!!

So, a friend and I had a discussion about dishonesty. I think lying for the most part, is part of the human experience. Lying is learned in childhood. "Mom, my stomach hurts" is the classic lie I've heard most often since becoming a parent. If I fall for it once and keep my child home from school, the next time the child will find it just a little easier to lie again.

I had an extremely strict upbringing. At times, I felt the need to lie just to avoid the embarrassment of telling the truth. My mother was obsessively over-protective. I often lied to my friends about why I couldn't join in an activity because to admit the truth would mean acknowledging that it was simply because my mother wouldn't allow it. The result however, was that I needed to come up with more and more elaborate lies and remember which I told and to whom. This NEVER works!!

Growing up, many people described me as quiet or aloof, when in fact, I just didn't want to get close enough for them to learn the truth. Fortunately, my closest friends understood and accepted that lying was not something I preferred to do or part of who I was, but what I felt was necessary to preserve my self-esteem or lack thereof.

Someone who consistently lies when it's just as easy to be truthful fits the profile of a compulsive or pathological liar. Most often they create a entire reality around themselves and are legends in their own minds. They are, in a word, mythomaniacs. A mythomanic, when confronted with their own untruths, often becomes extremely defensive. Of course they do, it's threatening the fantasy they created about themselves. They will very often claim that "dishonesty" is the quality they disrespect most in others, while in reality, it is the mirror image of their own existence.

I can not, in all good conscience, say that as an adult I've never lied. I've told a few whoppers! And I make no excuse for lying. When I think back to the nature of said "whoppers" however, I recognize that there have been two basic scenarios. I've either lied to protect someone I love or to avoid losing something that I hold precious to me. Does that justify lying? A lie is a lie, isn't it? Let your own conscience be the judge.

In my humble opinion however, there is no lie more despicable than knowingly and willfully lying about another person. Even the smallest of lies that threaten an other's reputation or integrity defines the lowest one can descend to achieve personal gain.

It's like the moron in High School who ruins a girl's reputation simply by telling all his friends that he's had sex with her. The friends have neither the reason to disbelieve or the desire to learn the truth, so it's easier just to accept what they've been told and perpetuate the lie.

As the mother of a teenager, I shared this scenario with my own daughter, who found it difficult to believe that someone would actually do this to another person, until of course, it happened to her. One of the advantages, however, of being "friended" by her classmates on Facebook was that it made it quite easy to get the message across to the little bastard, that unless he wanted his genitals mounted on a plaque and gifted to his parents for Christmas, he would do nothing more that might disrespect my daughter.

I've recently encountered a few life situations in which I've been dealing with this type of behavior, all of which are not only disrespectful to me and my family, but are threatening on both a personal and professional level. In my daughter's case, I've effectively dealt with one and am taking necessary steps to remedy the remaining. At the risk of redundancy, "woe betide the creature that fucks up in my garden".

In any case, if I had any advice to give based on my experience it would be this. If you suspect that someone has been dishonest about you, confront them. They will almost always become defensive and reveal themselves by trying to recreate their version of the truth. If you've been told something that doesn't ring true or seems out of character for another person, try to give that person the benefit of the doubt and consider the source.

Truth fears no questions. ~Unknown

In Darkness, Light,

Tracy

Mew Beginnings!

2010-01-12T21:31:00.001-05:00

Merry Meet and Happy New Beginnings,  Family and Friends!

As some you may know, my husband has had a long standing moratorium on my getting any more pets, which I have made a long standing committment to ignore.

So, it was the first Sunday after the New Year and after spending the better part of the weekend indoors making Yule/Christmas go away, I needed to get out of the house. As much as it was a relief having the stress of the holidays behind me, they were indeed wonderful and I found it all quite depressing.

My husband had promised to take our daughter, Kyla, to get a new video game and I thought I would...ya know, just tag along.  Seriously, for reasons that are only clear to me now, I felt an overwhelming need to visit Petco.  For those of you who don't have a Petco where you live, imagine a supermarket exclusively for pets and you'll know what I mean. The other thing Petco offers is pet adoptions!

As my husband and daughter made there way towards the video store, I casually said, "I'm just going to go over to Petco", all the while knowing that I had an ulterior motive. I walked into the store and there was the rescue agency, "Felines in Need" set up with rows of cages with cats and kittens waiting to be adopted.  Almost against my will, I was drawn to the last cage and there was a beautiful black long haired kitten with golden eyes.  She was...exquisite!

And yet, it wasn't only her beauty that I was struck by.  Her eyes told the story of a spirit that had been broken. Despite the fact that she had obviously been well cared for, she appeared dejected!  The adoption agent explained that it was her first time being shown and that she was probably just stressed.

I didn't care what the reason.  At that moment, I made a promise that she would never feel that way again.

I took a picture and sent it to my daughter's cellphone with a note that said, "Come see the new baby! Don't tell Dad!!!". Then I asked the adoption agent if I could fill out an application. I was feverishly filling out the paper work when I noticed my husband and daughter walking towards the store!

My husband immediately walked over and demanded, "What are you doing?'. "Nothing", I answered, not very convincingly, but with that "deer in the head lights" expression just for effect. "We're not getting another cat!", Ray said.   "I know. I'm not getting her, I'm just filling out an application", I replied. Isn't she cute?, I asked.   "Yeah, she's cute. Are you out of your mind?", he asked, seriously. For the love of nerve! He's asked me that more times than I can count! You would think after 23 years he'd know the answer by now!  "We're not getting another cat!", he repeated.  I nodded in agreement....just for effect. I finished writing and the adoption agent told me she'd check my references and let me know by the end of the week if we would be approved for the adoption.

For the better part of the week Ray kept insisting that we were not going to get another cat.  On Wednesday last, the adoption agent phoned to tell us they had made their decision and I broke the joyful news to Ray.

May I present....

Lady Musette!!!

By the way, Musette has only been with us for a few days and my husband has told me every day how cute she is!

Ahhhh....it's good to be right!

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Promises From the Heart!

2010-01-03T11:33:00.004-05:00

Photo of "Me" courtesy of Ray Frasche

Merry Meet and New Year's Blessings Friends and Family!

What can I say? Phewwwww! Glad that's over! Not really, there were just as many miraculous blessings as there were heartbreaking tragedies during last year's passing.

I actually am looking forward to the coming year. And while I hate New Year's resolutions, I will attempt to keep the promises I make to myself, my family and beloved friends.

I promise to take one day at a time. Life is too short not too. Besides, what sense is there in worrying about outcomes before they happen. It's perfectly obvious that no matter how much we prepare and plan, life can change in the beat of the heart or lack thereof.

I promise to spend more time meditating. Meditation is one of the single most powerful tools one can learn, not only for one's own well-being, but for the practice of magick. The benefits are well documented.   It brings us to a place between the Worlds where we have more ease in connecting with our Spirit Guides and Deities, in my humble opinion of course.

I promise to spend more time reading. Ok, well at this point, I already spend a ton of time reading. Even my books have books! So, I promise to follow my heart to only those books that are screaming for me to read them first!

I promise to spend more time sitting at the feet of my teachers. I am the first to admit that I have a lot to learn, but I also have the committment, drive and ambition to learn everything I can from those that are willing to teach me.

I promise to keep a consistent workout schedule. N'uff said.

I promise to do more healing work. It's changed my life and I am told, is one of my greatest gifts. I'm eternally grateful to those who encourage and inspire me! Every healing is a testament to their faith in my abilities.

You've heard the old saying, "old habits die hard?" I promise to waste no more time on those things that no longer serve me or that do not benefit the greater good. Luckily, I've been cleaning out cobwebs for quite some time, so this shouldn't be one of the more difficult promises I keep.

This New Year's Eve was a grand time spent with family and friends. As I prepared for the evenings festivities, I couldn't ignore the fact that there was a Full Blue Eclipsing Moon that would be ushering in the New Year.

I constructed a simple altar of candles and the Elements. I placed a small cauldron in the center. A pen and paper was nearby to write the intentions and/or blessings we hoped to manifest in the coming year and that we would burn in the cauldron after midnight.

Some might say that this is a practice that has become trite and over done. I've found, however, that often the most effective magick needn't include all the pomp and circumstance, but simply the pure intent of the heart.

It had begun to snow as we stepped outside to watch as the flames consumed our intentions.  I knew that these were not merely little slips of burning paper, but that they held all the hope and promise of the coming year.

So Mote It Be!

Tracy

P.S. I promise to say "I love you" more often than I already do!  At times, they are the single most important three words someone can say!

Wishing You....

2009-12-24T19:11:00.000-05:00

Beloved Family and Friends,

I bet you think I'm going to wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Blessed Yule or Joyous Kwanzaa or a Happy Festivus! I'm sure by now, whatever tradition you celebrate, you've already been blessed and wished upon more times than you can count. Yet, I do...wish you all of those things.

But, just as I stepped out into the cool, crisp night air I looked up to see a beautiful shining crescent moon and thought, "Such a miracle".

So here is my wish...

On this night, I wish you all a miracle.

So mote it be!

Tracy

Dear Santa...

2009-12-20T16:08:00.001-05:00

Dear Santa,

I think I can safely say, I've been good all year. Yes, I do realize that "good" is a subjective term. And I must confess, I've certainly stretched the term beyond all reasonable definition in the past.

I'm sure there are those that would say, as a practicing Witch, I have not been good at all! That's ok, I have a suggestion as to where they might strategically place their Christmas trees.

I haven't compiled a Christmas list so don't worry, this isn't going to take very much of your time. There is very little I actually want. I believe that I received my greatest gift back in September with my husband's benign diagnosis and successful surgery. So, I guess you're wondering, Dear Santa, "Why is she writing? Surely she knows I have enough to do already! Pesky Witch!"

I know your busy, so I'll get right to the point. This year, Dear Santa, has seen too many people that I love and those loved by others, being diagnosed with cancer. Yes, I know, you don't have to be bad or good all year to get cancer. It isn't very selective. If someone isn't touched by it personally, certainly, someone you know has been. It sucks! Ooooops, sorry Santa! Outside voice!

I know what you're thinking, Santa. "Oh No! The Witch better not even think of asking for a cure for cancer!"

Well Santa, here's the way I see it. If you can get into that sleigh every year, driven by 8 "flying" reindeer, squeeze your ass down countless chimneys, spreading tidings of comfort and joy, you better friggin' believe I'm asking!

Oh yeah, I went there!

Hey Santa, cut me a break, ok? Perhaps you can check in with whomever gave those poor reindeer the power to schlep your big ass around the World for years! Nice trick, but I'm not easily impressed! So, Dear Santa, see what you can do, ok? There are a lot of people counting on you!

Thanks for your anticipated cooperation!

Tracy a.k.a. "That Pesky Witch"

Shadow of the Mother

2009-12-19T19:46:00.003-05:00

Photo courtesy of Tracy Frasche

You are here...

Yet, hidden

Foot falls beside me

Upon the rich Earth

Filling my senses

Dark Mother

Tis' your presence

That guides me...

Tracy Frasche - 12-19-09

What Lies Within?

2009-12-18T07:56:00.000-05:00

Deep, deep

Search your soul..

Is there really depth there?

Or a surface so fragile

So easily broken

Shallow, shallow

Waters of your ego

Behind a mask

Drenched with tears

Hides a frightened child

Tread, Tread

Currents carry you

To places you seek strength

Merely an Illusion

Wasted time

What you seek, lies within

Tracy Frasche ~ 12/18/09

Her Royal Catness!

2009-12-12T09:53:00.004-05:00

I haz to takez the picture, Mom! ~ Lady Ember

Not To Be...Forgotten

2009-12-09T14:27:00.001-05:00

Merry Meet Once Again, Family and Friends!

So, I must admit, that I've been laying back quite a bit lately. What I mean is, I've been more focused on those things that are most important and enjoyable.  Spending time with my family and friends, reading, practicing, dancing, catching up on Facebook. I have found myself taking time just being thankful for my blessings and to take life a little less seriously. This is not necessarily a bad thing at all, as it has given me the opportunity to reconnect with the those people and parts of myself that are really important.

I was walking by my altar before work yesterday morning and realized that there was one thing I had forgotten to do.  It had been quite a while since I'd honored my patroness, Hecate. I usually make it a point of leaving fresh flowers, wine or mead and candles as a sign of my devotion to her. The last wine I'd left had almost run dry and I made a mental note to remedy this as soon as possible.

I have personally found that Hecate is not the type of Deity that one works with casually. She doesn't seem to appreciate an "as needed" relationship. I don't merely work with Hecate, I am oathbound by blood to her. My own.

Last night after dinner, as I sat by the fireplace reading, I remembered my promise to her from that morning. I stopped what I was doing and headed upstairs to retrieve my altar chalice. On the way however, I was distracted by a conversation with my son and afterward couldn't remember, for the life of me, what it was that I had gotten up to do! Don't ya just hate that!!! "What was it I was doing?", I asked myself. I knew it was something important, but I couldn't remember what.  Then it hit me!  "Holy crap!", feeling guilty that I'd forgotten.  "She is not going to be happy!"

I rushed upstairs to get the chalice and then went out onto our deck to spill what remained of the wine back to the Earth. "A Gift for a Gift". Just as I leaned over the deck, I caught the leg of my pants on the branch of a climbing wild rose bush. The sharp thorn pierced the fabric, tearing my flesh!  My first words (no they didn't begin with "Mother") were, "Yeah, I get it!", acknowledging that there is and always will be, a price to pay for her Wisdom, and that she generously shares her blessings with those who honor her.

I went back into the house and looked down to see a rich crimson stain was now seeping through my pant leg. I lifted the fabric to survey the damage and found that blood was now trickling down my leg and onto my freshly scrubbed kitchen floor!!! I guessed I'd probably survive and rather than let this distract me from the task at hand, I began filling the chalice with red wine. I whispered my words of heartfelt gratitude, held the cup against my bare skin, then watched as my own life's blood mixed with my offering to the Dark Mother. "A Gift for a Gift".

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Now Ya See Em'

2009-12-06T11:21:00.001-05:00

Merry Meet and Almost Yuletide Greetings Family and Friends!

Ok, so yesterday I'd left a little incense offering for the Elemental Guardians.

As I watched the smoke swirling into interesting little patterns, I decided to see if I could catch them on camera. I took a few shots, but wasn't really impressed with any of them. As I browsed the images, I decided to enlarge the frames to see if enhancing them would reveal anything interesting. I think...possibly...it may have.

See if you can spot the little faces in the swirls of smoke. There are two near the top of the photo, one above the other. One seems to be glancing downward, the other staring straight ahead.

I showed the photo to Ray, my husband and creative consultant and he was able to pick the first one out right away. "Yep", he said, "they really are in there aren't they".

So let me know what you think or if...

In Darkness, Light!!!

Tracy

One Soul's Journey....

2009-11-23T23:38:00.004-05:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

So, this Saturday past, I went into New York City for all day intensive workshop called, The Shaman's Way: Healing the Light Body. As many of you know, I practice Jikiden Reiki and I'm always looking for new and interesting modalities to add to my "medicine bag".

I recently rediscovered a wonderful venue in New York's "Open Center". They have a plethora of amazing workshops and speakers on the most interesting topics! The workshop I attended was given by Dr. Albert Villoldo. I had read Dr. Villoldo's books, "Shaman, Healer, Sage" and "The Four Winds", so when I learned that he was teaching there, I just knew I couldn't miss it.

Just before we were about to leave, I heard Ray yelling something from the top of the staircase. The only thing I could make out was, "look out the window". "Which window?", I wondered! I took a wild guess and glanced out through the sliding glass doors to our deck and there, staring back at me, was the most breathtakingly majestic Red Tailed Hawk! She was sitting on the railing in the exact place that I leave my offerings to the Elemental spirits!   As I stood there transfixed, it dawned on me, "Holy crap, where's my camera?!".  When I moved, she flew away.

I found it amazing that with four dogs just inside the door, she would have chosen to land where she had! She was beautiful and it was such a splendid way to begin the day.

My husband was driving me to the lecture. I don't like to drive, but more accurately, I hate driving in NYC. I find being a passenger in the car only slightly more tolerable, but no less stressful. It's like being in a video game where your goal is to navigate through a maze of streets, while trying to escape the demonic cab drivers that are trying to kill you!

The parking is a nightmare in itself, so when we arrived in the area of the Open Center, Ray suggested I get out and walk the block or so, so I wouldn't be late for the workshop.   I wasn't thrilled, but I knew he was right.  I hopped out of the car on East 30th Street and began looking for the building.

I got to the first intersection, wondering if I would maneuver the crosswalk without getting killed, when I noticed a man standing next to me on the corner. He repeatedly glanced at me as we stood there waiting for the light to change. This made me a tad uncomfortable. It is a known trait of the New Yorker never to make eye contact. The light changed and I quickly ran across the street, pretending that I was in a rush.

As I walked along, trying to catch a number on one of the buildings, I realized that the signs were reading West and I needed to be going East. Ok, now I'm lost in Manhattan. I began making mental notes to myself to be really pissed at Ray if I ever saw him again!

I stopped walking long enough to get my bearings, when the same man that was on the corner came walking in my direction.  He seemed to be looking for something as well, so I said, "excuse me, I've not sure if I'm going the right way. Can you tell me which way is East 30th street. He told me he thought it was in the other direction and asked me where I was trying to go.  "Uh oh", I thought, do I really want to tell him?  "The Open Center", I replied. To which he responded, "I'm going there too". Is he really going there or is he just telling me he is to get me to follow him?", I wondered.  "Ok, now you're just being friggin" paranoid", I thought to myself. He really didn't give me any reason to be mistrustful and I was in no position to refuse his help. We began, two strangers, walking together in the opposite direction.

He asked if I was attending a lecture there and I told him I was. He asked me which one and when I told him that it was Dr. Villoldo's workshop and he said, "I'm taking that workshop too!" Again, I began to feel uneasy. But, a short time later, when we arrived at the Open Center, I saw him disappear into the room where the lecture was being held. What were the chances of meeting the one stranger in New York City that was going to the same place that I was! Phew!

Now that I was safely inside, I called Ray to tell him that I'd arrived and to sarcastically thank him for sending me off in the wrong direction. During the call, I specifically took note that my cellphone was fully charged. I told Ray I would call him to yell at him when we got a break and I settled in to enjoy the lecture.

After a few hours, we got a lunch break. As I ventured out onto the sunny streets of Manhattan, I pulled out my phone to call Ray. It was then I realized, "Holy Crap!!!" My cellphone was...DEAD!!! How could that be?!?! Now, I had no way to contact Ray when the lecture was over!! I toyed with the idea of asking someone if I could use their cellphone. "This is New York!", I thought. No one is going to just "lend" a complete stranger their phone!! Now, I'm friggin' stranded in New York City, with no phone! At that moment, I recalled hearing a news report about how it's virtually impossible to find a payphone in New York City anymore! Fuck! Fuckity, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!!!

Ok, I needed to think this through rationally. I decided I'd grab some lunch while I figured out what to do. I took out my bag and began rummaging around looking for the money that Ray said he'd put in my purse that morning, but all I could find was four dollars! No big deal, I have my bank card.   I made a mental note to kill Ray later. I walked around the corner and I found a little cafe and right next to it, a convenience store with an ATM. Ok, this was good!   As I walked from the convenience store I spotted...wait, did my eyes deceive me? Yes, a payphone! I swear I heard a choir of Angels! But, I had no spare change. "Not a problem", I thought. I'll eat lunch, get some change and call Ray.

After lunch, I went up to the counter where two very pleasant young men were working and asked if I could possibly get change. I explained that I was in from Jersey for the day and that my cellphone died. I needed money for the payphone. Before I could say more, one of the guys said, "here, would you like to use my cellphone?". My first, thought..."I am in New York, right?".

Ok, so now I managed to find an ATM, eat lunch, get change, yell at Ray and get back to the lecture in time for the second half! I felt a sense of relief and pride in my own resourcefulness! I spotted the gentleman who'd help me find my way and silently mouthed the words, "thank you" from across the room.

Dr. Villoldo's lecture was fascinating and included a demonstration on "Soul Retrieval". It is believed that if we endure a particularly traumatic event before or during birth or early childhood, a part of our soul may separate in order to protect itself. This can lead us to experience repetitive harmful behaviors, relationships, accidents, illnesses, that will continue until we can heal the trauma, so that this part of the soul can once again be reunited with the whole.

Following the demonstration, we were taught how to "journey" in a meditative state to retrieve the lost portion of the soul. We were instructed to choose someone in the room that we'd never met and we would simultaneously do a soul retrieval journey for each other.

As I glanced around the room, my eyes met those of an attractive woman, who I'd noticed several times during the lecture. She immediately smiled at me and walked over. We were instructed to share little more than pleasantries, no real information. Her name was Francesca and one of the first things I noticed was a ring she was wearing. It was a large round silver ring embossed with a pentacle. I took her hand to look closer at the ring. "Wiccan?", I asked. "La Strega", she replied. Strega is short for Stregheria. Italian Witchcraft.   So, now the second stranger I meet this day is another Witch! How cool is that!

We journeyed for each other which we both found a strange, yet very interesting exercise. Afterwards, she said, "Tracy, I do this professionally. I work here at the Open Center." "I have to tell you what I saw", she said.

She told me that she saw me in the center of a circle, dressed in robes, surrounded by dark beings that were pointing arrows at me! Then she said, that she didn't feel that they intended to harm me (hence the arrows), but instead, that they were frightened of me. She said that they were "afraid of your power". Then she said, "You know, you were a Sorceress in a past life". It was then I pulled my pentacle out of my sweater and showed it to her. She smiled and nodded her head knowingly. We talked a while longer and she told me that I needed to continue to pursue my interest in shamanism and asked me to call her so that we could talk more. She was extremely interesting and I am looking forward getting to know her better!

I have to say, it was certainly a day filled with strange and wonderful occurrences.

During the soul retrievals, we are asked to look for our totem animal. When I journeyed for myself, I couldn't seem to connect with any one animal. Then I remembered that Red Tailed Hawk that had visited me that morning and I was struck by the overwhelming feeling that perhaps, I had already found it.

This morning, as I stepped outside to leave my daily offerings, I realized how cold it had gotten during the night. All of the plants on my deck that had long since withered and were covered with frosty morning dew. Just then, something caught my eye. Sitting there amongst the dry, brittle and withered plants, in the exact spot where the Red Tailed Hawk had landed, a single perfect little pansy had bloomed!

What a splendid way to begin the day!

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Wine and...Spirits?

2009-11-18T09:08:00.000-05:00

Merry Meet and Happy Wednesday Family and Friends!

So, every morning (ok, I'm lying), almost every morning, I leave a few simple offerings in the form of wine or mead, incense and flowers to the Elemental Guardians. Elemental Guardians are primal in nature and will behave in whatever manner they see fit with little regard to those of us who seek a harmonious relationship with them. They can often be mischievous and wrathful and considering the damage we have inflicted upon their home, who wouldn't be?!

So, I leave these offerings as a sign of mutual respect and in hopes that it will avoid them attempting to burn or blow down my house, mudslides or avalanches (not likely in New Jersey, but ya never can be too careful) or slipping on dog pee in the middle of the night! Note to the Undines: Not Funny!!!!

I must confess, I was beginning to wonder if the Elemental Spirits really gave a rat's ass that I was making the effort, but then two mornings ago, as I was about to go outside to leave my daily offerings, I noticed something strange in the cup of mead I'd left the day before. There seemed to be a small, bright light shining from inside the cup! At first, I thought I was imagining things. Surely, my eyes were playing tricks on me!

I stepped outside thinking that perhaps this light was the reflection of the sun rising over the house, but that wasn't it. The day was cloudy and overcast. I looked around to see if perhaps the light was coming from inside our house or perhaps from our neighbor's porchlight, but that wasn't it either! As I got closer to the glass, the light faded, but when I returned to the house, it reappeared! I grabbed my camera, fully expecting that when I attempted to get a picture of this strange phenomenon it would disappear, but it didn't!

I really don't know what to make of it, but perhaps it was the Elementals way of saying "Thanks" and "Sorry about the dog pee!

In Darkness, Light!!!

Tracy

Pimpin' My Blog!

2009-11-14T10:15:00.004-05:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

I have been trying forever to update the appearance of my blog and it's been so friggin' frustrating. I love the look of some of my ff's (Favorite Followers) blogs and wondered how I could achieve a similar appearance. Aside from the creativity of their writers, their blogs say so much about them! I visited some of the sites that have blog templates and they are absolutely beautiful! Yet, each time I try to incorporate them into my own, I lose my favorite thing! My Favorite Followers!!!!

I was reading my friend Dennis's blog this morning :::cough, cough::: "SpottedWolfWisdom" and absolutely loved the idea of incorporating my photography into my blog. Being technically challenged, I was just about to write Dennis to find out how to do it, when much to my delight, I discovered it for myself!

I took this photo a day or two ago of this beautiful rose with the Goddess's image in the background! I thought it expressed the theme for my blog perfectly! It's still a work in progress, but I would appreciate your comments and suggestions!

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

When the Student is Ready...

2009-11-09T18:35:00.013-05:00

"the teacher appears"

Merry Meet and Good Evening Family and Friends!

A few nights ago, I had a strange dream, as most dreams often are. I dreamt there was a HUGE Praying Mantis walking across my living room floor. I said it was strange!! But wait..this was no ordinary Praying Mantis. I'm sure most Praying Mantises don't consider themselves ordinary at all, but this friends, was a Praying Mantis of a different color! Most Praying Mantises are green or brown. Not mine. No, mine was an 8 inch long, fluorescent violet and pink Praying Mantis!

I couldn't begin to imagine where this dream came from! I haven't been watching TV of late. No National Geographics or Animal Planet. I don't recall any recent lively discussions about Praying Mantises and I haven't seen one since I was a kid.

In this dream, I remembered thinking that it was very important that I catch the Praying Mantis and put it outside where it would be safe from harm. I grabbed a paper napkin hoping it would climb on, as I've done countless times with other insects that have wandered in uninvited. Despite my efforts, it climbed out of my hand and disappeared somewhere in...my...house! :::cringe:::

This dream haunted me throughout the day. Each time it would slip back into the recesses of my memory, I'd find myself revisiting this freaky little mystical creature! I couldn't help but feel that there was something I needed to learn from it, so I did what any self-respecting Witch would do..I "Googled" Praying Mantis!

What I found in the following description was surprisingly relevant in more ways than I could imagine.

"The Power of Stillness"

The Praying Mantis teaches how to still the outer mind and go within ourselves.

Through this, we can draw upon greater power --
physical, emotional, mental or spiritual.

That stillness can be simple contemplation or meditation or even dreaming.

Healers often have Praying Mantis totems -- for they use
their inner stillness to focus their healing power.

The greatest lesson this totem teaches is patience.
Learning to wait for the right moment before striking.

As some of you know, my husband is recovering from fairly extensive surgery. It has been a stressful time when my focus has been drawn away from my inner stillness and into his healing. Despite the fact that I have found little time to quiet my mind, it has also been a time of stunning manifestaton and psychic awareness.

As I sat on the deck today, meditating and enjoying the beautiful 70 degree weather, I realized it would probably be one of the last we'll see like it this year..and that's ok. For the first time, I'm actually looking forward to Winter's stillness and the return to a journey within. Who knows, perhaps in the Spring...I'll emerge with all the wisdom the Praying Mantis was sent to teach me!

In Darkess, Light!

Tracy

Praying Mantis-Power of Stillness courtesy of http://www.linsdomain.com/totems/pages/prayingmantis.htm

Of Magick and Madness....

2009-11-03T12:29:00.009-05:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

As Pagans, we face an odd sort of dilemma. Some people think we're crazier than a bag of rats! And for some of us, that might actually be true...or not. Therein lies the dilemma!

Here's what I mean. If a Pagan friend tells me that a decision or behavior was guided by their personal Deity, in all likelihood, I would accept it at face value. Pagan or not, I find nothing at all unusual about someone saying that they were influenced by Divine Intervention. However, there's a huge difference between hearing from our Gods as flashes of intuition or inspiration and you know, actually HEARING from them! If the communication with one's Deities comes in the form of actual auditory or visual manifestations....Houston, we may have a problem!

I will tell you a true story of a Pagan gentleman, an intelligent, accomplished professional, who began to complain that his "Spirit Guides" were becoming bothersome to him. His partner, did exactly what I would have done, accepted this as part of his charm and spiritual personality. He would often say things like, "this rock told me it wants to live on my altar" or "that tree is feeling sad". Ok, well, nothing wrong there. Shamans communicate with nature elements all the time. And I mean seriously, how many times has a piece of chocolate looked you square in the face and said, "Eat Me".

Unfortunately, as his behavior became increasingly bizarre, it became apparent that his communications with the Gods were actually hallucinations and he was in the midst of psychotic break! For even those closest to him, the reaction was the same, "Who knew?!".

Obviously, this kind of thing is not exclusive to Pagans. I just believe that some behaviors are much easier to overlook amongst Pagans because we are so accepting of diversity in beliefs, even within our own community. What the outside world might consider bizarre behavior, is perfectly reasonable to us. Rituals, Magick, casting spells, sharp and pointy ceremonial knives, are all things that are common to our practice.

I recently read the symptoms of a diagnosed schizophrenic who would see signs in everything in nature. Ok, well, I look for signs and omens all the time. The difference, I believe, is not that we perceive signs, but how profoundly those signs impact on our daily lives. I might see a smiley face on a broken candle, but I am also able to distinguish that it only "looks" like a smiley face. It may also just be a broken candle that is dripping wax. I prefer to look at it as a sign, but am also open to all the more mundane possibilities. The number "13", black cats, walking under ladders, broken mirrors? These are all "signs" that are commonly accepted as ominous in our culture and yet, to perceive them as such is not considered a symptom of mental instability, but merely superstition.

As occultists, our sanity is often open to the scrutiny of those who are plagued by fear and misconceptions about what we actually do. I'm sure that those very same individuals would be more than a little surprised to learn that, in some Wiccan circles (no pun intended), having undergone psychological counseling is actually a requirement. Health of mind, body and spirit is a fundamental part of what makes us Pagans.

Our minds are capable of manifesting miracles or plunging us into the depths of despair. I believe that the healthiest among us are those who have mastered the skill of walking that fine line between both Worlds.

In Darkness, Light!!

Tracy

Things That Crack Me Up!

2009-10-31T14:17:00.007-04:00

Merry Meet Again, Family and Friends!

So, if you read my last entry, then you know that when I'd lit the black pillar candle on my altar in honor of my ancestors, the glass surrounding the candle cracked.

My husband, will almost always look for a plausible explanation for the unexplainable! It's very frustrating!

"Tracy, the temperature in the room where the candle was kept the was cold, so when you lit the candle, the heat made the glass expand and it cracked", he said. Ok, well, the room is a bit chiller than the rest of the house, but we really haven't had any cold weather yet. Still what he said made sense and left me slightly disappointed, doubting whether something supernatural had occurred at all.

I left the candles burning on my altar and later in the morning, as I passed by, I noticed that the cracked candle looked strange, as if the glass itself was beginning to melt! "That's not possible", I thought! It's a candle flame, not a friggin' blow torch!!! When I knelt down to take a closer look, I noticed that the wax was beginning to seep through the cracks in the glass and had formed what resembled...

a pair of lips with a knowing little smirk!

I called Ray and the kids to come look and they agreed! Later, as we were making lunch, I told Ray, "You know, that was my sister, right?" Without a moment of hesitation, he said, "Yeah, I know. She always did have a twisted sense of humor." So much for reasonable explanations!

Happy Halloween!

Tracy

The Doorway

2009-10-31T11:29:00.006-04:00

Photo courtesy of Tracy Frasche

The Doorway the 11:11

This can presently be perceived

as a crack between two worlds.

It is like a bridge

which has the inherent potential

of linking together

two very different spirals of energy.

As we unite together as One,

bringing together our fragments of the key,

we not only create the key,

but we make visible the Doorway.

Thus this bridge functions

as an invisible door

or a doorway into the Invisible realm.

The 11:11 is the bridge

To an entirely different spiral of evolution.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

Have I mentioned that this is my all time favorite holiday?

Today, October 31st, doesn't only represent the traditional celebration of Halloween, but one of the eight major Wiccan Sabbats. Today, we celebrate, Samhain.

Samhain lore tells us that this is the time when the veil between the living and the dead is most thin. This morning, as I do every Samhain morning, I set up an altar to my ancestors, those loved one's who have crossed the veil.

It's a simple altar. I use a black altar cloth embossed with a silver pentacle, two black glass enclosed pillar candles, Samhain incense and photos of my ancestors and pets who have crossed.

This morning, I had an epiphany! I just knew I needed to light the altar candles at exactly 11:11 a.m. I know there are many interpretations of those numbers. I'm not sure which of those I agree with, I just knew that it was important that I acknowledge my beloved dead at exactly that time.

I patiently watched the clock and then lit both black pillars at exactly the right moment. A second or two into this process as I struggled with a particularly uncooperative incense, I heard a resounding snap coming from one of the candles. If you know anything about or have used 7 day pillar candles, they can be left burning, for ya know, 7 days, so obviously they are made to withstand the heat of the flame. At closer inspection of the candle, I realized that the glass enclosing the pillar had cracked! The incense, which I've used before, then began filling the room with the most beautifully ethereal swirls of smoke I've ever seen.

Today, we honor those loved ones who have gone before us, remembering that only our love for them is strong enough to pierce the veil.

Blessed Samhain!

Tracy

P.S. After this writing, I did some further research on the numbers 11:11 and found the verse listed above, along with this very interesting accompanying website:

http://globalpsychics.com/enlightening-you/numerology/1111.shtml

5th Annual NJ Witches' Ball

2009-10-27T12:22:00.004-04:00

Devyn Joseph Michael Barat and I will be officiating as High Priest and High Priestess for this ritual.

Please click on the Image for full poster!

5TH ANNUAL NJ WITCHES' BALL
November 6th, 8PM - 12 Midnight
Halloween Masquerade Dinner and Dance Fundraiser To Benefit PAWS of Montclair
Presented by Mystic Spirit Metaphysical Shoppe and Everything Akasha
At the Church Street Kitchen, 12 Church Street, Montclair, NJ

$50 includes Samhain ritual, DJ music, appetizers, buffet dinner, dessert, coffee, beer and wine.
Samhain ritual performed by The Northern NJ Pagan Fellowship.
Tarot reading $20 for 15 minutes.
Tricky Tray (Raffle tickets $3 each or 5 for $10)
You don't have to dress up but it is highly recommended. Costume prizes.
Must be 21 to drink.

November 6th is the actual cross quarter day of Samhain this year.

Tickets must be bought in advance at Mystic Spirit
Buy your tickets now!

Last year we raised $2,115 to benefit PAWS Animal Shelter.
Check out the pictures from our 4th Annual Witches Ball

True Tales For The Season of the Veil...

2009-10-20T07:19:00.036-04:00

Merry Meet and Most Blessed Samhain Family and Friends!

Recently, I saw the movie, "Paranormal Activity" and while I won't spoil the fun for those who have yet to see it, I can't say I found it, as promised, the "scariest movie of the decade". Actually, I haven't seen a really scary movie in a very, very long time. Or perhaps I'm just...paranormally challenged.

I will explain by saying that I lived in our family home from birth, until I married at 26 years of age. I can tell you, with absolute honesty, that there was never a moment in those 26 years when I felt comfortable being there alone. I will also admit, that to this day, I can not sleep without some kind of light coming into the bedroom.

I would often listen with a mixture of rapt terror and morbid fascination as my family shared tales of "unexplained phenomenon". My sister took great pleasure, as older siblings often do, in describing the vivid details of her own ghostly encounters. Even more frightening however, was when I'd go to my parents hoping to have them dismiss her stories as fabrication, I'd be met with uncomfortable silences or vague mumblings about there being "no such thing as ghosts". Yet, their own discomfort was palpable. Still, I did my best to convince myself that my sister was just trying to scare me. After all, I'd never seen or experienced any of these things for myself. Yet.

I recall my sister telling me a story of waking in the middle of the night to see a woman, dressed in white, passing by foot of her bed, carrying a candle.

I remember my Aunt telling us of waking to see her sister kneeling at her bedside praying, only to realize a moment later, that her sister was sleeping soundly in her own bed.

One of my first experiences came while I was walking past my parent's bedroom and heard a growling coming from beneath their bed. It was one of the rare occasions that I can remember not having any pets and no one else was in the room at the time. I convinced myself that I was...hearing things.

I would occasionally sense a shadowy presence in the corner just outside my bedroom door. When I told my mother, instead of reassuring me that I was, Oh, I don't know, losing my mind, she hung a small crucifix in the spot where I felt the presence. I never saw it again.

One evening, long after I'd gone to bed, I awoke to hear my sister calling my name. She had just been showering, so I couldn't imagine why she'd be calling. A moment later we were all jolted from our beds by a blood curdling scream. My father, who was very modest around his daughters, was standing in the middle of the kitchen in his boxers. My mother and I rushed in to find my terrified sister, a whiter shade of pale. She said that when she attempted to leave the bathroom, she couldn't open the door. She said she'd felt someone (or something) holding it from the other side. She thought it was me! It wasn't.

I remember one night during a particularly violent thunderstorm, we lost power. Well, with one small exception. The radio we had in the bedroom turned itself on and was blaring at full volume. While my mother went to get a flashlight, I fumbled my way through the darkness to find the radio and turn it off. I found the radio, but despite pressing the button, it continued to play. I felt for the power cord and was about to pull it from the wall when I realized...ooops, it wasn't plugged in.

On another occasion, my Mother had been washing her hair in the bathroom sink when she felt someone tap her on the back. "Gina?", she called, presuming it was her grand-daughter. No reply. Her hair was covered in lather, so she was unable to open her eyes without getting shampoo in them. A moment later, she felt another tap, this time a little more insistent. "What do you want, Gina?", she said, as she felt for around for a towel. Again, no response. This time, the tap was even harder and she spun around, water streaming down her face, only to find that she was alone in the room. She said it was one of the few times she was truly frightened.

The memory of my sister's "bathroom incident" had become a distant one. Then late one evening, after I'd finished getting ready for bed, I attempted to leave the bathroom, only to find that the door wouldn't open. Suspecting that I had just forgotten to unlock it, I turned latch, but the door knob wouldn't turn. I looked down at the lock to realize that the door had already been unlocked! I stood there, my body paralyzed with the shock of white hot fear. I couldn't move, I couldn't breath. When I finally found the courage, I grabbed the doorknob and pushed the door open as hard as I could! I went sailing out into the kitchen and found myself alone. Afterwards, I left the door slightly ajar any time I was by myself in the house.

Shortly before we married and I moved from my childhood home, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a drink. There was door just outside my bedroom which led to the stairwell to my Aunts' apartment on the floor below. It was about 3 a.m. I sleepily shuffled past by the door and as I did, I heard three short, but very distinct...knocks. "Who would be knocking at this hour?", I wondered. Surely it wasn't one of the Aunts. They never knocked! A few steps from the door was my parent's bedroom, with a window that looked out onto the stairwell. I cautiously peered around the corner into their room, praying that I would see a light shining through the window and one of the Aunts standing in the hallway. It was pitch black. There was no way anyone (or at least, ya know, anyone human) could find their way up those stairs in the darkness, so there was no friggin' way I was going to look out the window to see who or what, was knocking! I hauled my ass back to my room so fast I swear my feet never touched the floor, bolting the lock on the door as I flew by!

Despite the supernatural drama, leaving the home I grew up in proved to be bittersweet. After we married, Ray and I rented an apartment on the first floor of an older two family home. It was a lovely place with gleaming hardwood floors and a beautiful working fireplace. The rent was surprisingly affordable and we were thrilled to have found our "perfect" first home.

One night after we'd moved in, I awoke to hear him calling my name from another room. Before I could respond, he came back to bed asking, "what were you doing up?" "What was he talking about", I wondered. I hadn't been up, I told him. He said that he thought he'd heard me in the kitchen. By the following morning, the incident had been forgotten.

A short time later, I woke up during the night to use the bathroom, when I heard what sounded like all the kitchen cabinets and drawers being opened. I suspected it was Ray rummaging for chocolate. "Ray", I called. The house was suddenly quiet. "Ray", I called again. I walked out of the bathroom, to find the cabinets were closed, the kitchen was dark and eerily silent and Ray, was just where I'd left him, sound asleep.

A month or so after we'd moved in, our landlady came by to see how we were enjoying our new home. I casually mentioned what had happened, curious to see how she'd react. I saw her eyes soften and a small, sad smile came over her face. It was then she told us how we came to rent our lovely little place.

Up until recently, the apartment had been occupied by her father, who had just passed away.

As I share these tales, I can still sense the ghosts of my childhood that linger in the dark corners of my mind. Let it suffice to say that I'll be leaving the lights on tonight and the bathroom door slightly ajar.

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Playing With Matches...

2009-10-14T10:56:00.008-04:00

"Do not lay your personal power at the feet of another".

Merry Meet and Happy Morning Family and Friends!

So, occasionally I will cross reference my rune castings with an online divination tool called Graven Image Oracle. It's an interesting site in which you meditate on a card before receiving the answer to your query. And while I take all online forms of divination with a grain of salt, I like this one because inputting your question is not required, which means the outcome isn't being generated by a specific question, word or phase.

Very often, I am warned of laying my personal power at the feet of another. What does that mean exactly?

I think there are many ways that this might be interpreted. Something as simple as agreeing with someone to a avoid conflict, not standing up for yourself or allowing someone to pressure you into doing something out of sense of obligation are some things that come to mind. In my humble opinion, any time you knowingly allow yourself to be taken advantage of, for whatever reason and to varying degrees, you are laying your personal power at the feet of another. That doesn't necessarily mean that there is always malice afoot. At times, we lay our personal power aside simply for the sake of friendship.

There are however, some people who will knowingly try to tap into your personal power. They believe they know you well enough to have insight or control over the outcome of a particular situation, especially if they tend to benefit from that outcome. Not so much.

"With a fool no season spend or be counted as his friend".

There is a simple way to avoid this...it's called, common sense. People who are intentionally looking to take advantage of your good nature or personal power will almost always slip up. Why? Because no matter how adept they consider themselves to be, dependent upon the degree of their personal interest in the outcome, without realizing it, their own impatience will often give them away. Alternatively, at times, they are so convinced of their abilities that they simply fail to keep in mind one of the basic tenets of Witchery...to "Keep Silent".

"Light of eye and soft of touch, speak ye little, listen much"

These are not just nice pieces of poetic literature, folks. They are from the Rede of the Wiccae and probably one of the first things that we learn as Wiccans. Certainly, there are some that would argue that as a result of how much Wicca has evolved over the past 60 years, the Rede has outgrown it's usefulness. Not so much. One of the first things we learn as children is not to play with matches. We may have since learned the way to safely handle the flame, but if we become careless or arrogant, convincing ourselves that we can predict it's reaction, getting burned becomes a reality. Seriously.

I must confess that, at times, I have failed miserably at adhering to the lessons of the Rede of the Wiccae. As the Oracle suggests, I have, indeed, knowingly lain my personal power at the feet of others. That said, I'm a work in progress and like a child playing with matches, I've learned never to under estimate the "personal power" of the flame.

Played with any matches lately?

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Not Just A Little Something Good...

2009-09-26T08:06:00.013-04:00

Merry Meet and Brightest Blessings Friends and Family!

Firstly, I beg your patience, because there is no way this to abbreviate this tale.

That said, I need to begin by making a confession. I had begun to take for granted my many, many blessings. Sorrows, past and present and the usual stress and unpleasantries of daily life began swirling like an ill wind around me, vying for a place amongst all the wonderful things that have happened. I am ashamed to admit that, at times, I allowed these things to overshadow my perception of what was really important.

On a beautiful Friday morning, two weeks ago, I sat gazing out the window and prayed silently, "We need something good to happen in our lives. Not just a little something good, but really spectacularly fucking good". Without realizing it, in that moment, I had broken one of the most basic rules of magickal practice, "be specific".

The following afternoon, my husband had planned to attend a Hindu dance recital being performed by one of his students. He was really excited about it. I however, felt unusually uneasy about him going. It was raining quite hard, it was a fairly long drive and my son would be traveling with him. We argued about it for most of the morning.

A few minutes before they were to leave, my husband announced, "I think I'm going to the hospital". "What's wrong?", I asked. I had been having vague premonitions about this very scenario for months, which I foolishly decided to chalk up to anxiety. I already knew his answer. "I'm having chest pain", he replied. "Get in the car, NOW!", I demanded, and drove 50 mph the block and a half to the hospital

Now, this is exactly the kind of thing my husband would have just blown off as being insignificant, so the fact that he was even telling me at all meant that he was truly alarmed. Once at the hospital however, it was quickly determined that he wasn't having a heart attack, but needed to be monitored for several hours and have lab work repeated just to be certain.

During that time, the ER shifts changed and we were assigned a new physician. "Hi, I'm Dr. Meyers, I'll be taking over your care", he announced. So, you have abdominal pain?" My husband and I quickly exchanged worried glances. "No", my husband replied, "I'm having chest pain". "Did he NOT read the fucking chart?", I wondered. "Oh yeah, chest pain", he replied. I felt nauseous.

The new doctor reiterated the plan of action. They would be repeating the blood work and if all was normal, we would be discharged. The previous tests were all good, so we were hopeful. Then he took things a step further and ordered a chest x-ray and CAT scan of the chest. My husband is a former smoker and given that his mother died of lung cancer 30 years after she had quit smoking, my anxiety level just rose to something akin to "Red" on the Homeland Security Terrorism Threat Advisory Scale.

After all was said and done, Dr. Meyers came in to report, "Well, your CAT scan was normal and if the blood checks out, we'll be sending you home". To say the very least, we were relieved. Things however, were about to become...surreal.

He returned a short time later with a team of hospital personnel who began unhooking my husband from the cardiac monitor. "Well, your blood work looks good, he said. "We're sending you home, but...you have a mass in your lung"

Wait! What did he just say? We both shot him a look of shocked disbelief! He did not just say "a mass in your lung!", did he? Hadn't he just said the CAT scan was normal!? There had to be a mistake!! Was he even looking at the right patient's CAT scan?! No, he was wrong! He HAD to be WRONG!!! I felt as if I might pass out!

"Are you sure?", I demanded. "Is it a mass or a nodule?", I asked. "No, it's a mass", he said. You know, there was a time when I considered myself unshockable, but what he said next was something even I couldn't fathom coming from the lips of a physician. "Listen, the mass is not going to kill him right away", he said. "The important thing is having him seen by a cardiologist first thing on Monday morning, then follow up with a Pulmonologist". "Maybe they'll just "watch" it for six months". At that point, I actually considered the possibility that this person had to be a psychiatric patient who had wandered off the ward, taken the elevator to the ER, grabbed a white coat and was pretending to be a doctor!

Afterwards, I'm pretty sure we were discharged. At least, I sort of remembered a disembodied walk down the corridor of the ER. I stopped our nurse on the way out. "How big is the mass?", I asked. 4.6 centimeters, was her reply. "Good Luck", she said. Her tone was more one of sympathy than sincerity. I shook and gagged on the ride home. Neither of us slept much that night.

I woke up on Sunday morning with the words, "lung tumor' echoing in my mind like some kind of twisted mantra. Alone, I paced the house...not knowing what to do first. My mind played a continuous stream of the worst possible scenarios. After 30 years in the field of medicine, several lung cancer diagnoses amongst family and friends, I can tell you that none of these were beyond the scope of possibility. I felt desperate to know what we were dealing with, yet terrified to possess that knowledge.

I was so distraught that I was physically ill. I desperately needed to calm down enough to take control of both my emotions and the situation.

I admit it, I'm no fucking hero. I called my boss to ask for a prescription for Valium. I told him that my husband was diagnosed with a lung mass and despite him speaking to the ER physician the evening before, he had no idea. He asked me for my pharmacy number and told me he'd call me back. And so he did, a short time later, but what he had done was so much better than any little yellow pill I could have asked for. Not only had he reviewed the CAT scan himself, but he contacted Dr. Robert Korst, the Thoracic Surgeon who was to perform my husband's surgery. Dr. Korst was kind enough to take the time to review the CAT scan on a Sunday morning. Have I mentioned that I love these men?

What we learned was that there was a tumor, the size of a silver dollar, that was "squatting like a toad" in my husband's chest, very close to his spinal column. They weren't sure if the tumor was in his lung or the chest wall. What was certain was that it needed to be removed immediately and it was to be major thoracic surgery. The good news was that the Thoracic surgeon was "fairly certain" that it was something called a "benign neurogenic tumor". We clung to the word, "benign" like our fucking lives depended on it...because they did.

The surgery took place this Monday past, via the VATS (Video Assisted Thoroscopic Surgery) procedure. The initial surgery went well, but was more complex than was initially thought. The next day, it was determined that Ray had a "bleeder" (a small area of internal bleeding) and needed to be brought back to the OR for a second surgery. That surgery went well, the bleeding stopped and he was discharged from the hospital a day later.

On Friday morning, the "not just a little something good, but really spectacularly fucking good", that I'd asked for came into our lives.

From my lips to the ears of the Gods, the tumor was completely benign.

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

P.S. Dr. Meyers, the ER physician, turn out not to be a psychiatric patient as we'd suspected, but instead, was actually an angel in disguise.

I have....New Jersey!

2009-09-02T16:47:00.005-04:00

Merry Meet and Happy Wednesday Family and Friends!

So, today was one of those days that, no matter what else is going on, I needed to pause, give thanks for my blessings, and have a couple of glasses of wine!

Over the past several years, I've been followed closely by a Pulmonologist. As some of you know, my sister, Leslie, passed away from a lung disease about 8 years ago. Since her illness has a familial form, meaning one that can be carried genetically, I need to be monitored for any changes in my pulmonary status.

Everything was fine, until 2 years ago when a pulmonary nodule was found on my chest x-ray. It was very small, but because the radiologist reported the finding, I needed to be followed for the next three years with CAT scans to insure that it remained stable.

The first CAT scan confirmed that there was a 2 mm nodule and then a year later, confirmed that it was "unchanged". Last year, when I was supposed to have my final CAT scan, it was denied by my insurance carrier. Why? Because I had no symptoms. Now, if I had symptoms and a nodule in my lung, it could be a bad thing, but since I only had the nodule, they decided not to cover it.

Well, my Pulmonologist and I both argued with the insurance carrier to no avail. What I now find really amusing is that one of the diagnoses that my physician used to support the necessity for my CAT scan was the fact that I live in New Jersey". I shit you not...living in New Jersey is actually considered a health risk! Still, my request to have my CAT scan covered by insurance was denied.

Now, common sense should have prevailed and I should have just paid for it myself, but our finances simply could not bear the burden of a $1200.00 medical bill at the time. Besides, I concluded, I don't smoke, was having a blast, feeling well, so I assumed I was probably ok.

Then I learned that someone I love very much was diagnosed with lung cancer and suddenly, I realized all the possible implications of having blown off that follow up CAT scan! Several panic attacks later, I called my pulmonologist for an appointment.

It's customary to have a chest x-ray as a prerequisite to my appointment. My first order of business after doing so is trying to read it myself. This only heightens my anxiety because, let's face it, I have no fucking idea what I'm looking at and even a normal chest x-ray looks bad to a neurotic mind! Shortly thereafter, I rush it over to my doctor's office, where after several more panic attacks, he calls me to tell me whether or not I can stop freaking out! Ya just gotta love a doctor who indulges his patient's neuroses!

When I had my chest x-ray a few of weeks ago, I was nervous. Really, nervous. The x-ray technician asked if I was coughing or having any symptoms. I explained that I wasn't and that I was just following up a "stable" pulmonary nodule, convincing myself that if I referred to it as "stable", it would be. I was also convinced that the technician's demeanor had changed after she viewed the x-ray and hoped I was just imagining it.

This time, I wasn't so sure I really wanted to know the results, so instead of rushing the films over to my Pulmonologist, I plopped them on the dining room hutch where they sat, for three weeks, staring at me, until today when I went in for my appointment.

Sitting in the waiting room was excruciating! And by the time my doctor came in to the exam room, I was in a cold sweat. I examined his face for signs that he was about to give me bad news. He began by asking me if I had any changes, coughing, shortness of breath, change in endurance level. "Why was he asking me this?", I wondered. The fact that these were normal, routine questions never entered my mind. I began to feel nauseous. "No, no and no, I reported. Then I blurted, "but I'm freaking out!". I told him how worried I was about missing last year's CAT scan, about my friend's illness and how I still had no idea what the chest x-ray showed! He nonchalantly flipped open my chart and said, matter of factly, "Oh, your chest x-ray was perfectly normal. No signs of fibrosis. No nodules". I let out the breath that I had been holding for the past three weeks.

Then suddenly I realized, I was...livid pissed! I was pissed at myself for not being more proactive in my health care. I was pissed on both my sister and my friend's behalves. I began bombarding my poor Pulmonologist with a million questions. "What were they doing to detect lung cancer at the earliest stages?" "What were the advances in it's treatment?". "What about routine chest x-rays?" Was there anything new in the treatment of my sister's disease?" "Should I have genetic testing?". And finally, "If the insurance companies will only cover the cost of my CAT fucking scan if I'm already sick, what was the point of having them? Oh yes, I did!

He was clearly amused, yet sympathetic and spent the next 25 minutes answering all of my questions in a patient, humorous manner and then he said, "tell your friend, not all cancer diagnoses are as bad as they sound and don't worry about your CAT scans, you don't need any more". Have I mentioned, I love this man!

I stepped outside after leaving his office, wondering how I missed the fact that it was such a glorious the day. Just as I was about to let out a sigh of relief and take in a cool breath of air, I thought....

"Holy Crap!!! I gotta get out of New Jersey!"

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Serenity Happens....

2009-08-26T08:04:00.015-04:00

Merry Meet and Blessings Family and Friends!

"It wasn't supposed to happen this way".

A friend and I wept with the truth carried by those words. They echoed a sentiment my heart has come to know all too well.

Bad things shouldn't happen to good people. Bad shit should only happen to bad people. Yeah, right! Perhaps in a perfect World.

Bad things happen. Period. I really don't believe that we can necessarily contribute those things to bad luck, falling into bad karma, negative magick. To assume that our Deities are putting us through tests of strength or endurance is nothing more than arrogance. I suspect that the Gods have better things to do than to indulge the over inflated egos of mere mortals.

Let's face it though, when something goes horribly wrong in our lives, we often feel the need to lay the blame somewhere, because the possibility that awful things just randomly happen...would be inconceivable.

My mother and sister died within 6 months of each other and while they had both suffered from long term serious and terminal illnesses, that knowledge brought me only minimal comfort. And just when I didn't think things could possibly get worse, my Dad was diagnosed with cancer and within 15 months, I had lost my entire family.

"What the fuck?!", I thought", totally convinced that I was being punished for something I done, that I was cursed or that it was retribution for some huge karmic debt held over from this, as well as every one of my past lives! I remember thinking, "I must have been a horrible person in another life" It wasn't supposed to happen this way! Or perhaps...it was.

I truly believe that there are reasons for everything we experience and for those in our lives that experience it with us. That is not to say that our lives are predestined, only that there are things that we need to experience, directly or indirectly, either for our own personal growth, to prepare us to deal with some future event or perhaps to help others do the same. These things are just part of the soul's evolutionary process; those lessons that are necessary for the next phase of the soul's journey. So what lesson came to me from all this? Well, I learned that, when I had to be, I was stronger than I ever believed humanly possible.

The energy we expend trying to figure out why bad things happen or who or what is responsible is the ultimate exercise in futility. I've since learned that when when I'm presented with a difficult life situation or worse, one that sucks to a mind blowing degree, the first thing I do is look at it from the best and worst case scenarios. Then, I learn everything I possibly can to prepare for both. After all, knowledge is power! I concentrate all the energy that would have been wasted on trying to figure out who to blame, on what I can do to make the situation better. This immediately puts the control back in my hands. If there isn't anything I can do from a mundane standpoint, I consider what I might be able to do spiritually or magickally and I do it! And...I don't fuck around! I think this is where magick is monumentally beneficial and so much better than sitting around worrying about the outcome while merely hoping for the best.

Still, there comes a time when we need to accept that what, "wasn't supposed to happen this way" did, and may be beyond the scope of what we can influence without Divine Intervention. I believe that therein lies the lesson.

When I was a kid, my Mom taught me a little prayer for those times when I need to be reminded of this lesson.

"Hecate, grant me the serenity to accept the the things I can not change, bring your power to my magick to change the things I can and your wisdom to know the difference".

OK, well, maybe not EXACTLY the way Mom taught me! :)

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

That Old Black Magick!

2009-08-20T22:02:00.007-04:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends!

So, today I heard yet another news report about a horrendous murder that the media is contributing to use of "Black Magic". This has to be the fourth in as many weeks. Then last night, I tuned into one of my favorite shows, "A Haunting". The episode was about a woman and her son who were plagued by "Sprites", after the woman, who was practicing Wicca, admitted, "I guess I really didn't know what I was dealing with". Oh for the love of nerve!

Now ya gotta know, this is just the kind of hype the media lives for. The fact is however, magick is neither black nor white, it's all in how you use it. What one considers "Black Magick" is nothing more than focused energy with a negative intent. And if someone has ever pissed you off to the point you wished that they get exactly what they deserve, guess what? You've just practiced negative magick. That's called, "Black Wishing" and taking a wild guess here, we've all done it.

We're talking magick here folks and whether you believe in it or not, the possibilities are as limitless as one's imagination. You don't have to be Wiccan or a Witch to use it either. That said, if you're going to indulge in the occult arts, I'll give you my unsolicited two cents. Firstly, know what the hell you're doing and be prepared for the consequences.

Let's be honest though, if magick worked to that degree of accuracy every time we used it, we would all be married to our soul mates, be wealthy, beautiful, the World would be free of disease and poverty and all our enemies would be infested with the fleas of a thousand friggin' camels! If someone commits a horrendous crime, it's not necessarily because they're practicing negative magick, it's because they're crazier than a bag of rats!

Still, there is a ton of literature and a bunch of naive, unstable or pissed off people out there who are more than willing to pick up a book and delve into the darkest areas of magick without ever thinking about the implications. What you have is unharnessed energy in the hands of an idiot with a book.

I'll tell you a little tale of the first spell I'd ever cast. I had just learned that my Dad was suffering with terminal cancer. I knew that a cure was not possible, so I cast a spell for what I believed was "for the good of all". That being, that he suffer not a moment of pain throughout the duration of his illness.

I hadn't been practicing very long at that point, so I didn't think it necessary to cast a protective circle or call quarters or shield myself in any way. I just called upon the Goddess Hecate and winged it! I knew very little about Hecate at that point, with the exception that she was very powerful and was known as the "The Queen of the Witches". Given the magnitude of my request, I needed this to work and didn't care what I needed to do to get it. So, with all the emotion and intent I could muster, I cast my spell, somewhat skeptical of it's success and giving little thought to it afterward.

The next day, I woke up feeling, not.quite.right. It felt like the flu. "Hmmmm.....strange, I thought, maybe it was something I ate". Well, by that evening, I had a high fever, a violent headache, a rash that had now spread all over my body, cough, abdominal pain. I was terrified! I couldn't remember ever feeling worse! I ended up in the Emergency Room, where the doctors suspected meningitis, but were actually taking out medical journals to try to determine what the hell I had. I was ill for two weeks, no one ever did figure it out. My Dad, passed away 9 months later with an arsenal of narcotics for pain in his refrigerator that he never needed to take. Was it worth it? I would do it again in a heart beat, just a little more wisely.

I guess my best advice would be know yourself, know and practice your craft wisely and without ego, be clear about your purpose and intent, acknowledge and honor your Deities. There is nothing more humbling than having your ass kicked by the Dark Mother!

Most importantly, Magick does works and often in the way we least expect it!

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Further Proof....

2009-08-14T19:04:00.005-04:00

That Jesus is everywhere!

My apologies in advance. My son, Justin, was behind this (no pun intended!)

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

P.S. I'm so going to hell for this!!! Oh wait, I don't believe in hell. Never mind.

Strange Days Indeed!

2009-08-10T11:18:00.010-04:00

Merry Meet and Happy Monday Family and Friends!

So last night I didn't sleep well at all. Just as had begun to fall asleep, I began to hear the faint rumble of thunder in the distance. "Oh that's just great!", I thought to myself. My dogs are terrified of storms and become very restless during them. Usually all four dogs will either huddle under my bed or pace around the room panting and whining until the storm passes. This storm was odd in that the thunder began a couple of hours before it developed into anything significant. I finally fell asleep somewhere close to 2 a.m.

It didn't occur to me until I looked at the clock this morning that, "Oh crap! It's Monday!". I had overslept and now would get a late start getting ready for work. For the next hour so, I rushed about and finally realizing that, since there was no way I was ever going to get to work on time, I might as well be really late. I decided to walk.

I enjoy walking to work. I listen to the birds sing, connect with the elements and just lose myself in thought. I find that by the time I arrive at my office, things don't appear to suck quite as much as I originally thought! Besides, stressed out and pissed off is never a good way to start the day!

I had just turned my first corner, when I noticed three men in dark suits standing in front of a small church near our home. "Church services? On a Monday morning?", I wondered. Then I noticed a hearse parked at the curb. This, in retrospect, seemed appropriate given the way the day began.

The men were chatting directly in the center of the sidewalk where I needed to pass, which was vaguely awkward. I felt it would be rude not to acknowledge them, but what was I supposed to say? "Good Morning" didn't really feel appropriate under the circumstances.

As I passed by the hearse, I got a decidedly creepy feeling. Then, as I approached the men, as if choreographed, they all stepped aside to let me pass by and in unison said, "Good Morning!". Ok, so perhaps it was the lack of sleep or the weirdness of the situation, but at that moment, I just found this all really friggin' amusing. "Apparently not for some of us", I responded before I could stop myself. Oooops! Outside voice!

Thankfully almost all of us found it amusing!

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

Out of the Blue!

2009-08-08T08:12:00.010-04:00

Merry Meet and Greetings Family and Friends!

So, you know how I recently wrote about my learning to work with spirit guides? Well, at some point after one receives their second degree Reiki attunement, their spirit guides may make an appearance. Now, I have to be honest, I am nothing if not open-minded. I am a true believer in afterlife communication because I've experienced it first hand and have an "open door" policy when it comes to visits from the dead people, but the whole "spirit guide" thing? Meh...I was beginning to have my doubts.

My Reiki Masters made many suggestions for how we might connect with these beings, and I've tried all of them! Guided meditations, Shamanic Journeying, pleading, whining. I got nothing! I've had better luck with dead people, dammit! I was beginning to suspect that if my spirit guides really did exist, they were just not that into me!

A few nights ago, I sat down to do my own Reiki healing. The more one connects to the Universal Life Force Energy, the more potent and powerful it is becomes, so I try to practice daily. I put on my favorite meditation CD, lit some incense, closed my eyes and began to connect to the energy. The beautiful full moon shining down on me through the window added it's own energy to the experience.

After about a half hour of blissful Reiki-ing, suddenly, out of no where, came a flash of brilliant blue light surrounding the profile of a woman's face! The woman, a Victorian lady, looked to be in her early 30's, with a lovely, serene expression. However, she wasn't anyone I recognized.

Imagine, if you will, an antique photograph, yellowed by age, in which the subject's facial features and hair are clearly defined, but the remainder of the photo is pale and faded. Now imagine this photo instead, vibrant blue, and you will have a fairly accurate description of what I'd just experienced!

I felt no fear whatsoever, but kept my eyes tightly closed both to hold the visual and because I wasn't really sure I was ready to open them to find her, ya know, standing in the middle of my living room!

"Was this my spirit guide?", I wondered, which my stunned senses translated as, "Holy friggin' crap!". Yet, before I could even begin wrapping my mind around the possibilities, the words that have manifested themselves in my life more often and more dramatically than I could have ever imagined came to mind with stunning clarity...

"When the student is ready, the teacher appears!"

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy

And Sow, We Reap

2009-08-04T14:27:00.007-04:00

Merry Meet Family and Friends,

This past weekend, I participated in two Lammas celebrations. Lammas marks the first harvest of the year, is one of three celebrated harvest festivals and heralds the coming of Autumn. It's also a time of reflection upon what we've accomplished or the blessings we have reaped in our lives.

One of rituals I attended was held in a beautiful 65 acre nature center adjacent to a wildlife preserve. After the rites had ended, I was sitting next to the fire, listening to the birds singing. Twilight would soon be approaching and I decided to take a walk down a path through the woods to see if I could spot the first little bats of the evening. I love bats!

I walked only a short distance when there, directly in the center of the path, stood a young tree that created a natural crossroads to what lie ahead. I considered choosing a path, but instead decided to honor someone who has, often in less than subtle ways, guided me along the way. Hecate, the Goddess of the Crossroads.

It is customary to leave food at the crossroads as an offering to Hecate, so I ran back to the pavilion where the ritual had taken place, snatched a mini muffin off the table and headed back down the path. I also brought with me, a single yellow rose.

When I arrived back, I knelt down to lay the rose and the offering at the base of the tree, only to discovered a large toadstool that had also created a perfect little natural altar for me to lay my gifts upon..and so I did.

I looked past the trees, gave thanks for my accomplishments, my blessings, the people in my life who have encouraged and inspired me and wondered what might await me on the path beyond. I realized then that perhaps for today, I had gone as far enough. For now, I am exactly where I was meant to be.

Pursuing My Passions...

2009-08-03T08:09:00.003-04:00

Merry Meet Friends and Family:

My friend and fellow writer Voodoo Child came up with a brilliant idea to interview one occultist per month and post it on her blog site. She has honored me by including me for the month of July as her first interview.

If you have reading me for a while than you have heard me rave about her blog! She is a fascinating lady who has inspired me to pursue my own interests in rootwork.

I strongly encourage you to check out her site at VoodooChild at www.passionrituals.blogspot.com.

In Darkness, Light!!

Tracy

Some Things In Life...

2009-07-30T17:49:00.002-04:00

I just can't be sorry for!

Oh yeah, I went there! Enjoy!

No New Hope for the Confused!

2009-07-26T20:03:00.016-04:00

Merry Meet again, Family and Friends!

So this Saturday, we took a drive to New Hope, Pennsylvania. New Hope is a quaint little place with an awesome vibe, about an hour and a half from our home in New Jersey. There are funky little shops, great places to eat and while at times it can be a little touristy, we always find something new and interesting when we visit. Where else can you find an entire shop devoted to mortuary memorabilia?! That said, I should have predicted the strangeness of the day when I stepped from the car only to encounter a man with a monkey on his shoulder wearing a diaper. Just to clarify, the monkey was the one in the diaper.

One of my favorite places is a witchful little shop, appropriately dubbed, "The Witch Shop". They carry incense, herbs, candles, books, etc. And while it's probably not the kind of place that would appeal to the serious occultist, it always feels like a visit with old friends. I did pick up a great book called "Hekate Liminal Rites: A Study of the rituals, magic and symbols of the torch-bearing Triple Goddess of the Crossroads". Thus far, I'm finding it fascinating...but I digress.

While I was paying for my book, a handsome, well dressed gentleman came in with a woman whom I presumed was his partner. He looked around a few minutes before asking the salesperson, "Excuse me, do you have a book called, "The Satanic Bible?" I found it very advantageous that I wasn't drinking anything at the time or I probably would have snorted it out my nose! The salesperson, a young girl looking a tad uncomfortable, replied "I'm sorry, no we don't carry it". Then he asked, "have you heard of it?" He sort of glanced over in my direction as he asked. "Try Barnes and Noble or Amazon.com, I suggested. The author is Anton LeVay". "That's right!, he exclaimed, obviously surprised that I might have this information. "Thank you!" he said, as he left the store.

I guess I wasn't doing very well at hiding my amusement, because the salesgirl was now eyeing me curiously, "I'm sorry. It's not that I have anything against Satanists, I explained. "I just found his blurting it out like that, you know, really friggin' funny". "I actually agree with 8 of the the 11 Satanic Principles of the Earth", I added. Oooops! Outside voice! I could see by her change of expression that I had just made her even more....uneasy!

A few minutes later, a touristy looking couple walked in. They were standing beside me looking at the athames (sharp, pointy ceremonial knives) in the display case, when I heard the husband say, "that's what they use for their blood sacrifices". I glanced up to examine his expression for signs of sarcasm, but alas, no he was dead serious. And then, "don't they know that animals would work just as well as humans". Oh for the love of nerve! I'm sure they were wondering why I was laughing, but I honestly couldn't contain myself! And while I'm usually a huge advocate for dispelling the myths and misconceptions about Wicca and Witchcraft, I got the distinct impression that anything I said would have been like preaching to the choir, if you get my drift!

"How sad is it that this is what they truly believe", I said to the salesgirl as we watched the couple leave. "Yeah", she replied wistfully. "I'm so blogging this", I told her as I made my departure from the store. She laughed, but appeared...relieved.

In Darkness, Light!

Tracy